What We Used To Know

“What do you mean? You mean you seriously want to move back here?” Oliver questioned, his eyes almost bulging out of their sockets. This was the first time in a very long time he had been so utterly shocked; it was usually him pulling the surprises on people.

“That’s what I was thinking, yes. I just… Can you blame me?” Addie sounded right pathetic by the end of her statement, her shoulders hunching over and her eyes dropping down to focus on the countertop again. The air suddenly got much thicker and she found it hard to breathe. She also found it hard to drag her eyes up and look at Oliver when she continued on. “I hate being without you, Oliver. I miss you more than anything. I’ve tried not to tell you, or let you hear it in my voice. But I’m miserable when you’re gone. Things have just gone to shit after the last time you were over, and I hate it. I’m sick of being thousands of miles away from you, and only getting to hear your voice when you can find five minutes to call me, and that seeing your face has become a luxury when we’ve only spent a total of less than a month physically together since January.”

Addie was breathing heavily, her breaths coming in shaky and sporadic. Tears stung the corners of her eyes, blurring her vision and threatening to spill out onto her cheeks. So many emotions had been pent up inside of her when she was alone; she had no one to talk to besides Dee, who was busy now going to college. Addie didn’t do anything. She was alone, and pathetic, and missing her boyfriend who was never near. All she wanted was to be with him. All she wanted was him.

Her shoulders were about to start shaking from the sobs trying to rip through her body, but she kept herself anchored in the chair. All of this was probably more than a shock to Oliver, and she didn’t need to leave him there in shellshock, with a hysterical girlfriend sitting next to him.

Oliver was quiet for a minute or two, trying to let everything sink in while it hit him like a train. He felt like he was being run over again and again with all of her words, the small expressions on Addie’s face torturing him. Nothing could quite compare to the sight of how much pain his girlfriend was going through. He wanted to hate himself for doing this to her. After all, this had to be all his fault. Oliver blamed himself for never being there like he should have. He didn’t call enough anymore, now that things were getting busier and busier. He didn’t do the things he should have, and now he had to watch Addie go through all these emotions, all because of him.

“Would, would you want to move in… with me?” he offered, doing the only thing he could have. Oliver wanted to make sure Addie never went through anything like this again. She shouldn’t have to be without him, not when she so obviously needed him. Oliver was going to make sure she never had to be alone, nor thousands of miles away from him, for a very long time.

“Do you think that would be a good idea?” she questioned back, not knowing whether or not living with Oliver would be a smart choice. She wanted to be with him all the time, but what if this just put pressure on them, and ruined everything? Addie hoped it wouldn’t, because this is something that she really wanted, deep down.

“I think it would be a great idea, Addie. You can stay here, and you won’t be so far from me. I’ve missed you, too, love. Don’t you even think that I haven’t. I want you to be here.” Oliver spoke with sincerity. There had been many times where he could have cried his heart out due to missing Addie so much. He tried his best not to, but it was awfully painful when he was all alone at night, with no one to talk to. Those nights got the best of him, making him feel vulnerable and weak, when his feelings seemed to be this powerful force. He hated himself even more for relaying on alcohol to get him through it; after all, they were on tour, who would have suspected he had a problem?

“We have until after the new year till tour starts up again. That means I’m not going anywhere. It’ll be great to have you around, Addie, I mean it.”

She could see in his eyes that he did. He meant every word that he said.

***

Addie had to leave only five days after arriving, but this time, she wasn’t going home alone. This was the first flight Addie and Oliver had taken together, and it sure was a long one. Oliver decided he would fly back to Springfield with Addie in order to help her pack, and get everything set up to get her belongings sent to Sheffield.

The excitement was practically eating away at them on the plane ride over, and they couldn’t wait to touch down, just so they could start boxing up every one of Addie’s things. It was too thrilling for them both to think they were actually going to do this. It was something neither of them could have predicted would happen. After seven months of dating, they were really going to take things to another level, and hope for the best outcome.

But when they both harbored such strong feelings, they hoped that there couldn’t be any other outcome besides a good one. Things couldn’t possibly go wrong as long as they still had these feelings for each other, right? Everything would be fine, because they could finally be together. Everything was going to be fine.

“That it?” Oliver looked around, surrounded by a sea of boxes, watching Addie as she finished up taping the last box closed. She paused, wiped a stray hair away with the back of her hand, and looked around as well. They were both standing in the middle of her living room, the only things remaining where the big pieces of furniture they couldn’t pack, and weren’t taking with them. Half of the boxes weren’t coming with them, either.

