What We Used To Know

Come Monday, I had the house completely to myself as I rolled out of bed, beginning the morning routine. No one was here. Absolutely no one. This was what I had been living with for the past week almost now, and I was getting used to it. Of course, in the past, when Jordan had still been here, he’d be sleeping when I left. But now, there was no more Jordan.

Turns out on Friday night when dad had talked to me, mum was talking him off to the train station where she was going to escort him to the new school. This meant that she was staying the night in the town where his new school was, because it was going to be late by the time they arrived.

She came home the next day, and it was the first time I’d seen her in a few days, actually. Her hair was a bit of a mess and her leftover makeup was smeared. I knew it wasn’t from tears though; both she and my father were done crying over my brother long ago. This time, she didn’t seemed phased at all as she came home to our new household of three. Maybe things would be exactly the same. It’s not like any of us saw Jordan much to begin with anyway, and it’s not like mum saw me much, what with her crazy work schedule.

Anyways, I reflected back on the short conversation I had with my dad that night as I pulled on some clean clothes after my shower. The clothes in my closet were lined up by color, and style. Short sleeves were at one end of the closet, ranging down to the long sleeves at the other end; tank tops were nonexistent in my wardrobe.

I peeked outside my window to see what the weather looked like already, to determine what I would be wearing for the day. Jeans were a daily staple, so I pulled on a pair as I continued to ponder what I should wear. Not like it was ever that big of a deal, I didn’t give a hoot what people thought of me. My hands seemed to decide on a purple t-shirt on their own, as they reached for the soft fabric. I pulled the shirt over my head, smoothing down my hair afterwards.

My teeth were brushed, face washed, and hair smoothed out all in under ten minutes. I made my way downstairs, looking over my shoulder at the room that used to be Jordan’s. The door was closed now, and I doubted that it would be opened any time soon. The only thing I didn’t know was how long it would be staying closed.

As I walked into the kitchen, my bag was sitting on the table by itself. I looked at it, trying to remember whether I had stuffed my notebook in it last night when I shoved the rest of my school stuff into it.

I scrambled around trying to find some food. There wasn’t a lot, as usual, and I settled on some toast. I prayed that it wasn’t molded like so many loaves before it had been. My parents didn’t seem to realize that things needed to be tossed out when they deteriorated. But they wouldn’t be paying attention to silly little details like that anyways; work was so much more important. Everything was so much more important than home life.

My silent rampage ended as I checked my bag for the notebook as the bread was toasting. As I waited for it to pop up, I looked around for the butter, pulling what looked to be a clean knife from the dishwasher. Soon enough, I heard the bread spring up from the toaster, waiting for me.

Carefully, I pulled both pieces from the hot metal box, placing them onto a plate. The butter spread smoothly over them, and my mouth began to water. I spread the butter quickly as my stomach gave a grumble, speeding up my process. As soon as it was done, I shoved a bite into my mouth, chewing on the crispy bread as I put the knife in the sink, where I’d take care of it later.

I glanced at the clock as I took my plate of toast over to the table, sitting down. I had ten more minutes to kill before I had to leave, so I let myself relax, taking my time to eat. Too often I was rushed to get out of the house due to the time it took me to wake up. It was nice now to be able to just sit here, enjoying the silence of an empty house while eating.

The sun looked like it might even make an appearance today as I gazed out the window as I chewed. Grey clouds still loomed over everything, but I could see a faint glow behind all of them. Just the sight of that weak glow caused my mood to improve, a silly little grin slapped across my face as I put the plate into the sink, brushing the toast crumbs from my outfit.

I slung my bag over my shoulder, noting that it felt especially light as I made my way to the shoe closet, picking out a pair of shoes from the rest, slipping them on. The coat I chose for the day was lighter than the one I had worn last week, since I had hope that maybe it still wouldn’t be as cold as it had been lately. I could hope, right?

