What We Used To Know

There were many times in the weeks Oliver and Addie had been apart that they both would get the feeling like they’re not meant to be together. It was the times when they were insecure and alone, not able to talk to one another when these thoughts would surface. Oliver was on tour, busy as hell performing and jet setting to another country once one continent had been conquered, leaving Addie alone more often than not. It was hard to get a hold of him when she didn’t even know which country he was in that day. Keeping him one the phone was even harder. More often than not, he’d fall asleep on her, leaving Addie to hang up the phone, whispering a goodbye that he couldn’t even hear.

The signs of the two not meant to be together were obvious. For starters, they live a whole ocean away from each other. One of them is constantly on the move. They’re never in the same time zone. And they’re both wildly scared of falling for each other, athough they’re in the process of it right now.

It was scary for them to think that maybe things would not work out. They didn’t want this to just end, not when they had both worked so hard to overcome their own insecurities to try and make this work. But it was those long nights spent alone that made them think otherwise. It was being alone that made Addie want to reconsider her decisions and realize that falling for Oliver was a mistake, and in the end, she’d only get hurt.

Both of them constantly questioned how in the hell this would work, but they had the integrity to do so. They didn’t want to stop talking again, and stop seeing each other, and stop being best friends - again. They both wanted to be there for the other, working together to overcome their fears that they still hadn’t vocalized.

Yet again though, neither of them had to say anything for the other to know that there was a lot more brewing beneath the surface than they let on to.

It was those other, confident thoughts of ‘If we aren’t meant to be together, why were we brought together?’ that made them push through the fears of actually getting close to someone.

***

Oliver and the rest of the Bring Me The Horizon boys had a photo shoot for their article in Alternative Press magazine; their second time gracing the cover in two years. The shoot was in the heart of New York City, a place that had apparently been decided by the guys at the magazine, and the band didn’t have a say in it - well, four out of the five didn’t have a say in it. Of course, none of them were saddened that they were getting the chance to see the Big Apple for free, having their airfare covered by the magazine and getting two days to do whatever they wanted while there.

To them, it all sounded pretty dang good.

To Oliver, it sounded like opportunity.

It had been four and a half months since he had last seen Addie, now that it was nearly September. The last time he was with her was when he flew out for her birthday, surprising her and staying long enough to ask her to be his girlfriend. Every time he thought of the memory of seeing her read the small message on every single candy heart, he smiled. It was an automatic reflex at this point.

The rest of the band tried to ignore how obviously sidetracked Oliver was, knowing he was probably thinking about the girlfriend he constantly talked about, his glowing smiles and shining eyes telling the boys that this one was anything but ordinary for Oliver. They pushed through the shoot, getting it over with so that they could disperse throughout the city and do whatever it was that they wanted to for the rest of their day, and the next day, before their plane took off tomorrow evening.

Of course, Oliver Sykes wasn’t going to be on that plane back to Manchester with the rest of his best friends. He was taking a plane to the Springfield airport tomorrow evening, making that his third trip there. Oliver wasn’t planning on keeping this a secret though. He felt that he couldn’t just keep randomly showing up, even though he knew Addie would be more than ecstatic to see him, just as he would be feeling the same way towards seeing her again.

He ended up calling her after the shoot was over, walking around Central Park now and taking in the sights of so many people. Oliver smiled when she answered on the first ring.

“Hello?” Addie answered, full well knowing it was Oliver on the other line, thanks to caller ID. She was confused why he was calling though, because he should have been in Asia or something right now; that’s where he was last touring. Addie wondered where he was, calling her at only four o’clock, her time.

“’Ello love,” Oli breathed, picking a bench to sit down in the park.

Addie blushed, thankful she was sitting down on her couch, and alone. Cue swooning.

“Guess where I am,” Oliver said, looking around at a few of the birds flying around, walking around in search of food. One actually came near him, and Oliver smiled, trying to shoo it away and show that he in fact had no food to offer it.

“On the tourbus?” Addie joked, thinking that was the only place he could be right now, during whatever hour it was where Oliver was located.

“Central Park,” Oliver replied, not missing a beat. “It really is beautiful here, y’know.”

Addie gasped, breaking out into a smile. Just the thought that Oliver was back in the States again - without her knowledge, of course - made her want to smile for hours on end. It had been since her birthday that they last saw each other, nearly five months ago. The separation killed her, but knowing that he was so much closer than he had been in all those weeks was getting to her even more now.

