What We Used To Know

The next morning, I was busy getting ready when I heard some shuffling and stumbling about downstairs. I didn’t take much note of it, because I just figured Jordan was trying to make his way out of the house. Although I was astounded by the thought that it could be him, because he was always sleeping by the time I left for school. No doubt he was still sleeping while I was in school.

I dismissed the thoughts though, continuing to throw some clothes on before heading downstairs. More sounds were emitted from the lower level, and no I was curious. I knew that both Mum and Dad were long gone; they were always gone before I even woke up.

The door to Jordan’s room was open, and I dared to peek inside on my way to the stairs. He wasn’t in there. And I sure hoped it was him downstairs, because otherwise, I was trapped in here with an intruder. Gingerly, I made my way down the steps, trying to be as quiet as possible. Despite my lack of sneaking out skills, I still knew which parts of the steps to avoid in order to be as silent as possible.

All of the noise was coming from the kitchen, and I attempted to sleuth my way over there. Of course, a sigh of relief was emitted from my mouth as I poked my head around the corner, only to be met with the sight of Jordan digging around in the fridge. Plates were scattered about, but none of them were broken, luckily. Mum would have a fit if she knew that Jordan was acting like this, tossing dishes about. I could only guess that he was still high, or had managed to get high again, before this morning.

His head snapped up, his dark gaze meeting mine. I turned immediately to collect my shoes and bag, planning on leaving that very moment. There was no way I wanted to be trapped in a kitchen when Jordan was like this as I tried to consume breakfast.

“Where are you going?” he demanded, slamming the fridge shut. I was trying to grab my things and just make my way out, but of course Jordan couldn’t let me do that.

“I’m going to school. Sod off, Jordan.” I made a grab for my bag, but he managed to skate across the floor, seizing it before my hand could make contact with it. He held it up, above my reach. “Jordan, what the heck. Give me my bag so I can get to school!”

I couldn’t possibly understand why he was making this so difficult. On any other day, Jordan wouldn’t have given me a second glance had I entered the same room as him. Why he found need to take my bag away from me, I hadn’t a clue. Maybe he was on some new drug that made him act this way.

He just stared at me, not saying a word, and breathing like he had just run a mile. My bag was still high in the air, and I knew better than to make a grab for it. That would only provoke him to do something else to it, like hold it higher, or damage it.

“Jordan, give me my bag,” I said, between gritted teeth. My voice was low, and I tried to sound demanding, but at the same time, I had to act like it didn’t bother me that he had it away from me. If I let him know that I was mad, he’d just take it farther.

There must have been at least thirty seconds of awkward and deadening silence between us before he simply dropped the bag, letting it fall heavily to the ground. A loud thud was audible as my bag cascaded to the ground. I thanked God that I didn’t have anything breakable in there, because it would have been in pieces right now.

“Jordan you prick! What the heck?!” I didn’t bother waiting for a response for him, I just picked it up and stormed out of the kitchen. But by the looks of it, I wasn’t going to get a response out of him anyways, so I continued to shuffle around for my shoes. All of the ones that were perfectly lined up in the closet were disturbed by the two shoes - Jordan’s - that lay on top of them, screwing up the order.

I shoved my feet into the nearest pair that belonged to me, not even bothering to lace them up. My bag was slung over my shoulder as I grabbed a jacket from the hook, pulling it on, and replacing my bag back to my shoulder.

The door swung open heavily as I pulled on the handle, stepping outside into the brisk morning air of Sheffield. Seven months here still hadn’t managed to improve my liking to this place, or rather disliking. I slammed the door as I made my way from our property, striding down the pavement. My stomach growled as I walked, and I blamed Jordan for my hunger. If he hadn’t caused that little incident just now, I would be happily munching away on some toast, drinking my orange juice. Now, I was a few minutes ahead of schedule.

I didn’t mind too much, but this meant I’d be sitting at school longer, alone. Like always. And since I was a few minutes ahead, this meant that Ten-Step was no where to be seen. He was probably happily eating his breakfast at home, not dealing with his drug addicted brother, like I just did.

Although something about Jordan’s eyes did look slightly different this morning. His eyes weren’t dilated like they were last night. I couldn’t help but continue to wonder where this new behavior of his came from. Suddenly, he actually acknowledged my presence, let alone existence. Only about a week ago, would he have completely and flat out ignored me had he been in the kitchen the same time I was. Of course, a week ago, he would have still been sleeping at the time I ate my breakfast. My mind wandered as I walked, unaware of my surroundings, and the rumble of a car engine coming up along side me.

I had made it farther than I thought I did when I was thinking, but when I looked down, my feet were moving at an unbearably slow pace. My feet dragged across the ground, producing a scraping sound as I moved. The wind was blowing my hair all across my face, making it difficult to see through the locks.

There was a horn honking directly beside me in the street, causing my attention to snap up. I wished I never looked up. It was Jordan’s car, and he pulled to a stop on the side of the road, next to me. His window was rolled down, and he looked like he was going to attempt to talk to me. I didn’t bother to look at him, redirecting my gaze towards my feet, and continued walking.