“I think so,” she said, smiling and looking around again. This was it. Her entire life had been packed into dozens of boxes, and most of it was soon to be shipped over the Atlantic ocean. Nervousness overtook her as Oliver walked through the maze of boxes over to her, and wrapped his thin arms around her. She felt safe in his embrace, even though he may have had the build of a toothpick. “This is so… exciting!”

Oliver grinned, resting his chin on Addie’s head, looking around. He wondered if all of this was really going to fit in his flat, before realizing that nearly half of Addie’s belongings were going to her mother’s house. Obviously Addie wouldn’t need her couch, bed, kitchen table, television, coffee table, and every other item that was not in a box. It was going to be more than weird for both of them to be together constantly for once, but it was a move that they were both more than eager to make. This was really the beginning of their life together, now that they didn’t have to deal with various time zones just for a phone call.

“So when are the boxes getting picked up?” Oliver asked, unwrapping his arms from around Addie and stretching them over his head. Various joints popped while he stretched, making Addie cringe.

“The movers are scheduled to be here in… forty-five minutes. Then it’s all shipped off, and will be ready to go at your place by the time I - I mean we, get there.”

“And everything is set up here?”

“Yep. I talked to the landlord, called into Johnson’s and told Mr. Johnson I was leaving. He was sad, and a bit mad, but wished me the best. Called Dee, and she took it really hard, seeing as how she’s out of town and can’t come say goodbye. And I’m dreading calling my mother.” Addie ran over the list of things she had completed, and the one thing she still had to do. Her mother knew that she was taking Addie’s furniture when they had called this morning, but Addie failed to mention that her only daughter (and child) was going to be moving across an ocean to the country they fled from over ten years ago. She didn’t want her mother to be mad, or sad, or angry, or hate her daughter for leaving her alone in the United States. This was their home now, and Addie was just leaving. But was it a bad thing if she was leaving to go back to her first home?

Oliver paused, not knowing what to say. He could imagine how hard it would be to tell his own mother goodbye, and then moving across an ocean. “Why don’t we stop by her house on the way to the airport tomorrow?”

Addie agreed, knowing that saying goodbye in person was the right - and only - thing to do. She owed it to her mother, who she was going to miss immensely. It would be weird not going to her house for Sunday dinner, or calling her during her breaks at work. But Addie was growing up, and now she was finally getting a life.

***

“It’s so weird now… being back here, for uh, for good,” Addie sputtered out, looking outside of the car window. She felt incurably wrong sitting on the left side of the car. Something in her forgot that this all used to be normal, a decade or so back. Things were just different now, now that she had committed to the American lifestyle, and now was going to begin an adventure back where she started. The sights were all different than they had been in her childhood, so it made her once-home country feel completely foreign.

“What do you think of it all?” Oliver asked, looking over towards her as he drove with one hand on the wheel, the other holding Addie’s as he drove her around. It was raining, with small snowflakes spattering in the wind, mixing with the rain.

“I love it here, Oli. I’ve missed it, I guess. It’s weird being back after being gone for so long. Don’t really feel like I belong here,” she admitted, feeling rather out of place again, just like she had when she moved to the States.

“It’ll be good to have you back.” Oliver smiled widely, knowing that this decision was going to be a good one. It was the way all of the things from Addie’s apartment just fit in perfectly with all of his stuff. Just having her clothes mixed in with his in the closet made things feel complete. She was that piece of life in his flat that he was missing. And now that she was here, it was complete. Addie was right where she was supposed to be, and it was something that they both could feel. They knew this was right.

“Where are we going?” Addie asked, after a few minutes of silence. She started seeing more and more houses, as they neared a residential area of Sheffield. Kids should have been outside playing or something, Addie guessed, from the way this area looked so homey. She would have liked this place as a kid. It was quiet and desolate, just enough for someone to be alone with their thoughts.

“Somewhere,” Oliver said, smirking with a plan in his head. “Close your eyes.”

“Why?” Addie chuckled, furrowing her brow.

“Because it’s a surprise where I’m taking you. Duh. Now close ‘em.”

She did as she was told, knowing that this was just another of the surprises that Oliver never seemed to be short on. Addie wondered where they would end up, and why she wasn’t aloud to look. She wanted to take in all of the unfamiliar sights, and relearn everything about the city she grew up in.

It felt like nearly half an hour before the car stopped, and Addie still wasn’t aloud to open her eyes. The silence between them was normal, light and peaceful, just the way it always was between them. Oliver kept stealing glances every few seconds, admiring the way Addie was smiling, even though she had her eyes squeezed shut.

