And It Was Perfect

The cool wind breeze deteriorated as Leo turned off the only thing that has kept me alive inside this torn-up basement. “What the hell, Leo!” I bursted out, nearly coming out as a loud yell that bounced off around the soundproof walls. “Don’t you know how hot it is?” I asked, standing up to turn it on.

“It’s a waste of electricity.” He stated as-a-matter-of-fact. “Let’s just go outside for a walk.” Leo pulled an umbrella from the corner and suddenly opened it in front of me, sending to a shock enough for me to fall from my seat. “Don’t worry, Ehra.” He said. “I’ll carry it for you.”

It was only a week before summer and yet it’s already been too hot to even go outside. At the start of my junior year, I decided that I will be definitely be having the most life-changing summer of my life. I will finally get a job at the Love Shack, work part-time for my parents and have the most money earning summer in my whole years of existence.

“Seriously,” I said, taking a sip of Leo’s freshly squeezed orange juice after. “Don’t you realize that I might get a heat stroke if I even dare go out?”

Leo looked at me pensively and decided to read my head. “Well,” He said, moving his head from the screen to me. “I’m feeling lazy to and I’m not complaining.” Uh, oh. “And, I mean, we’re going to college soon and have to stop being kids.” Now, his voice must be a pitch higher. “Can’t we at least have some fun, Ehra?!” He said forcefully.

Leo easily makes me feel guilty during the most annoying of times. I mean, yes, his last statement was true. We are best friends, and no, I’m not denying.

Leo was a musician. He’d play all night long and bring his guitar everywhere. You’d think that he’d be either a jock or a star player with his built. When I was young, he even wrote me a song for my 13th birthday. Leo walked up to me at my party and handed me a small paper bag that contained a small CD. I was disappointed at first but then when I popped the CD in my player, my thoughts have changed.

I guess you could all say that this was when my little infatuation began. His voice from the song wasn’t perfect, but then there was a feel to it that became true and honest. Like I really wanted to believe in everything that he had just sung.

It’s been 4 years now and I have completely forgotten all that was inside the old CD. Sometimes, it just comes running into my head like a broken violin string and then I forget all that I’ve just remembered. But then again, I know that one day, it will come back and I’ll eventually find it.

“Fine,” I said, sliding my feet in my shoes. “Let’s go.”

***

When I came home last night, I did my best to search for the CD or at least the remains of it. I searched in and out of my cupboards, drawers and even my own storage closet that I haven’t touched in ages. Each second, I felt that I was losing all the confidence to finding the CD that I’ve long to hear once more.

But I got no such luck.

So, here I am now hearing some couple sending mixed signals (also known as flirting) with each other at the corner of the library. I got rather curious and thought that this was just a prank by some of the seniors so I decided to peep through a small gap of books on the bookshelf and there it was.

WAS THAT JUST LEO AND NANCY S.?!

I can’t believe it! Nancy just slipped her hand inside Leo’s shirt. I’m not sure but I can definitely sense it from the way she sounds. Live and no holds barred. I can’t believe I’m actually seeing a live peepshow in front of my eyes. Well, good timing because nobody actually stays inside the library during dismissal.

So, yes, he does have a girlfriend. Which equates to poor Ehra. I mean, I know that that is literally out of bounds for me. I mean, it’s a universal rule that girls and guys don’t mix. The only time they do is when they get together and create an impenetrable force. Then once they are, you are not supposed to get in, unless you want to be called a slut and have your name on all the bathroom cubicles.

And then a moaning sound.

Disgusting.

Sure, I have to admit that Nancy is hot. She’s a cheerleader for Pete’s sake. But of course I have some sense of pride that – though I know it’s awkward to say this – but I’m hotter. I don’t have the huge breasts or anything but I do have one thing that she doesn’t. And it’s something that I’m very proud to have.

It’s Leo’s trust and friendship. But then again, I’m not exactly sure.

So let’s just go with that.

Back to the action. Nancy – the slut – is practically now heading overdrive on my Leo. She’s practically shoving her face down my poor boy and he looks like he can’t even keep himself up on balance.

But then, in a second, just when I thought that he didn’t like it, he pinned her to the wall and started kissing her from the lips down to her neck. Leo looked forceful and hard – too aggressive. But Nancy likes it anyway from the way she looked. Then he tore off Nancy’s shirt.

