Confusion Girl

It was hot in Jo’s car. Stifling almost. I sat in between a shifting Tom and a fidgeting Alec so my legs were continuously knocking with their movements. I held in my growl of annoyance to bask in the notion that I had a job interview for something other than a coffee shop. For something with the promise of providing me with a half decent career.

The atmosphere in the car was alive – the boys couldn’t shut up about their upcoming Madison Square gig and I felt their individual joy seep through my veins. I didn’t even mind when Alec’s hand rested itself cautiously beside my own, both of them lying side by side in my lap. I turned to smile blindly at him as another round of excited chatter started up again.

“Tell me the words he said exactly Eliza. Relay everything you heard – let us all bask in the beauty of that phone conversation,” Tom giggled next to me. I didn’t even roll my eyes, or feel aggravated that I’d be repeating myself for possibly the fourth time, as I recalled the rather short and awkward call.

“Just why did you answer Alec’s phone anyway?” John turned slightly in his front seat to watch my reaction. He might have been expecting a stutter or at the very least a blush but I just smirked at him.

“We’d just finished having hot, passionate hate sex and Alec was in the shower.” I was proud of the straight face I’d managed to hold through this blatant lie. It was my high affecting the communication part of my brain, not even recognizing the effect it would have on everyone else.

Looking around the car at them all made me severely regret even opening my mouth. The excitement had died to be replaced by a stunned, uncomfortable silence. Even Jo, who was driving, was staring at me dumfounded through the mirror. I rolled my eyes at them; not even daring to glance at Alec beside me who I just knew was whiter than a sheet.

“It was a joke people, you really think I’d go anywhere near that,” I jabbed a finger at Alec “with the intention of doing anything other than hurting him?”

There was another tense silence which suggested that all of them thought I wanted to do a lot more with Alec than hurt him. I restrained the urge to flick them off, understanding that I was in an enclosed space with the four of them for a large number of hours.

“Well,” Tom flung an arm around my shoulders and pulled me gently into him “not that I’m not loving this awkward silence thing we have going on, but Eliza here didn’t even finish her word for word recount of that famous phone call.”

Relieved, I grabbed hold of that and retold the story with probably more animation than necessary. It slightly pissed me off that the guys couldn’t even take a joke about Alec and I, as if we were this taboo subject which should just be left forgotten. Even though for a long time I wanted nothing more than to forget Alec, I had come to accept what we had and what I would definitely not let happen again. He had made a fool out of me once but 2 years had done a lot more than change my hair color and give me an English degree. I wouldn’t be anyone’s idiot again.

“How long have we been driving for?” I moaned, fanning my flushed face with my hand. The heat hadn’t lessened with the suns disappearance. If anything, it felt hotter than before crowded in that run down car with four boys. I could smell someone’s forgotten banana in the boot no doubt left there by Jo for some days, and found it increasingly difficult to get comfy sandwiched between two fairly large guys.

“Three hours or so,” Jo mumbled, his words almost slurring together. John had since fallen asleep after his high and Tom was snoring peacefully into my hair as he leant fully against me. As much as I fought to stay completely upright his weight was pushing me into Alec. I reluctantly slid into him further so Tom’s head could rest on my shoulder instead of my own head.

“We just passed a hotel,” Alec said although his eyes were trained on me. Just how he spotted such a hotel was beyond me. “We could all do with a rest.”

I nodded stiffly, trying to ignore the fact that my body and his were meshing into each other. The warmth was so familiar. The comfort was so familiar. It was like my very own torture, being so close to something I used to love with every inch of me. I wanted it back and I wanted it gone.

Jo muttered something incoherent before making a highly illegal swerve over into the opposite lane. It didn’t take long for the hotel to come back into sight. It was pleasant enough but, by this time, anything with a bed would have looked like heaven. I was burnt out from my excitement, my side was sore from Tom sleeping against it and my skin felt like it was on fire. The extreme heat and Alec’s closeness were proving far too overwhelming.