Something about the way he kept looking at her sent him into a memory from when they were both children in school. When he would walk with her to school every day, in hopes of talking to her, just because she seemed so interesting. It was the fact that she never said a word that made him so interested in her; she was a complete enigma. (And as it had turned out, Addie never grew out of that.) He remembered stealing glances at her when they walked side by side, trying to stare at her for as long as he could without being caught.

But when he tore his eyes away from Addie and looked out of the car window, he slowed the car down, easing to a stop in front of their destination. It wasn’t the first time he had been back here since he was a child, no, he had come back many times, even after he had grown up. This was the place he would never forget, because this is literally where it all started with his best friend - and current girlfriend. He thought it would be a good idea to come back here, to celebrate with Addie that this is where they started, and here they were, so many years later.

“Okay, don’t open you eyes yet. I’m gonna help you get outta the car,” Oliver mumbled, before unbuckling himself, as well as Addie, and then shuffling out of the car and around to her side. She was waiting there patiently with her eyes closed, wondering where they were, and feeling Oliver’s hands cover hers as he gently pulled her out of the car. The street below them was slick, making it a difficult task to get Addie around the car, and over onto the pavement. “Don’t open ‘em yet.”

Addie giggled, keeping her eyes squeezed shut, and stepping onto the curb when Oliver warned her of it.

“You ready?”

“Of course I am,” Addie replied, just wanting to see what was before her already.

“Okay. Open your eyes!” Oliver was standing right next to Addie, his hand clasped tightly around hers. He was watching her every movement, trying to judge for when the excitement of being back here was going to kick in.

Addie blinked a few times, trying to get her vision straight, but everything just seemed completely blurry in front of her now. No, that wasn’t her vision, it was tears. Instantly when she registered where she was, tears sprung to the corners of her eyes. She took in the sight again and again, making sure this is really where she was standing. Her cheeks heated up with emotion and she whipped her head around, checking to see that all of these houses were the same ones that were here ten years ago.

There it was standing in front of her house, in all its blood-stained, memorable glory: the last house she lived in while in Sheffield.

It was just a normal house now, with new people living in it, probably completely unaware of the events that happened here only years ago. This is the place where Addie lost half her family, and she was standing right in front of it. Her face contorted in agony; she hoped to God that she would never have to see it again - that’s why she blocked it out of her head for so long. She never, ever wanted to remember what happened in this place, and she was going a rather swell job of it until Oliver came along again.

Tears were pouring from her eyes instantly now. Addie couldn’t believe she was here. Why would Oliver bring her here? She crumpled to her knees, sinking into the hard pavement while raindrops fell on her head.

Oliver instantly realized his mistake, having some sort of mental lapse and deciding it would be a good idea to take Addie back to the place where her father was murdered, and her brother committed suicide. He sprung into action and knelt down on the ground, curling his arms around Addie while she sobbed and screamed at the sight of the house.

She was going into utter hysterics, images from her last night in England spreading through her mind like wildfire. It was like she was thirteen years old again, and watching her brother Jordan argue with their parents. She screamed in agony, just like she had that night. Addie’s eyes were closed tight, preventing her from having to look at that place any longer.

Oliver was trying to scoop her up, with no success. He had no idea what to do, but the only thing he did know was that he had to get Addie out of there fast.

“I’m sorry, Addie, I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t know… I wasn’t thinkin’,” Oliver said, his words soft as he tried to comfort the hysterical Addie. “Oh, I’ve made a big mistake,” he muttered, knowing that this was possibly the worst idea he had ever had.

He tried to get her to stand up, but she wouldn’t. She wasn’t even responding to his voice, only crying and shaking her head when he tried to get her to open her eyes. Finally, Oliver relented and picked her up, wrapping his arms around her as much as possible, and just standing up with her in his arms. She squirmed and tried to escape his grasp, but he only held on tighter.

Oliver struggled to get the car door open, but finally succeeded, plopping Addie down and swiftly buckling her in so she couldn’t go anywhere. He knew there was a great chance that if she wasn’t restrained, she could very well bolt down the street and run off from him. But he shut her door, walking around to his side and stepping in. He looked over at Addie, watching her as she didn’t even move now, eyes still squeezed shut, and her hands clasping at each other in her lap. Everything about her right now made Oliver want to cry. Seeing her in this agony was more painful than anything he had ever gone through; and his experiences didn’t even come close to what Addie had experienced.