What We Used To Know

The next morning, everything normal happened. I did the usual routine in good time, walking out the door at the same time I did every other day. Orange juice sloshed in my stomach as I walked off the porch, making me grimace.

So far, it was cloudy. But I didn’t expect it to be anything else, so I kept walking, focused on getting to school. The new book I had been reading suddenly drew me in last night when I picked it up, and I wanted to get to Mrs. Peckerman’s room and read up. If only it were possible for me to read and walk at the same time. I didn’t trust myself to do so; I’d probably get run over.

I paced along the pavement rather quickly, not bothering to even look at Ten-Step’s house. Something inside me told me that if I did, I would regret it. This was probably because I heard his door opening just moments before I passed it. The part that disgusted me most was that I didn’t even have to look to my right to know that he was next to me, keeping pace with my own steps. I wanted to sigh in annoyance, and kick the ground aimlessly, but I did neither of the actions. All I did was continue walking, acting as though I didn’t notice him there. He seemed to be doing the same thing though, so I guess it was all good. As usual, neither of us said anything as we walked, only looking straight ahead. I didn’t want to look over at him, for fear that I’d catch him glancing at me. I couldn’t tell if he was stealing peeks at me, and I didn’t want to know, either.

The semi-fast pace I had adopted earlier seemed to have slowed now, and the two of us were stepping carefully as we walked up the long road to the school. We had just passed the park, and I remembered the only night I’d ever been there, the one night I ran into him there. I wondered if he remembered it too, but I didn’t dare to ask him.

I could see the school now, it was about 20 meters in front of us. Soon, we’d go our separate ways, without saying a word, and then continue like this, all the way back home. The only thing I hoped was that “this” would either end soon, or that I’d get some sort of explanation. Nothing was more awkward than walking next to someone whose name you didn’t even know, for nearly half an hour every day.

And out of no where, I heard Ten-Step sigh, opening his mouth. “I’m walkin’ with you because of that one time,” he muttered, so low that I could barely hear him. But I knew he said something, so I looked at him.

“I’m sorry?” I looked to him, beckoning for him to repeat what he said, due to the fact that the first time he said it was incomprehensible.

“I said,” he began, still talking quietly. God forbid he actually look at me while talking. His eyes were focused on his scuffling feet. “I keep walkin’ with y’now because of… that one time. With that guy.”

What “one time?” I was clearly confused, and I’m sure it showed on my face. Of course, he wouldn’t know this, because Ten-Step wasn’t looking at me still.

“What one time?”

“That time… with the bloke in the car. ‘E was yellin’ at you, and I- I,” this was where he faltered, stumbling over his own words. “I saw what ‘appened.”

No. No. He… he saw it? I hoped to God that he hadn’t seen much. I didn’t know what would happen if he saw it all, but I knew it wouldn’t be good. It would provoke curiosity, and I didn’t want this kid trying to figure my family business out. No one knew about Jordan’s issues but my mum and dad. We kept it a secret from all the rest of the relatives, because we were ashamed of how Jordan had to be the odd one out; the failure. And now, I couldn’t have this kid wondering about what happened between Jordan and me.

“What d’you mean, ‘you saw what happened?’ How much did y’see?” I asked him warily, not sure if I wanted to know the answer or not. And the way he paused before he said anything told me I was about to hear something I didn’t want to. Silences always convey the best messages.

“All of it.” The words were said so quietly, I had to strain to hear them again.

Why? Why did Ten-Step seem to be everything I didn’t want or need? He was the kid who made all my work of going unnoticed, cancel out. He followed me when I wanted nothing more than to be alone. He was talking to me when I preferred to keep my mouth shut, and get to school. And now, he had seen things that no one else was meant to see.

The breath in my lungs flew out of me as I exhaled sharply. I didn’t say anything back to him, and we kept walking.

“I walked with you because I was scared for you. That guy looked proper messed up. An’ I didn’t want you to have to walk alone… afte’ that.”

“So why did you continue walkin’ with me?” I shot back, my words involuntarily laced with venom, placing extra emphasis on the word “continue.”

By now, we had worked up a bit of a banter, and no silences were between us as we shot lines at each other.

“’Cause y’looked lonely. An’ I was scared that he’d come back.”

“I am not lonely,” I hissed at him - spitting the words out - and brushing my hair out of my face as the wind attacked me. The words shot out of my mouth like an automatic bullet. “You don’t even know who he is.”

“I know he’s bad. I know that much.”

“I don’t need a stranger lookin’ out for me. I can ‘andle things on my own, thanks.”

Why was the school still so far away from us?! There was no where for me to go but towards the school. And unfortunately, that was the same place he was going, so I was trapped. I didn’t want to talk to him. I didn’t want to walk next to him. Least of all, I didn’t need his scrawny figure looking out for me. What was he going to do if Jordan did show up (even though it was impossible now)?