They went all at it still.

I accidentally threw myself back, almost out of balance. I can’t believe that Leo had the guts to do those things. I knew that he was a bit of a feisty boy. But I never realized that this was how he grew. And we ARE best friends, and I didn’t even know anything about it.

I couldn’t take it anymore so I shoved all my books inside my backpack and rushed out of the library as fast as I can.

***

“Ehra!” My Mom knocked on the door vigorously, like she thought that I was listening to some metal music on my earphones with the volume on high. “Aren’t you hungry?” She asked again, this time more concerned.

Don’t worry, Mom. I’m not planning on killing myself.

I tore-up the pages of my diary that I wrote about what happened awhile ago, threw them in the trash can and tried to forget all about it. “No,” I said out loudly as a comeback. “I already ate at Leo’s!” This was always the perfect lie and excuse.

Took out the trash? Leo did it for me yesterday.

Did my homework? Leo and I answered it awhile ago.

See some peepshow live? Leo got it covered.

“Okay, then!” My Mom replied back with her usual chipper and lively voice. “Just come down and eat whenever you want.”

Why would Leo do those things?

He’s never said anything about her before, so why should I even believe?

Was it all just a hook-up?

What is it? What is it? What is it?

I have to know!

CRASH!

Whoops! I accidentally tripped over my computer’s wires and pushed my plastic gift box from my study table. That was really stupid. I should’ve worn slippers instead rather than having my CPU all pulled down and fall from the table. So idiotic!

I pushed back all the loose wires on my computer then taped all the wires together so that they wouldn’t have to go loose again. Then I started picking up all the contents of my gift box, each gift was a small trinket that I’ve decided to keep all throughout the years.

And then a huge CD piece popped up. I thought about it at first but then continued to pick up the last gifts, only to find even more of the CD’s pieces scattered around. The pieces weren’t all that small. They were medium sized which were enough for me to remember that this was the CD Leo gave me all those years ago.

Written in bold hardly legible letters were the following:

Hey, Ehra!
Happy 13th birthday!
From, Leo

The CD was broken into pieces. No, not only that it was completely broken, it was now a useless and pathetic broken CD. All of its content can’t be brought back even if I glued them back with the most precise application. I put in all the pieces into a small envelope and hid it inside my pants’ pocket.

I thought about Leo.

His life was pacing faster than mine. He had a girlfriend – I think – and was working his way towards being a great musician. This CD was the proof of it. At such a young age, you wouldn’t think that anyone like him would be able to write a song as what he did.

But he did.

As for me, I can barely even comprehend anything outside of my head. Everything was really hard. So I always had to study so that I could at least pass a test. I wasn’t like the many other perfect girls who had all the guys looming after them. I wasn’t born with both the boobs and the brains. I barely have any of those.

And now that Leo’s gone – as I’m completely assuming he is, now that he has a girlfriend and all – I’ve got nothing.

There was no such thing as a female best friend for guys. Those sissies were either really unsociable or were gay. And believe me, Leo would have to be the opposite of those two really ill statements. I’m pretty sure that I’ll be hearing these words soon: “Sorry, Ehra. We can’t hang out like we used to anymore. But maybe we can still talk and see each other.” Or “Ehra, you suck, go die in hell. I regret all the times I’ve spent with you.” Or maybe “Ehra, you have no body and look like a man pretending to be a girl. You have no boobs and will probably not get married ever.”

So comforting.

***

That night, Leo called.

You would all probably thin ‘Woah! What a sweetheart!’ But, no. He calls every now and then. It’s not something special.

“Hey, Ehra.” He said, his voice sounded quiet and meek. Quite different from what I was expecting. Well, I was thinking of at least a ‘ZOMG. EHRA!’ kind-of thing but we all have to be disappointed. “Have you ever been kissed?” He asked suddenly.

WHAT.

THE.

HELL.

Then, again. “Uh…” I thought of the proper words to say. Well, well, well. “No. Freaking. Way.” But seriously, I’d like to ask the same question. “Not a single guy would ever want me. Have you?” I said as I typed Geez. Like I don’t know. on my computer screen. “I mean, we haven’t really talked so much recently so I could’ve missed that.” STRAIGHTFORWARD is good for interrogation.