The perky woman at the reception desk openly gawked at Alec as we stood side by side before her. Jo had gone to park the car and wake up the other two (both unpleasant jobs we’d luckily escaped) and so we were alone. It felt peculiar not having them, peculiar and alarmingly nice. I could almost imagine that no time had elapsed, that Alec and I were just there for a quickie because we couldn’t wait before we got home.

“Three of your biggest rooms please,” I snapped. Being ignored by this woman who was wired with caffeine (her many coffee cups littering the desk gave her away), and having Alec wrap an arm sneakily around my waist put me in a further worse mood. I was so tired that I didn’t even care about the job interview, just where the closest bed was.

“Will you two be sharing a room?” she asked, eyebrows rising up into her hairline. I really didn’t see what that had to do with anything and, just as I was about to tell her so, Alec placed a very smug grin on his face. I knew that grin and felt my stomach flip with anticipation.

“Yes. We’re going to go upstairs and have hot, passionate hate sex. Right Lizz?”

I bit my tongue to just smile sarcastically, making sure my foot landed down on his. “That’s right sweet cheeks. Only I forgot the Viagra, is that going to be a problem again?”

I caught the disturbed look which flashed across the woman’s face and my sarcastic smile spread into a real one. Humiliating Alec would always brighten my mood, especially in front of desperate looking women who eyed him as if he were a piece of meat.

Alec, though, seemed unperturbed and pulled me suddenly alarmingly close to him. His even breathe washed over my face and our noses were almost touching. “With the way I’m feeling right now baby, forgetting the Viagra will be the least of your worries.”

The woman let out a pathetic sigh, as if picturing herself in my very shoes and marveling about how a guy could be so dreamy. I scowled darkly and backed sharply away from him. The keys were already out on the desk and so, narrowly missing an empty coffee cup, I grabbed one. With a last poisonous look at Alec I turned on my heel and marched over to the elevator.

Unfortunately, fate had decided to turn against me. The elevator didn’t show any signs of life and Alec slowly made his way over to me.

“I can safely say that your dramatic exit wasn’t very dramatic.”

I pulled a face at the elevator door just as the thing decided to open. “You should just be grateful I wasn’t in the mood to tell little miss starry eyed over there who you really were. I’m sure you’d love it if she called up all her groupie friends so they could camp outside your room.”

“Actually,” Alec stepped into the elevator with me just as Jo and two heavy eyed musicians entered the hotel “I would love that.”

“I bet,” I rolled my eyes and jabbed the buttons. When he made no move to press for his own floor I eyed him suspiciously. “You know we’re not actually going to have hot, passionate hate sex, right?”

He laughed, blonde hair falling sparsely into his eyes. I swallowed the memories and fought the urge to reach out and touch him. It hurt how beautiful he was, how much I paled in comparison, how much I wanted to invite him back to my room.

“I guessed as much, although the invitation’s open from this end.”

I smiled slightly as the elevator stopped at my floor. The elevator doors opened to reveal a long, heavily decorated hallway which held the promise of a cheap hotel room and a cheap hotel bed.

“Goodnight Alec,” I almost whispered before stepping out. It only took me a few milliseconds to realize I wasn’t going anywhere as Alec’s arms stopped me. I turned indignantly in his arms to shout at him for holding me back.

“Goodnight Lizz,” he murmured softly, planting a delicate kiss on my lips before I could even blink. He had stepped back into the closing elevator and was gone as my mind was finally returned to me. I almost punched the wall, realizing what he had just done for the second time! He had some nerve. Kissing me without any permission or incentive again.

Feeling stupid and suddenly emotional, I found my hotel room and fell onto the bed without even undressing. My last conscious moments were spent picturing ways of torturing Alec Bradshaw. My last subconscious moments were spent touching my lips and feeling the beautiful tingle still there.