“’M not a stranger.”

“You don’t even know my name! Did you even know I existed before a few weeks ago?”

“So? Is that what really matters?” he breathed, “And yes, I did! You’ve been walkin’ behind me for almost eight months now, an’ we’ve never even talked. Maybe you should tell me what your name is. Will that make it better?”

“Knowin’ my name’s not gonna make it okay. You don’t need to escort me to and from school. I was doin’ just fine before you started followin’ me.”

“’S not followin’ if we’re going to the same place. I’m Oliver, by the way, just in case you were wondering.”

“Maybe not, but ’s a bit awkward when you’re walking next to someone who you’ve never talked to!”

“We’re talkin’ now, ain’t we? And I believe I just introduced myself. The proper thing is to give your name as well.”

Thank God. The school was before us now, and I could make my escape. I was going to do my best to avoid Oliver as best I could for the rest of my time here. The only thing I could hope was that we’d be moving again. Already, I was sick of dealing with him. Moving was the easy way out, and I was more than happy to take it right now.

“I’m sorry Oliver, but I don’t want much of anythin’ to do with you. Please just leave me alone,” I said as I parted ways with him swiftly, opening the doors to the hallway where Peckerman’s room was located. Today, I prayed more than ever that she was in there. Maybe she’d let me stay in her room for the whole day, although I doubted it. On my way to her room, a small bundle of some feeling grew inside of me. I knew this feeling though. Jordan introduced it to me the day he gave up on himself. This feeling was called hate. Although, the hate I was feeling for Oliver right now, wasn’t the same kind that I felt for Jordan.

The hatred towards Oliver was mostly fueled by annoyance. How hare he think that I need some sort of… bodyguard? Obviously, I was doing just fine until he had to look at me that one day. All it took was one glance to ruin it all. Everything just went to more crap than it already was because of him. Blast. Jordan was long gone, and now, I had this bloke escorting me around. All I wanted was to be alone, and now my single wish can’t even be granted.

I hoped that for everything good in the world, I could start walking home alone again.

The day hadn’t even started yet, and it wasn’t going well. First hour would pass too quickly, because I’d absorb myself in reading a book, or writing. That’s what I always did to pass the time, when learning this or that suddenly became boring. Of course, most of the teachers always gave me dirty looks when they caught me giving my full attention to something other than themselves.

I bolted through the door of Mrs. Peckerman’s room, sighing in relief when I found her sitting at her desk. She was reading a book, as usual. Her gaze didn’t even flicker towards me when I took my spot in the back of the room. She knew it was me, and after she turned a page silently, I heard her speak.

“Good mornin’, Miss Addie,” she chirped, still not looking up from her book. Her voice was rough, crackling from what I guessed was the leftovers of years of smoking. I looked up at her, her white hair sparkling lightly in the light of the room. I was amazed that she kept the same routine nearly every morning. Each day I came in here, she was at her desk, reading a book. I thought that sooner or later she’d get bored of doing the same thing every day. Then I realized, I wasn’t so much unlike her; I did the same thing every morning, just like her.

I just watched as she read silently. The room felt so serene and safe when it was just the two of us in here. I was free to think about whatever I wanted, until first hour began. And Peckerman was in her own world, launching into whatever the fiction of the day was, until she had to begin class.

“Do y’need something, Miss Addie?” Peckerman asked in a raspy voice, still reading the pages of her book. It amazed me how she seemed to hold a conversation while continuing to read.

I shifted in my seat uncomfortably, trying to think of the best way to ask the question floating around in my head. I already knew what the answer would be, but I could try. Maybe.

“Um… Is it alright if I-” I started, trying to find the right words. “Can I stay ‘ere all day?”

For once, she actually looked up at me, placing a hand under her chin to rest her head. The way she looked at me made me feel uneasy, but I tried my best not to break the eye contact.

I heard her sigh, and watched as she looked down to the book that was now laying open on her desk. She looked back up at me, the color in her eyes looking dull.

“Okay, Addie. But only if you promise t’ sit in the back for the day, an’ stay quiet. If you ‘ave any other work to do for another class, I suggest you work on it.”

The smile tugging at the corner of her lips soon matched mine, and I uttered a “thank you” before pulling my book from my bag. Today, was going to be one spend on… whatever. I could read, or write, or God forbid, work on some homework from some other class. Peckerman offered to pick up work from all my other classes so I could at least stay busy and keep up with the class, but I declined. The last thing I wanted to do today, was work from another class. I guess it wouldn’t have been as bad as actually being in the class, but, I just didn’t feel like it.