He chuckled a bit.

“No,” He said. “Haven’t got my lips ‘devirginalized’ either.”

You little devil!

“Oh,” I tried to sound more like I couldn’t have possibly cared less. I think I failed because it sounded a little short and fake. Nahwell. “Well, that makes the both of us.” I tried to sound okay. It just doesn’t feel right if I do tell him what I saw and that’s practically the thing that would hurt the most if he says something to hurt me.

I really, really did love Leo. Okay, there I said it. It’s actually good to finally let it all out and stuff. But I really do have to admit that I wasn’t jealous that they were both slobbering each other. I really did believe that Leo wouldn’t do those things. They were very out of character but at the same time, I knew that when we were growing up, things have changed. Of course, by now, we have learned the limitations and effects of privacy.

“Ehra?” His voice solemn. “Will you have sex with me?”

We can’t just ask things like we used to anymore.

“Ehra? Ehra? Are you there?” His voice sounded like he was weirded out. “Ehra?” He asked again. It really must’ve felt odd for him because usually whenever we talk on the phone, I’m always the one blabbing.

I coughed, suddenly taking it all out. “Sorry, Leo.” I tried to sound sick. “I haven’t been exactly feeling well lately.” What an excuse.

I felt Leo pause for awhile. “You better rest then.” He said.

“Yeah,” I tried. “I guess I will.”

“Good night,"

I didn’t bother to reply back.

And just shut the phone immediately after.

***

There were only 3 days before school ended and I tried (or should I say forced?) to keep myself optimistic. I thought about my sister and I’s vacation to Maine and finally take a new outlook on things. I decided that this summer, I will finally find myself. I will also take a breath, slow down and think about my future once and for all.

I sat on one of the benches scattered across our school. I touched the broken CD’s parts from outside the envelope and remembered the days when Leo was mine alone. He would sing to me all his compositions even from the weirdest topics like what cereal tasted like to friendship and love. The song he composed for me was about friendship.

That much I can remember at the very least.

I picked up a newspaper and in front of the paper was news about some rumors going around that Leo had assaulted at least 4 girls in school. That he was also some macho who dated women all over. With this, I felt afraid.

I was shocked and appalled.

“Ehra!” I looked back and saw Leo rushing towards me, waving his hands and looking tired. “Ehra!” He called out again.

I should’ve just run away.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, handing over some leftover juice I just got from the cafeteria. I have to look natural. “You seem tired.” I was shaking.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” He panted and took the juice, practically drinking every single drop. “I was looking for you everywhere since last week!” He yelled and threw the box at the trash bin without looking. “Where the hell have you been?” Oh, so he’s angry at me for not being there.

“I don’t know.” I said blankly. “I guess I haven’t really been seeing you either.”

“Is something wrong?” Leo sat beside me. “You look a little pale.” He said, putting his hand over mouth and gripped on it tightly, and then I felt a sudden strangling on my neck.

I stood up and backed away. “Leo,” I said. “Don’t!” I took my stuff from the table and walked away, or even stridden. I wasn’t entirely sure anymore. I just kept walking and walking until I felt a strong grip from my hand.

“What’s the matter with you?” Leo gripped tighter. “Ehra? Are you listening to me?” I looked at him with shocked eyes and he let go, backed away.

“No,” I said. “Nothing.” I started walking away. “Don’t mind me.”

“Ehra!” He called out and I stooped from my tracks, and then looked back. “FUCK YOU!” He strongly said.

Well, you too.

I threw the old CD pieces I collected from his birthday gift and ran away.

I have no regrets.

***

The days flew by faster and I stopped seeing Leo. I saw him one time during recess but before I could tell him that I was sorry, or even approach him for that matter, he entered the library. Whether or not he was going to see Nancy Slut again was undetermined because by now, I’ve already gotten sick with the whole idea that Leo and I would eventually get together.

In the last few days, I heard that he gained a year in detention and a demerit for physical abuses towards other people in school. I didn’t bother to ask the other victims about their experiences with him. It was already enough that I know who they are and see them struggling to forget just like me. The other details, I have forced to have forgotten. But the main essence will continue to stay with me, maybe until the day I graduate or even grow-up.
And by now, I know that one day, I will be having someone else who’ll truly love and care for me.

