Confusion Girl

The flight itself was pretty okay. Sure, I came off it with cramps in every inch of my body and a headache courtesy of a screaming child, but it was okay. What wasn’t so okay was realizing that I was really back in Massachusetts.

I kept telling myself this journey was strictly for practical reasons like how I was poor and couldn’t afford a house on my own but Alec wasn’t far from my mind. In fact he never really left it. Ever since that poster he’d taken up permanent residency there.

I walked steadily out of the terminal with my luggage trailing behind me in a noisy rattle. It was nice to walk around an independent woman complete with proper English degrees, I felt empowered and free. But that all seemed frivolous compared to being back home now.

Home… Technically I was born and raised in England but I’d never truly think of it as such. America was really my home. It was where the best year of my life had staged and therefore became branded with the familiar term ‘home’ in my mind forever. Being back after 2 years was peculiar and yet amazing. I’d missed the warmer weather and odd little things here and there that you never even consider.

“Eliza?” I turned to see a hoodie wearing sun glass clad boy advancing quickly toward me.

“Jo” I squealed as he engulfed me in a huge hug.

“Eliza… look at you” he pulled away and studied me with eyes hidden behind those tinted sun glasses. I chuckled at them but guessed they were a necessity for ‘not being recognized by fans’. The undercover look suited him.

I twirled confidently and observed myself with mild apprehension. I wore a plain outfit really; skinny black jeans, a white blouse and some flats, but I think it was my hair that did it. Gone were the auburn curls that used to adorn my shoulders and now a peroxide blonde straight cut fell instead. My makeup which used to be minimal was dark and contrasting against my pale skin. I liked it because it was as drastically different as I could get.

“You look amazing” he smiled brilliantly, snatching my luggage from me. When I went to protest he just laughed and said something about ‘being a gentleman for once’. With that my mind got caught in memories of Alec again before I had a chance to regain them.

“So Eliza what have you been doing with yourself these last few years?” he chirped up as we strode along. I considered it for a moment, a habit of mine was to analyze most questions before redeeming them answerable.

“Studying a lot. Met some nice people even though I don’t plan on keeping contact, they were all a bit too happy for me. You know I’m not one for all those constant smiles and ‘happy clappy’ days.”

Jo bit back a laugh “yeah you’re the more ‘leave me the fuck alone’ type.”

Playfully, I shoved him slightly but couldn’t fight back the smile. I’d missed Jo more than I’d ever allowed myself to consider, he was the only real family I loved enough to fight against. My mother had been no trouble to forget but that brotherly cousin who seemed to have a talent for meddling was a battle to forget. Even then I don’t think I ever let him go too far.

“We missed you” I couldn’t tell if Jo was looking at me through those shades or not. I chose to ignore the ‘we’ part, knowing he was trying to include Alec somewhere.

“I missed you more than anything” sincerity thick in my tone “Tom and John too.” In that perfect year blurred slightly by barriers I had become severely close to the band. They were such great guys and became my very best friends.

He sighed heavily beside me but said no more. We’d just exited the teeming doors so the sunshine caught my face in its bright beams. I basked in it joyfully, the sun had been scarce in England and I’d missed this sun which felt almost like an old friend to me too. I greeted America with a tooth bearing grin that cracked my face slightly with its lack of use. I really was quite strange.

Jo led the way through the masses of people hurrying to either escape or return, toward the car park filled with too many cars. I noticed his crappy old car almost immediately and ran to it childishly. Even though Jo was probably pretty rich now he still kept this piece of shit filled with so many memories it hurt to blink.

I stroked the chipped paint lovingly as if it were perfect. “I think you missed my car more than me” Jo threw my luggage into the boot. Laughing, I opened the door and flung myself onto the seat which felt strangely lumpy. Before I knew it two long warm arms had entrapped me.

“What the hell?” I fidgeted in alarm only to see Tom’s innocent face peering up at me. I sat slap bang in his lap without any way of escape. Instead of being mad, an intense feeling of relief rushed through my veins, causing me to throw my arms around his neck and hug him for dear life.

“Eliza!” he giggled “it’s so good to see you again even though I barely recognized you.” Pulling away from him I scrambled into the back where I could sit comfortably while still grinning at my old friend.

Quickly, Jo jumped in and interrupted my quick catch up with Tom. “Thank fuck we can get out of this airport” he exclaimed overdramatically… same old Jo.

“Oh yeah” I humored him “all those fans crawling over each other to get to you were becoming tiresome.” He grumbled something under the roar of the engine as we set off abruptly.

I caught Tom’s curious gaze in the mirror “you’ve changed Eliza.” The name Eliza was really only what I responded to, Elizabeth Brooke was too long and nobody called me Lizz. Not anymore.

“I’ve had to change Tom.”