Confusion Girl

I was angry at Alec again. Although I had never really actually not been angry at him (not for two years anyway) since the night before and his little ‘goodnight kiss’ my fury had increased tenfold. I wouldn’t look at him as we tucked in to a Mcdonald’s breakfast. I wouldn’t reply to anything he said. I asked for the seat next to the window instead of being complacent with the seat in the middle so I wouldn’t have to touch Alec even once.

I had slept fitfully but that didn’t mean I had forgotten just what I had felt when he’d disappeared back into that elevator. He hadn’t even taken the abuse he’d known was coming. He’d run away just like he had a habit of doing. It reminded me of that childhood nursery rhyme I’d been taught growing up in England.

“Georgie Porgie , pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry;
When the boys came out to play,
Georgie Porgie ran away.”

It fit Alec perfectly and I couldn’t help but hum in to myself, in my mind changing the lyrics to incorporate Alec Bradshaw over Georgie Porgie. I had nothing against Georgie Porgie but Alec made my blood boil and hands clench into fists. It took everything I had not to start shouting at him in front of everyone as we sped along the highway. Tom sat peacefully in the middle, oblivious to how much I wanted to reach over him and slap the sorry excuse for a man on his right side.

The day wasn’t any cooler than the last so we had every window rolled down again and it was necessary for someone to complain about the lack of air con in Jo’s car every other minute. The sun’s rays bore down onto my arm which lay along the window’s rim. My pale skin was starting to gain a slight tan and I could only imagine how different I looked from the girl who’d landed in Massachusetts’ airport a few months ago. The only thing which really remained the same was my attitude towards Alec Bradshaw.

One of their songs came on to the radio and Jo hooted, turning the volume right up. I rolled my eyes. Alec’s sweet voice sung me a sped up lullaby while Tom beside me strung his air guitar. There were memories which seemed to be linked with almost every one of their songs. Memories of being with them while they wrote it, practised it, performed it. I even remembered the day I’d tripped over a guitar at one of their band meetings and the line “you just fell over my guitar baby, don’t let the music getcha, oh don’t you let those cords come getcha,” had been created and slapped into a song.

A set of vibrations shot through me, originating from my pocket where my phone lay. I pulled it out and answered it mechanically, Alec’s sweet voice just dying out for the guitar solo to begin in the background.

“Hello?”

“Hey Eliza, it’s Carlos. You know... Carlos from the music shop?”

He sounded so shy, unsure, that it brought a smile to my lips. “Hey Carlos, yeah I remember you.”

“Well I just called quickly to apologise for the other night when I saw you. I was drunk. Actually I was pretty wasted and I can’t remember exactly what I said but it was no doubt rude.”

I bit my lip and tried casting my mind back to the night of the gig where I vaguely remembered seeing him. There had been Alec. Plenty of Alec. But I really couldn’t properly remember what Carlos had said.

“It’s fine,” I covered quickly “you were fine.”

Tom cocked his head and asked me who was on the phone by mouthing the words. I mouthed back Carlos and watched a sly smirk overcome his face.

“Really?” he sounded cheered by the revelation that he hadn’t slated me or assaulted me in his past drunk state. “Thank God. I thought for a while there I’d ruined my chances.”

I didn’t have to ask him to explain that, I knew what he was referring to.

“So I was thinking... are you free this Saturday?”

“This Saturday?” I asked, stalling for time, trying to ask myself if I seriously wanted to accept whatever he was going to ask me next.

“Yeah, I was wondering if you’d like to come to dinner with me. It wouldn’t have to be anything formal but I already have reservations at ‘Italia’ if you wanted to go?”

‘Italia’ was one of the most expensive restaurants in town and you couldn’t wear anything less than a dress if you wanted to get passed their snobby waiters. Alec had taken me there once and only once on the small wage he earned from working in a laundrette on the weekends. I only remembered Alec and the way he’d watched me over the dimly lit table. The food could have been disgusting for all I knew, the decorations tacky, because there was only Alec and his beautiful clear eyes. And I hated myself for thinking of Alec while I was on the phone with Carlos.
“Sure,” I bit my lip, guilt making me agree more than anything else.

“Oh, great! Thank you Eliza. I’ll... I’ll pick you up at eight on Saturday. Text me your address later on, okay?”

“Yeah, of course.”

When I hung up and raised my eyes away from my lap, all the boys were staring at me (except for Jo who was still driving). “What?”

“Music shop guy, eh?” John smirked and wriggled his eyebrows suggestively.

“What were you ‘sure’ing and ‘of course’ing about then young lady?” Tom put on a stern look which almost crumbled when I met it calmly.

“I’m going on a date with him this Saturday.”