As I lightly closed the front door behind me, locking it, I slipped the key into my bag. The steps before me were wet from what I guessed to be early morning rain, and I stepped over them lightly, making sure I wouldn’t slip. I turned onto the pavement, walking across it smoothly, looking ahead of me with that silly little grin from earlier still tugging at the corners of my mouth. I let it show itself though, because it wasn’t often I smiled like this in the morning.

Ten-Step was no where to be seen, and I merely shrugged my shoulders as I continued walking.

As I passed his house though, I realized I had spoken too soon. Here he was, sauntering onto the pavement, timing it just right so that he ended up right next to me. I fought the urge to roll my eyes, and lost. Why, just why?! Why was he walking next to me, again?

I didn’t say anything though, and kept walking. My pace didn’t alter; I figured that if I tried to speed up or slow down, he’d think I was weirded out by the situation. Which of course I was.

Or, if I changed how fast I was walking, he might have just changed his pace as well. Somehow, that option didn’t seem too unrealistic.

Ten-Step didn’t say anything either as we kept walking, making the turn out of our street and onto the main road. We walked passed the park I had been at last Friday. I remembered involuntarily the awkwardness at how he had shown up there, watching me as I left. I wondered how long he had been there, and if he was watching me. Why had I seen him there, but not at school the previous three days?

He of course didn’t say anything as we passed the park, remaining silent. I couldn’t help but wonder what he was thinking. Was he remembering Friday night, as well? My thoughts were overrun with curiosity of what he was thinking, probably because his face didn’t seem to give any sign of emotion, from what I could tell (which was by stealing glances at him from the corner of my eye every so often as we walked). Maybe if he actually talked, I could gather a little more information than just the observations I had been working with the past seven months. Why was it that just now I had made it into a meter radius of him? In the more than half a year I had been walking behind him, never had I once walked this close to him.

And before last Monday, never had I once even made eye contact with him, let alone see his face straight on. Things had just been changing like mad in the past week, hadn’t they?

Our feet carried us up the small hill that the school sat on. We’d been walking for approximately fifteen minutes now, not a word had been shared between the two of us. Right now, the silence between us was so thick that it nearly felt like a wall that was dividing us.

The school was in sight now, and I just wanted to get into the warm classroom of Mrs. Peckerman, so I could start my school morning off with some reading. A little fiction to immerse myself in for a while sounded a million times better than where I was stuck now. Ten-Step kept his face forward, eyes directly ahead. I couldn’t tell if he glanced over to me or not, mostly because I was trying to keep my eyes in front of me as well.

Unfortunately, I was unable to restrain my eyes, giving in and stealing one last glance at his profile as we turned onto the school property. And what was even more unfortunate, was that Ten-Step had decided to look over at me the exact same second I looked at him, causing our eyes to lock together for a mere second before the two of us whipped our heads so fast in opposite directions that we could have gotten whiplash.

He coughed a bit, running his hand through his hair to rough it up. I rubbed the side of my face, looking off into the distance where a few people were entering the school, happily chattering away.

Ten-Step didn’t dart away to wherever he went in the mornings, instead staying flush by my side as we walked up to the main doors. “You’re strange,” was all he said to me as I pulled the door open, stepping inside the warm building, making my fingers tingle.

I blinked my eyes in shock at his two words that seemed so uncalled for, and random. He still hadn’t budged from my side, walking with me down the hall as I headed for Peckerman’s room. I planned on making my escape from Ten-Step as soon as possible, because this situation wasn’t getting any less awkward as the seconds ticked on.

“You’re one to be talking,” I muttered under my breath as I turned down the hallway that lead to Mrs. Peckerman’s room. A slight laugh that lasted all of a millisecond burst from his mouth, a sign he had heard the words that I hadn’t intended to be audible. Or at least I assumed that’s what he was laughing about. Not like I cared much though.