“Ehra!” My mother called from behind my door, in her usual high-pitched voice. “You have a visitor!”

I never had a visitor before, at least not in the recent years. This bare thought excited me so and I quickly rushed outside the door in barefoot. I fixed my hair for a moment before opening the door. I wore the nearest pair of slippers and turned the knob on the door.
It wasn’t Leo, though I was expecting it was.

“Hey, Ehra.” A guy my age said commonly, like he knew me. “Well, you’ve surely grown up.”
A guy with startling blue eyes and hair that flew everywhere surprised me. I surely haven’t met this person before.

“Excuse me?” I asked. “I’ve never met you before.”

“Oh, pardon.” He stopped. “I’m Colin. Remember?” Colin tried to spark a memory inside my head. “Colin Harkins from down the block,”

“Colin?” I sounded surprised. “Wha-what are you doing here?” I went forward and closed the door back.

Colin Harkins was one of my childhood friends until he moved to Georgia with his family. And now, he’s back here in Harpertowne again. I knew him before I ever even knew who Leo was – actually, who is he again? – and he was originally my best guy friend ever.
Boy, did I miss him or what.

“Well,” He said. “My parents aren’t getting younger, I suppose.” Colin chuckled. “They miss the place and decided to get a lot back here.”

Wow. Colin looked incredibly different now. He was far different from the boy who played tag and jumped on mud puddles with me. He has completely grown taller and even grew some muscle. Seriously. He was gorgeous. This is the guy who I haven’t met in at least a decade. I’ve missed him, I really, really do. But I wasn’t sure if a hug would be appropriate at the moment.

“That’s great.” I said, the feelings were all returning back to me again. “I really do miss you, Col.”

Colin walked even closer. “Well, can’t say that I didn’t either.” He looked at me with his vivid blue eyes and inched even closer. “I’m really glad to have my bestfriend back.” Colin kissed me on the forehead.

“No one else could ever replace you, Ehra.” He whispered as he transferred his lips from my forehead slowly down to my lips. “Some things will never change.”

And I closed my eyes. I felt a certain cold breeze that rushed towards us, against us, and it didn’t even matter. All I knew was that I have missed Colin like a heartbeat, and I don’t want to let go. In a way, he felt different. But I knew that that was him.

Both soul and skin.

***

The summer ended fruitfully.

I spent days just hanging out with Colin and his twin sister, Mara. Mr. and Mrs. Harkins looked older but their beautiful smiles never faded even throughout the years. In their first few days, I helped them get settled in by helping bring in boxes and dust out the halls. Before I knew it, the entire gap that their moving had made was gone.

Mara and I got closer. And I’ve made a new friend. We had sleepovers and she was completely supportive of my full-frontal crush on her brother. The three of us got jobs at the Love Shack and went to the local library during our spare time.

And before I knew it, summer was over.

“Hey, Ehra.” Colin said choppily as he gave me a quick kiss on the cheek. “I can’t eat with you and Mars right now but here,” He handed over a CD case to me. “This was made a hundred percent by me and my band.” Colin gave me another quick kiss. “Listen to it tonight for me, okay?” He said before saying his goodbyes. “I’ll see you ladies later.”

***

That night, after I’ve done my homework, I remembered the CD that Colin gave me earlier. I closed my eyes and remembered all about Leo. I took my old CD player from beneath my desk and popped the CD in.

The first track was an introduction from Colin.

“I heard that you liked some other guy before me and he was a musician dude. Well, I decided to give this a try and ended up being a vocalist of some band. I guess it must mean something, right? Anyway, you know what Plato said, “At a touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.” And thanks to your touch of love, I became a poet.

I hope you like this song, and lastly…”

He paused.

“I love you.”

As the music played, my heart raced. The lyrics became stuck in my heart like glue on paper. I felt that it was going to be permanent, never-ending and beautiful.

It was meant to be there.

And I couldn’t be happier about it. I continued listening to the song on repeat. It made my heart flutter and then settle at the most unexpected of times. I began to believe, and this time it wasn’t by choice.

It was perfect.