There wasn’t time for this to sink in as Tom and Alec let out a yelp of pain together.

“Fuck man,” Tom put a hand up to his head, nursing it carefully “what did you do that for?”

“What? It was an accident,” Alec moaned from what I could only assume was the pain throbbing in his own head.

“Yeah well if you hadn’t jumped a mile when Eliza said about dating another guy I wouldn’t have a huge lump in my head where your oversized noggin smacked into it.”

Jo and John cracked up in the front while I just pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to drown out the argument which would inevitably follow.

“Maybe if you didn’t pry into other people’s lives I wouldn’t feel the need to bang my head into yours!” Alec raged back, never one to let an issue pass.

“Oh! So it’s my fault that you haven’t got the balls to ask Eliza out again but you still freak out every time another guy so much as looks at her?”

I shrunk down into the seat, wishing that the material would just fold me up into it. It was one thing experiencing a Tom vs Alec argument from a proximity as close as this, it was quite another to have the argument revolve around me.

“What’s that got to do with anything? She’s too good for Carlos anyway, in case anyone was wondering, and that doesn’t instantly mean that I want to go out with her!”

“Come on man,” Tom shook his head “who do you think you’re fooling?”

There was an incredibly awkward silence which filled the car like water and drowned us all as effectively. Nobody said anything. Nobody even breathed. Nobody wanted to add anything to what had finally been put out there.

“Is it just me?” I said at last “or is it fucking boiling in this car?”

And that was all it took for the atmosphere to return to normal. I knew I wasn’t dealing with mature people here; it was different when something got awkward between girls. With these four just a mention of the temperature was enough to get their minds off of an argument – and just like that everything was forgiven. I almost laughed. I would have laughed if my mind wasn’t replying Tom’s words over and over again.

Who do you think you’re fooling?

I could feel them burn just as completely as if they had been directed towards me – they may as well have been. Because who had I been fooling? Myself? Alec? The band? I so wasn’t over Alec Bradshaw. I so totally wasn’t.

A different ringtone filled the stuffy air. Alec picked the thing up, stared at it strangely for a few seconds, before putting it carefully to his ear as if scared it might burn him. Everyone was silent. It was as if we all knew this call was important in ways that mine hadn’t been.

“Early? How early are we… 8 hours? Well… yeah I know it’s a big deal… you don’t have to explain it to me, I know! Fine. 12 o’clock it is. Okay, bye.”

Alec shut the phone and took a few slow, steadying breaths.

“You get the just of that guys?” he asked us, eyes looking suddenly tired. We all shook our heads because, in all honesty, we had no fucking clue.

“That was Dave, our manager?” Jo asked quietly. We were all seemingly holding our breath for whatever bad news was about to come. Of course the gig had been too good to be true. Of course it had been a mistake, a misunderstanding, which had just been put right.

Alec nodded “Apparently he wants us to be there early for the gig to get ready, 8 hours they think it should take. Dave said to be there for midday.”

All the boys let out their held breaths.

“You had me freaking out for a while there man,” John clapped a hand over his heart which was no doubt still racing. “Don’t do that to me.”

“Yeah,” Tom chuckled “judging by your face I thought it would be something like the whole gig had been cancelled.”

Alec shook his head and cast worried eyes over to me. Because I hadn’t let out my breath. There was no way, in that amount of time with my knowledge of Maryland, that I would be getting to that job interview (which I’d called about that morning and had already gotten an appointment for 11:30 Tuesday morning.). The guys wouldn’t be able to go to their gig and drop me off – there just wasn’t enough time.

“Fuck,” I hissed out, my relatively good mood evaporating. My dream job was no longer something I could imagine reaching out and grabbing, it returned into just being a mirage. Into just being a daydream. Back to coffee shops, dirty aprons and bad pay I went.

“What’s wrong Eliza?” Tom turned to me.

“Nothing,” I muttered darkly “just nothing.”

Alec let out a loud sigh before explaining about the job interview. I don’t know how he knew or remembered the thing but I cringed when he said out loud that it wouldn’t be possible for them to get to the gig and then to Maryland (which was a further 5 hours away from New York if the traffic was good).

John scoffed from the front and we stared at him in disbelief. Had he just scoffed at my misfortune?

“What the fuck man?” Alec almost growled.

“You guys are getting so worked up over nothing. It’s really not that complicated at all. We’ll be at New York in a few hours then one of us could jet Eliza up to Maryland then drive back. Worst case scenario that person is back for 3 maybe 4 on Tuesday,” John had on a cocky grin as if he’d just solved the Rubix Cube he never could quite conquer.

“That’s actually quite a good idea,” Jo complimented.

I found myself nodding, my high spirits returned to me. “I fucking love you John,” I beamed “you’re a genius.”