I tried my best to pay attention all first hour, so that Mrs. Peckerman wouldn’t get mad at me for staying in her room the entire day, yet not bothering to pay attention in her own class. Her class was one of my best, because it was the reading and writing class. She knew how much I loved reading and writing, so I never got into too much trouble when I ditched paying attention to her for my latest book.

First hour passed too fast. I was actually paying attention this time. We were learning about the different types of poetry, and how to write them. I came up with some good samples in the forms that we learned, and turned them into Peckerman at the end of the period. That was the assignment for the day, to come up with at least two poems using the new forms we learned. I’d managed to create five. Most of it had to do with feeling alone for so long, and then the sudden changes that went along when some attention was brought upon me, by a stranger. No doubt this all had to do with Oliver.

One reason I didn’t wanted to go to any other class, was for fear that he’d show up in one of my classes. It’d be just my luck that he’d get sent in there for some reason, and then I’d have to deal with him, and his… ways of being annoying. That one memory from the time he had been in my science class was still burned into my brain. He didn’t even have to do much to come across as a total weirdo to me. Something about him was just off. It was hard to place, but there was obviously something a little weird about him, and I didn’t want to have anything to do with him.

Second hour, I just remained quiet in the back of the class, alternating between reading in my book, and writing. Since last class, I’d written a slew of poems, adding on to the small collection I had already made in first hour. It just felt like the words were pouring from my head and onto the paper, via pencil. My hand was flying across the paper, words scribbling out underneath it.

I must have been writing loudly, because someone whispered harshly to me “Will you stop writing!?”

I tried to hide my reddening cheeks, dropping the pencil that very moment. I didn’t pick it up again until the bell rang, and second hour was over. Only then did I dare to continue my thoughts. More syllables and words were placed upon the piece of lined paper, and I wasn’t even too aware of my surroundings anymore until I was ripped from my thoughts by the sound of a deafening screech.

My head whipped around to the source of the noise, eyes widening - to the point where I’m sure my eyeballs could have popped out of their sockets - at the body standing beside the desk next to me. He coughed and sat back down, gently scooting the desk back into its place, generating a low squealing noise from the metal sliding across the floor.

God must have a strange sense of humor, because this is really starting to get cheesy. And overly coincidental.

“No,” I groaned, dragging out the word. Whatever. I’d just ignore him. For the next… hour and a half.

Well, part of the mystery of Oliver was slowly unfolding. He was in my year, because Peckerman doesn’t teach any other years besides eight. So now we have a name, and an age for this boy. Not like I really wanted to know either though…

“Well ‘ello,” he said, turning his head to face my direction. I ignored him though, trying as hard as I could to give my paper and pencil the deathstare, instead of giving it to Oliver. “Didn’t expect to see you here today.”

Well, I didn’t expect that either, now did I?! I tried to calm myself down from the slight mental I attack I was having, talking myself down inside my head. I really hoped he wouldn’t try talking to me anymore. Just because we were both in the back of the class didn’t mean that he could get away with trying to talk to me, without being noticed by the teacher.

I continued ignoring him, not daring to utter a single word to him. Of course, Oliver didn’t get the message that I didn’t want to talk, and kept trying to provoke some sort of conversation.

“Never told me your name.”

I didn’t even bother looking up when he spoke to me.

“Y’know ‘s not polite to blatantly ignore someone.”

Well you know it’s not polite to blatantly pester someone when they clearly do not want to talk to you.

“Ah c’mon, what’s the first letter? Gimme a hint.”

Did he really think I was actually going to talk to him? This kid was more annoying than anyone I’ve ever encountered.

“Okay,” he whispered, “if that’s how you wanna do it.”

I slowly turned my head to face him, his hand raising into the air silently. Mrs. Peckerman noticed, and called on him.

“Yes, Oliver?”

“I’m havin’ a bit of trouble with this lass next to me,” he uttered nonchalantly. I could feel all color from my face drain, and then come back to hit me with a painful rush. Everyone had turned around to face us, looking directly at me, with questioning faces. I could tell they wondered why I was here, because they’d never seen me before.

“Miss Addie’s botherin’ you?” she asked, looking at me with a knowing look. I gave her a weary one, shaking my head back and forth vigorously.

Oliver smiled, his lips curling upwards like a villain. “Oh, never mind. I think we’re good now.”

I wanted to avert my eyes as Oliver turned his head to face me, still smiling like the Joker. His eyes lit up as he saw the expression on my face, making his smile grow wider.

“Addie, Addie, Addie,” he whispered, letting his smile fall so that it was now only a smirk. And here, I’ve been found out. This is the first person in seven - no, nearly eight - months now who has learned my name. I never wanted to talk to anybody here, least of all Oliver.