‹ Prequel: Dear Jane Doe
Confusion Girl
Twelve
My body reacted before my mind could comprehend how good his lips felt or how his hands running across my back made me weak-kneed. I shoved him away, flinching from his warm arms so there was a considerable space between us.
“What the fuck was that?”
His breathing was ragged, his eyes shining brightly against the cast iron glow from Jo’s headlights. I watched in horror as his tongue traced his lips slowly as if checking they were still attached. “You taste the same.”
“What the hell Alec? What the hell do you want me to say to that? ‘Oh yeah it was real nice having your lips smashed against mine after hating you for 2 years. It made all that animosity simply disappear and we should get together and live happily ever after,” I spat sarcastically, waving my arms around in round disbelieving movement.
A smirk broke into his nonchalant mask. It brought forth the tempting urge to punch it off of him but my mind couldn’t get past how it still released a swarm of unwanted butterflies within my stomach. “You still look sexy when you’re mad too,” he chuckled.
“Have you been drinking?” I pointed an accusing finger into his chest “because that is the only reason you could be acting like this. You don’t want me Alec. You want fucking Barbie or whatever.”
His eyes lost their sparkle then, returning to a dead blue which made it easier for me to hate him. “You don’t understand.”
“Don’t make this my fault – you’re just a dick who enjoys torturing girls like me.”
“I kissed you; I hardly think that’s considered torture.”
“Screw you Alec,” I hissed before storming over to the car where the three tipsy guys were. I rolled my eyes at them, shoving Jo out of the driver’s seat seen as I was their designated driver. My heart still beat rapidly within my chest, breaths shallower than normal. I so wanted to just drive off then; to leave Alec behind forever dwelling on his stupid inappropriate kisses.
The passenger’s door opened sharply before the guilty culprit slid beside me. My knuckles turned stark white on the wheel as I gripped it furiously. I was so mad at him – what gave him the right to kiss me?
My foot pounded on the peddle so we shot out of the parking lot with probably more speed than necessary. A drunken cheer passed over the backseats while I focused my eyes determinedly on the road ahead. I could feel Alec’s eyes searching me for the truth, the truth which even I refused to accept or acknowledge. I’d loved his lips on mine. The way they tasted of cigarettes and cinnamon, they way his they’d curled up into a triumphant smirk, the way his tongue flicked out daringly to dance across mine.
“What happened with you and music shop guy Eliza?” Tom smiled sloppily at me through the rear-view mirror. Alec deliberately cracked his fists and clenched his jaw but I chose to ignore him, his obvious display of jealous behavior just infuriating me.
“It went good, I’ll probably meet up with him some time next weekend for dinner,” the words were spewing from my mouth like poison. I’d never been keen on lying but hadn’t realized how the deceit came like second nature to me.
Alec snorted obnoxiously. I turned a corner deliberately sharp so his shoulder cajoled with the door. His groan roused a sneer from me, and I wondered when I had become so bitter?
“Actually Lizz,” he glared “we need you this weekend.”
“We?”
“The band, we’re having a concert a few towns over and need you to sell merchandise.”
“I’m not being your merch girl,” I spat. “This is just so I can’t date Carlos – that’s his name – because your fucking ego wants to ruin everything for me.”
“Maybe I just know he’s a bad guy,” Alec smirked triumphantly as if he’d won.
“Oh yeah,” I snorted “because you’re such a good judge of character. Bet you can’t even remember all of your ex-girlfriends’ names. Lilly Jacobs ring a bell? Or maybe Pamela Dockerty?”
“We’re not talking about me here, this is all you sweetheart.”
I swerved the car into Jo’s drive and switched off the ignition quickly. “Don’t call me sweetheart or Lizz. You don’t know me anymore so don’t pretend to. I can date whoever I want and if I do, it’s none of your business.” My tone was cold, detached, mirroring how I was trying to shove my breaking heart away from me.
“Lizz,” Alec growled but I was already out the door and stalking over to Jo’s house. I sped up the stairs, shaking off his hand when it caught my wrist and crushing my bedroom door on his patronizingly gorgeous face.
I closed my eyes as it opened; cursing it for having no lock, before Alec’s hot breath was in my face. My body was in his, a blur of material and anger pushing us together. I pounded fists against his chest without any real force and he traced his lips down my jaw.
“I hate you,” I half moaned half sobbed.
“I know,” he sighed, the smell of cigarettes washing through my hair.
“Stop doing this to me Alec, it’s not fair,” I tried to step away from him but found his arms entrapping me.
“Just know that you were my first love Lizz and for that you’ll always be special to me. I’m not asking for a second chance but just don’t yell so much or hate me so obviously. It hurts more than you could understand.”
“Don’t talk about hurt. You won’t win that competition.”
“I know Lizz and one day I’ll be able to tell you why I did what I did but for now just... just stop torturing me.”
I unclasped his hands from around me and stepped back slowly. “Bradshaw, get out of my room so I can sleep.” His desperately blue eyes searched my face and found the small smirk riddling my pale lips. He grinned back, drew a hand through the ends of his blond hair before letting it slowly brush down my arm. I didn’t flinch away but didn’t smile either – an opaque statue.
“Night,” he whispered.
The sounds of three tipsy guys rummaging noisily around for more alcohol downstairs brought Alec back to his senses. He left quickly. I fought with the urge to sigh out in relief, knowing I wouldn’t have to force myself to hate Alec any longer. We couldn’t be friends but we didn’t have to be enemies either. It was exhausting being permanently angry with the man you were so bitterly in love with.
As I wiped my heavy eyes of makeup, the cloth staining black, a box of something tucked in my bathroom cabinet caught my attention. I reached for it carefully, my mind mulling over the idea using it. With a last short glance at the stranger in my mirror, I turned to the shower and pulled the box open.