“Addie!” Jordan screamed, unnecessarily so. It was perfectly quiet out right now, and I could have heard him just as well if he was whispering. I hated having attention drawn to me, and anyone out on the street right now was surely to be looking at me. My eyes scanned the road in front of me, and on both sides. No sign of anyone, good. Of course, I didn’t look behind me, but I didn’t bother to, either.

I ignored him, still walking at my slow pace, but picking it up a bit.

“Addie! Get in the car,” Jordan hissed, still barely driving as to keep pace with me. “I’m giving you a ride to school. Get. In.”

His tone sounded so demonic for such a simple offer. It immediately made me think about why in the world he would offer me a ride to school. I had been walking to and from that place everyday, since we’ve been here. What makes today any different? Well, I’ll tell you what’s made today different: everything about Jordan’s behavior.

“No, Jordan. Go away.” I kept my sentences short and simple. Maybe he’d get the hint that he’s being ridiculous, and frankly, scaring me.

“Get into the car, Ad. I’m giving you a ride to school. C’mon.” His voice started out at a normal tone at the beginning of his statement, but progressively rose. He was almost yelling again, and I was hugging the edge of the pavement, trying to stay as far away from the street as possible.

It was easy to tell that Jordan was fuming now as I continued to decline his offers for a ride. His face was progressively deepening in color as well as contorting more with each word he spoke - or yelled. He was demanding that I get in the car with him, and let him drive me to school. No thoughts enlightened me yet as to why he was just like this all of a sudden. God knows I wouldn’t be asking about this sudden attitude change though.

“Get in the God damned car, Adelaide.” His mouth was clamped shut as he hissed the words out, even thought it still sounded like he was bellowing. I supposed he took the extra step to keep his mouth gritted closed to prevent him from completely exploding - which I sensed may have been impending due to the deep crimson shade of his face. Why the heck was he getting so mad over me not getting into his freakin’ car?

I hoped no one was behind me, now more than ever. Sheer embarrassment would wash over me had I known of anyone watching. What would this have looked like to a stranger?

“Don’t you swear at me, Jordan!” Involuntarily, my voice was steadily skyrocketing, as I verbally fought back. I never yelled. And now my eyes were watering from the force I exerted into my voice. Shaking hands reached up to automatically wipe the tears that were mechanically falling onto my cheeks. The salty tears were beginning to chill as they laid on my skin, slightly burning.

“Let me give you a ride,” he said, the words sounding as if they had been dipped in acid. “Get the fuck in!” Jordan was outright screeching now, thrashing around in the seat of his car. I was thankful that he was clear on the other side of the car, preventing him from reaching out of the window and grabbing me, which I thought might be a possibility. Maybe he was on some new drug that caused him to actually acknowledge me, but harm me as well. I didn’t have time to think about what option sounded worse to me: a Jordan who flat out ignores me, or a Jordan that won’t leave me alone, harassing and possibly hurting me.

“Jordan, so help me,” I began, closing my eyes and drawing in a breath. I tried to calm myself, but when I opened my eyes again, I felt my face flush, the anger returning. “You’ll kill us both if y’drive right now… Condition you’re in.” I felt like I was scolding him, with the tone I was using.

He scoffed loudly, merely blinking in my direction, despite the distance between us. If he had the nerve to blatantly yell at me in the middle of the street, I was blank on ideas as to why he couldn’t even respond to a single thing I’d said, with a valid answer.

Suddenly, without saying anything else, he rolled up the window of the sedan, flooring the engine. The small car sped off, leaving me in a cloud of fog from the exhaust, making me cough and sputter. For a moment, I was paralyzed. Not a single thing on my body was moving, besides my heart, and my eyes. I was blinking rapidly to clear the tears that clouded my vision. I hadn’t known it, but my chest had been heaving throughout our conversation, making it hard to draw breath in as I stood there.

The sound of gravel and rocks skidding across the ground pulled me from my paralyzed trance. My head snapped to where the sound was coming from; behind me. Ten-Step was standing there, his mouth slightly open. His black mop of hair was flying into his face as the wind surrounded us, the same thing happening to me. Neither of us said anything, we just stood there, looking at each other like idiots. I could feel his eyes scrutinizing me, I could feel his eyes burning into my face, gazing upon the dried tears that were now staining my face.

The only action I could muster right now was to rapidly blink my eyes, meeting the ones of Ten-Step. He didn’t blink a all; he’d only been staring at me. Something in his head must have told him to close his mouth though, because it snapped shut after a few moments. We had been standing there for almost a full minute now, looking at each other like the other was a mutant. Neither of us had moved a centimetre since I turned around. It felt like the air between us was frozen, encasing us in it.

I felt like lashing out, hitting him with harsh words to help vent my still present anger towards Jordan. My mouth decided against it though, because I knew that being rude towards a stranger wouldn’t help anything. Although from my perspective, I couldn’t count Ten-Step as much of a stranger, because I’d been “following” him for seven months now. The only reason he was a stranger was because we’d never exchanged two words.