The teacher was sitting at her desk, reading a book as I walked in. She didn’t look up, because she knew it was me who walked into her room. It was the same thing every morning, so eventually a while ago, she stopped looking up from whatever she was doing in the morning as I quietly entered.

“Hello, Addie,” she said in her quiet, yet raspy voice as I took a seat in the desk at the back of the room, closest to the wall. I set my bag down before taking a seat, retrieving my book from the depths of the scratchy fabric.

“Hey Peckerman.”

I immediately began to immerse myself in the book that seemed better than reality, or my reality at least. The pages turned by themselves as I lost myself between the words and phrases, spoken by characters who were more than familiar to me. Time didn’t exist when reading, or so it felt. The bell had rung, signaling that I had to put the book away, and prepare for her class.

***

The class passed like it did usually, not too slow, and not too fast. Just enough to give me enough time to build up enough energy to will myself to the next hour’s class, the one I hated most: science. I was absolutely terrible in it, and my grade was barely above passing at this point.

I slowly dragged my feet over the ground on my way to the science hall, entering my classroom. My seat was in the back luckily, so I continued on my way to the back wall of the room where my desk was located. Everyone else who sat around me was always busy with their own group of friends, leaving me perfectly isolated - just the way I liked it. I had no qualms with being alone for the duration of the rest of my school life, and I might at well practice keeping quiet while I’m young, right?

As people began to settle down, Mr. Greene took his place in front of the room, standing before us all. Every day he would start class like this, giving us an overview of whatever scientific event had just taken place, because somehow he managed to always find something happening everyday, that he thought we just had to know. Fortunately for the rest of class, this gave us all the opportunity to begin tuning him out, focusing on anything but him.

People were quiet though, at least pretending to be interested in what he had to say as their eyes glazed over. As silence fell like a blanket on us all, the door creaked open, causing people to snap their heads up towards the opening door. In stepped a boy, his brown mop of hair hanging in his eyes and around his face. The mop I recognized to belong to none other than Ten-Step. A small look of horror must have crossed my face, because somehow his head turned and directly found me.

He turned towards Mr. Greene, smirking, while handing him a note. Neither of the two said anything. Mr. Greene simply ushered him to the empty desk in the back row, right next to me. Freaking fantastic. Now I have to sit next to this weirdo for the next forty-five minutes. Great. Just, great.

His pants that clung to his legs were sagging a little, causing his hand to reach back and pull them up as he walked down the aisle to the seat next to me, sitting down. I heard him cough as I turned my attention to the teacher, now trying to tune out the boy sitting next to me. The faster this lesson was over with, the faster I was out of here. Lord knows what sent him in here, and I just wanted to be free of him. His little stunts with latching onto me like he did earlier today - and last week - weren’t getting him good reviews in my book.

Mr. Greene informed us that our lesson for the day required us to use the science books to take notes from it. Everyone stood up from their desks, eagerly trying to get in a bit of socializing before they had to retrieve their books and head back to their seats. Instead, I just walked up and grabbed my book, heading back to my seat. I perched it on my desk as I reached into my bag to grab for some paper and a pencil. As I was coming back up to my book though, Ten-Step happed to be walking back to his seat. I watched as his hand flung about lazily, making contact with my book, sending it to the floor.

“Oops,” he said, not even bothering to pick it up for me. He only took his seat, opening his own book. Nothing seemed to phase this kid at all, it seemed.

I bent down while remaining seated, huffing as I came back up with my book in hand. I tried to find the page we were supposed to be on, scratching my name and date down onto the lined piece of paper. The notes we were supposed to take on cells was going to bore me to sleep, but I figured I might as well immerse myself in the work; it’ll make the time go by faster.

Mr. Greene gave us a warning when it was five minutes until the bell, letting us know that we should be putting our books away now.