“What the fuck was that?”
His breathing was ragged, his eyes shining brightly against the cast iron glow from Jo’s headlights. I watched in horror as his tongue traced his lips slowly as if checking they were still attached. “You taste the same.”
“What the hell Alec? What the hell do you want me to say to that? ‘Oh yeah it was real nice having your lips smashed against mine after hating you for 2 years. It made all that animosity simply disappear and we should get together and live happily ever after,” I spat sarcastically, waving my arms around in round disbelieving movement.
A smirk broke into his nonchalant mask. It brought forth the tempting urge to punch it off of him but my mind couldn’t get past how it still released a swarm of unwanted butterflies within my stomach. “You still look sexy when you’re mad too,” he chuckled.
“Have you been drinking?” I pointed an accusing finger into his chest “because that is the only reason you could be acting like this. You don’t want me Alec. You want fucking Barbie or whatever.”
His eyes lost their sparkle then, returning to a dead blue which made it easier for me to hate him. “You don’t understand.”
“Don’t make this my fault – you’re just a dick who enjoys torturing girls like me.”
“I kissed you; I hardly think that’s considered torture.”
“Screw you Alec,” I hissed before storming over to the car where the three tipsy guys were. I rolled my eyes at them, shoving Jo out of the driver’s seat seen as I was their designated driver. My heart still beat rapidly within my chest, breaths shallower than normal. I so wanted to just drive off then; to leave Alec behind forever dwelling on his stupid inappropriate kisses.
The passenger’s door opened sharply before the guilty culprit slid beside me. My knuckles turned stark white on the wheel as I gripped it furiously. I was so mad at him – what gave him the right to kiss me?
My foot pounded on the peddle so we shot out of the parking lot with probably more speed than necessary. A drunken cheer passed over the backseats while I focused my eyes determinedly on the road ahead. I could feel Alec’s eyes searching me for the truth, the truth which even I refused to accept or acknowledge. I’d loved his lips on mine. The way they tasted of cigarettes and cinnamon, they way his they’d curled up into a triumphant smirk, the way his tongue flicked out daringly to dance across mine.
“What happened with you and music shop guy Eliza?” Tom smiled sloppily at me through the rear-view mirror. Alec deliberately cracked his fists and clenched his jaw but I chose to ignore him, his obvious display of jealous behavior just infuriating me.
“It went good, I’ll probably meet up with him some time next weekend for dinner,” the words were spewing from my mouth like poison. I’d never been keen on lying but hadn’t realized how the deceit came like second nature to me.
Alec snorted obnoxiously. I turned a corner deliberately sharp so his shoulder cajoled with the door. His groan roused a sneer from me, and I wondered when I had become so bitter?
“Actually Lizz,” he glared “we need you this weekend.”
“We?”
“The band, we’re having a concert a few towns over and need you to sell merchandise.”
“I’m not being your merch girl,” I spat. “This is just so I can’t date Carlos – that’s his name – because your fucking ego wants to ruin everything for me.”
“Maybe I just know he’s a bad guy,” Alec smirked triumphantly as if he’d won.
“Oh yeah,” I snorted “because you’re such a good judge of character. Bet you can’t even remember all of your ex-girlfriends’ names. Lilly Jacobs ring a bell? Or maybe Pamela Dockerty?”
“We’re not talking about me here, this is all you sweetheart.”
I swerved the car into Jo’s drive and switched off the ignition quickly. “Don’t call me sweetheart or Lizz. You don’t know me anymore so don’t pretend to. I can date whoever I want and if I do, it’s none of your business.” My tone was cold, detached, mirroring how I was trying to shove my breaking heart away from me.
“Lizz,” Alec growled but I was already out the door and stalking over to Jo’s house. I sped up the stairs, shaking off his hand when it caught my wrist and crushing my bedroom door on his patronizingly gorgeous face.
I closed my eyes as it opened; cursing it for having no lock, before Alec’s hot breath was in my face. My body was in his, a blur of material and anger pushing us together. I pounded fists against his chest without any real force and he traced his lips down my jaw.
“I hate you,” I half moaned half sobbed.
“I know,” he sighed, the smell of cigarettes washing through my hair.
“Stop doing this to me Alec, it’s not fair,” I tried to step away from him but found his arms entrapping me.
“Just know that you were my first love Lizz and for that you’ll always be special to me. I’m not asking for a second chance but just don’t yell so much or hate me so obviously. It hurts more than you could understand.”
“Don’t talk about hurt. You won’t win that competition.”
“I know Lizz and one day I’ll be able to tell you why I did what I did but for now just... just stop torturing me.”
I unclasped his hands from around me and stepped back slowly. “Bradshaw, get out of my room so I can sleep.” His desperately blue eyes searched my face and found the small smirk riddling my pale lips. He grinned back, drew a hand through the ends of his blond hair before letting it slowly brush down my arm. I didn’t flinch away but didn’t smile either – an opaque statue.
“Night,” he whispered.
The sounds of three tipsy guys rummaging noisily around for more alcohol downstairs brought Alec back to his senses. He left quickly. I fought with the urge to sigh out in relief, knowing I wouldn’t have to force myself to hate Alec any longer. We couldn’t be friends but we didn’t have to be enemies either. It was exhausting being permanently angry with the man you were so bitterly in love with.
As I wiped my heavy eyes of makeup, the cloth staining black, a box of something tucked in my bathroom cabinet caught my attention. I reached for it carefully, my mind mulling over the idea using it. With a last short glance at the stranger in my mirror, I turned to the shower and pulled the box open.