“Seriously?” she squeaked, sounding out of breath, and overly excited.

“Totally serious,” Oliver said, smiling to himself as his hand fidgeted in his lap with the zipper of his hoodie.

“Wait, why are you there?” Addie questioned, wondering why her boyfriend was suddenly back in the States.

“Photo shoot, the band is gonna be on the cover of AP magazine again, and they flew us all the way out here.”

Addie was skeptical of why the entire band needed to be flown out to NYC. Couldn’t that have done a photo shoot like that anywhere? She guessed it all had to do with the location and scenery, although found it highly unnecessary for a magazine to do that for a band.

“And guess where my plane is landing tomorrow.”

Addie gripped the pillow on her lap fiercely now, crushing the padding inside of it. “No,” she said in a disbelieving tone. “No, no, you aren’t coming here!”

She sounded so shocked and surprised that Oliver smiled wider, knowing his knack for surprises certainly never seemed to wear off with Addie. After a moment of silence when Oliver didn’t confirm whether or not he was really going to be making another appearance in Springfield, Addie uttered an, “Are you?”

“Yes,” Oli admitted, sighing and smiling at the fact he would be seeing his girlfriend again for the first time since mid-April. It felt like once he was with her again tomorrow night, things couldn’t be going any better for him.

***

It was on that descent into the Springfield airport that Oliver really began to think more of the countless e-mails, phone calls, and straight-up begging he had to do in order to convince AP to fly the boys out to New York for this photo shoot. They were supposed to just be doing it in Sheffield, with some of the local photographers who were affiliated with AP. Oliver seized this opportunity though, knowing it was going to be his only chance to see Addie for God knows how long. It had already been since her birthday since he last saw her, and he still had no insight as to whether he would be able to make it to Springfield in the coming months or not.

The cunning little bastard he was, making the band think they just had no other options than to give into the reps at AP and fly all the way to New York. Yes, how sneaky of him…

Addie picked Oliver up from the airport much in the same fashion that she had last time, save for the difference that this time she was aware he was actually in the country. He clambered into her small sedan, the awkwardness of riding in the wrong side of the car while being the passenger still never seemed to leave him.

Her smile never faltered the whole way home.

It was more than easy for them to slip into silence once Oliver was belted up and they were on the road, as well as over the initial ‘How are you’s, and the first appearance of the ‘I’ve missed you’s. The quiet between them was just normal. They could have been talking about what the other had been up to for the past four months, but they didn’t. It was easier not having to think about what living without your best friend (and current significant other) was like, so they just ignored it. Neither wanted to hear how good (or how bad) the other had been doing without them. So they left it at silence.

They were at Addie’s apartment, and Oliver was setting - more like clunking - his bags down on the familiar chunk of flooring in Addie’s bedroom, just next to the wall. He was tired from the shoot just yesterday, and then staying up all night due to the nerves from actually seeing his girlfriend again for the first time in months. But he certainly didn’t show it, because each glimpse and glance he stole at Addie while she searched the kitchen cabinets for a clean glass only made his smile well. It was a scary thought, but it was safe to say Oliver was enamored with Addie. Each little move she made captivated him; the syllables she stuttered out when they would talk had him hanging on every word. Everything she just did had Oliver wishing he never had to leave her again.

“Do you want to go out for some dinner?” Addie asked quietly, finding her clean glass and filling it with water and ice cubes. No, she did not put on her best pair of jeans and favorite button up shirt for nothing.

“Only if you want to, love,” he said, his voice not much louder than hers had been. Oliver was trying his hardest not to portray how heavy his eyelids felt. He certainly wasn’t going to waste his time here with Addie by sleeping. Besides, he’d written entire verses on the uselessness of sleep.

“Well, I mean. We don’t have to, if you don’t want to,” Addie stuttered out. She stumbled over her words, not sure if Oliver’s answer was a yes or a no.

“It’s fine, we should go,” he replied airily.

“No, I mean, really, if you just want to stay here. It’s fine.”

The situation was just growing more and more awkward and filled with Addie’s small, choppy sentences.

“Yes, okay, let’s go,” Oliver finally said, knowing that they wouldn’t be getting out of this situation unless he did something about it. So he stood up and made a gesturing motion towards the door, when they both slipped on their shoes, leaving the jackets on the hook. It was a warm August night out, making a jacket completely useless.