Involuntarily though, a single syllable escaped my lips, hissing over to the boy standing in front of me now. “What?”

I didn’t wait for a reply from him though, I just spun on my heel and began to pound my way down the path. My breathing was still heavy, and my hard footsteps weren’t helping to ease the pain growing in my chest. It felt like something inside was tearing. Something in my head knew what it was though; my heart. This feeling wasn’t completely new to me though, Jordan had been breaking my heart ever since he started getting into God knows whatever he’s into now. I was positive this isn’t what it felt like when your heart broke from love, because I didn’t love Jordan like that, duh. He’s my brother. But it was the type of heartbreak that hurts even worse because you know how close you used to be with them, and now you know that you’ll never get them back, even when they’re so close.

For a few moments, I didn’t hear anything behind me as I made my way closer and closer to school. Then after a few moments, footsteps behind me were more than audible, as Ten-Step heavily lumbered behind me. I could tell he was keeping his distance though. I had a feeling he was at least three meters behind me.

My mind raced viciously as I continued walking. How much had he seen? Did he witness my scream-fest with Jordan? Did he think we were both positively crazy? Would he assume that I knew Jordan? Would he assume Jordan was trying to… take me?

I was full of questions still as I entered campus, heading off to find my first hour class. The only thing I planned on doing was sitting in there, even though the teacher wasn’t likely to be in there at this hour. She wouldn’t mind though, Mrs. Peckerman never seemed to mind it when I would sit in her class, no matter what time of day.

Ten-Step faded from behind me as I rushed off to find Peckerman’s room. It sounded like he was continuing to stay behind me until I turned into the final corridor, where I didn’t hear anything behind me then.

As I predicted, the room was empty. I took a seat in the corner of the room, pulling out a book. It was there that I stayed until I was forced to leave at the end of first hour, and head to my next class.

***

The rest of the day went on like every other before it, and like every other after it would be. I stayed away from everyone, keeping to myself. To my books, and my writing. Those were the only things I really knew. This was so because in a book, I could immerse myself, and pretend I was in story, living it. And in my writing, well, I knew that best of all, because I was creating it. Each day that I refused to do my work in class, I’d spend the time writing. At least it made the end of the day come so much quicker. Before I knew it today, I was walking off of campus, and out onto the pavement.

Ten-Step wasn’t ahead of me like he usually was every other day.

Although, by now I’d learned that today wasn’t following the usual. It was greatly different than every other day that had passed since our arrival in Sheffield. Nearly everything about today, with the exception of school itself, had been out of the usual.

I turned around, regretting it the instant I did. Of course, just like this morning, Ten-Step was behind me. This time thought, his mouth wasn’t hanging open, and he wasn’t standing still. He was slowly walking behind me, although he was unusually close. There couldn’t have been more than half a meter between us. If I stopped walking, he’d be at my side in a matter of seconds. Which is exactly what happened.

Some sort of shock crashed over me, causing me to stop as my head was still turned to face him. My legs stopped moving as I stood still, trying to will myself with everything in me to continue moving. Of course, this plan backfired on me as I had yet to budge, and Ten-Step kept walking, not appearing to be phased, like I was. In just seconds, he was right beside me.

My head snapped so that I was completely facing forward now. As this happened though, he stopped. He just, stopped. Ten-Step was standing directly next to me. Just standing there! He wasn’t saying anything, or even looking at me. I didn’t have to turn my head to tell that he was just standing there, looking straight ahead. Something in me could sense that he was stealing glances at me out of the corner of his eye as we just stood there together, awkward as ever.

I cursed myself as I tried to get moving, but failed. Ten-Step was still standing there, not moving in the slightest. What was he waiting for?!

Finally, I managed to drag my feet apart from each other, scraping my way across the pavement as I slowly walked. The moment I started walking though, Ten-Step was moving as well, keeping pace with me. I knew I couldn’t slow my pace - or speed up for that matter. Something about him being right there made me so nervous that I could hardly think; it took all my concentration to keep my legs striding towards home, and I was a good fifteen minutes away from reaching my door.

The two of us walked towards our neighborhood. I refused to say we were walking together, because we weren’t. I had been walking, and now this boy latched onto my side, keeping up with me throughout the rest of our duration of the walk home. Neither of us said anything. We kept walking, and kept our eyes straight ahead.

As we rounded the corner of our street, I tried to speed up so that I could break away from the tandem I had been roped into. Unfortunately, my legs didn’t want to cooperate with me, leaving me trapped next to the side of Ten-Step. His house was coming up, and I prayed that he’d walk up his drive and into his house, leaving me to do the same.

Things aren’t that easy though.

I didn’t stop as I passed his house; I had no reason to. My pace didn’t falter as I walked on, nearing my house. Ten-Step stopped though. He stood directly in front of his drive, watching me as I walked on. I didn’t even have to turn around to know that he was standing there, watching me. As I turned up the drive to my house, I caught him looking at me out of the corner of my eye. By the time I reached the door, I just then heard his footsteps heading towards his own door. Whatever had just happened, confused the daylights out of me.