Ten-Step was the first one out of his seat, rocketing over towards the shelf where the books were stored. He made his way back to his desk in a hurry, grabbing for his things. Once again, his hand was flying around as if he had no muscular control, knocking my book off of my desk, for the second time today. I was really starting to get angry with this kid. What in the dickens was his problem?! This time though, he didn’t say anything. He only stared down at the yellow book lying on the floor at his feet.

I bent down to pick it up retrieving it, and taking it back to the shelf. By the time I had reached my desk again, the bell rang. And once I had looked up, he was gone. Vanished out of the classroom as if he was never there to begin with.

***

Once again, by the time the final bell rang for school to let us out, I was hurtling towards the edges of campus. I was determined to get home as fast as I could; there were some great ideas floating around in my head at the moment, and I needed to expose them to paper as soon as possible. Plus, I figured making it out of here fast enough wouldn’t give Ten-Step the chance to come and find me. My mind still drew a blank on reasons as to why his behavior was so radically different than it had been every other day before last week. Maybe he was getting into drugs? Maybe somehow he knew Jordan, and Jordan hooked him up.

That’s where I stopped though, telling myself that I was going crazy over such a simple matter. Jordan didn’t know the kid. And I knew Jordan wasn’t into selling that stuff, he only bought it and consumed it. As much as Jordan may have been a complete prick, I knew he wouldn’t sell drugs to someone my age. I had to hope that he wouldn’t, at least. I had to hope that maybe old Jordan was still somewhere in him, and that going to this reform school was going to be good for him.

As much as I hated to admit it, I missed my brother. The brother I used to have, that is.

My footsteps had slowed as I lost myself in the absurd thoughts. I looked around as the scenery passing by me, and I couldn’t help but think about how everything just looked frozen right now. Time may as well have stopped from the way things looked right now. Particles in the air appeared to be suspended, motionless, in the air. Trees didn’t sway, their leaves and buds didn’t move. No cars drove by at the moment, and as I stood there, just meters away from the school, no one surrounding me. It felt like for just those few seconds I stood there, I was completely alone. Then suddenly, things snapped back into motion. A car whizzed by, trees swayed from the sudden wind, their buds and leaves rustling on the branches.

And I wasn’t alone for long again.

The one person I had been trying to avoid managed to hunt me down, again. Honestly!? I felt the compulsion to cuss at him under my breath, or even better, gather up the courage and say it to his face. Unfortunately, I hated the way swear words sounded, and I didn’t want to start saying things Jordan said. Swearing Ten-Step out wouldn’t make me feel better. For long.

He silently took his spot on my left side, walking right beside me. I couldn’t slow down, and I couldn’t speed up, simply because my body wouldn’t allow me. It was like I secretly wanted to walk next to him, and my subconscious was taking care of that for me. I ruled that out as an option instantly though; the absurdity of it all.

For the next fifteen minutes, I walked right beside him. Almost like we were friends. I racked my brain as hard as I could to think of something to say to him that would force him to answer my many questions about everything with him. Nothing came to me of course though, and before I knew it, we were quietly turning the corner to our street.

We were coming up on his house now, and I knew that if I didn’t say anything now, I’d never say it. So I plugged my nose, and jumped.

“Why do you keep walking with me?!” I half shouted to him, trying to make the
words sound as if they weren’t connected, but it came out more like “whyd’youkeepwalkin’withme.”

This caused him to stop, and I stopped with him, standing by his side as his eyes glanced over to me. I shuddered slightly as his eyes met mine, but it felt more like a shiver. Cold spread through my body, but I told myself it was just from the wind picking up. He didn’t say anything, just nervously kicked his shoe on the ground, making a scuffing noise.

I looked at him, raising an eyebrow, expecting an answer. Somehow, I was sensing that he was waiting to see what his answer would be as well. We both stood there; his eyes were cast down at his dirty shoes, my eyes staring at his face. He didn’t look up at me, or say anything else, he just turned on his heel and walked up to his door. I made a face at him as he walked through the door, slamming it. Maybe the kid’s a mute… when he wants to be.