They went out to eat at Alexander’s Italian Restaurant again, which seemed to be a popular place for Addie and Oliver. The meal was great, as well as the conversations shared through the few glasses of wine and their plates of pasta. They managed to keep the topics on relatively easy subjects that couldn’t spiral downwards into awkward oblivion. And Addie promised herself to abstain from asking the one question that burned inside of her every time. That question was to be put off for as long as possible, until she couldn’t bear it anymore and the words slipped from her lips.

It was past dark by the time they were stumbling up the stairs to Addie’s apartment. It was a near-repeat situation of the exact same events from what happened months prior. But this time, they weren’t drunk. And this time, they weren’t falling over due to their slow moving appendages.

This time, they were cascading up the stairs in a mess of feet and arms that were entangled with each other. This time, their lips were fiercely pressed together. With closed eyes, they didn’t make too much progress up the flight of stairs, often resulting Oliver’s head to make contact with the wall of the stairwell, muttering a “fuck” every time his head knocked back.

“You swear too much,” Addie whispered, out of breath and trying to make the ascent up to the stairs now without Oliver attached to her. It would have been much easier had they saved these activities for when they were not climbing a flight of stairs.

Oli chuckled silently at Addie’s comment, hot on her heels as they moved up the flight of stairs, no longer attached at the mouth. “You swear too, love.”

“B-but not as much as you,” Addie said, her words catching in her throat, still out of breath from kissing and climbing stairs at the same time.

“I hardly ever swear around you,” Oliver admitted, knowing this was the truth. For one, he was hardly around Addie, which made it easy to not be foul-mouthed in front of her. He paused behind her as Addie struggled with the key in the lock of her apartment door. He was confused why she brought this up so suddenly, hoping it wasn’t his obscenities in the stairwell that brought this up.

“Just watch the ‘fuck’s’ a little more?” Addie said, entering the apartment and slipping her shoes off in the dark.

Oliver decided to just give in, knowing that doing so was the best way to get out of all this. Plus, he may have been swearing just a little too much in that stairwell to have been remotely socially acceptable. But when was Oliver ever socially acceptable? “Okay, okay, I’ll watch it.”

He made a lazy mental note to try and watch his mouth around Addie, although she hardly had control of her curse words at times. To Oliver, he’d swear every other word if he could. Sometimes, he did. But for Addie, he’d give it his best attempt.

Just after Oliver had gotten his wits together, and his shoes slipped off, Addie’s mouth was right back on his. He smiled into the kiss, admiring the way she took the upper hand and crashed onto him. It was exciting, thrilling, and completely unexpected to see Addie taking control like this, but Oliver loved it nonetheless. As previously mentioned, he was beginning to love everything about her.

And when she grabbed his wrists, pulling him to her bedroom, making him smile again. Their pace sent them leaning over onto her bed now, desperately crawling on top of it. It was like the two had been overcome with some sort of urgency to (silently) declare how much they had missed the familiarity of the other’s lips. Everything felt right when they were laying there, slowly giving in further and further to the persuasive thoughts in their heads.

Addie’s heart was racing faster than the thoughts in her head, which made her next reckless decision not even seem like a decision at all. This was just something she had to do, because she knew it was going to be the right thing to do. This is what she had been waiting for, for twenty-three years of her life, and there couldn’t have been a better time.

Their clothes were on the floor, and through the darkness Oliver could see everything in Addie’s eyes that she didn’t dare admit. He could see she was scared, self-conscious, possibly embarrassed. She didn’t have to say a word for Oliver to know every detail.

If Addie couldn’t have felt like a big enough loser for holding onto the only piece of herself she had left - her virginity - she was by far glad she didn’t have to admit aloud to the extent of her experience. Everything she could have needed to say was right there, perceived by Oli in a way that she knew no one else in the world would ever have the capability to do so.

Oliver was yet again completely blown away at Addie’s hasty decision, taking the control again for the second time that night. So many thoughts ran through his head he thought it best to ignore them all. But the one thought he couldn’t seem to shake was the one telling him how different this was from every other time. He wasn’t selfish with Addie, he wasn’t (extremely) reckless, and he wasn’t wishing that the night would be over already. He cared this time. He wanted only Addie, and wanted only what was going to be best for her. Oliver was going to be the best for her.

It was then that he realized sometimes love isn’t about how much someone suits you, but how much you’re willing to change to suit them.