In My Dreams It's Me And You

Nathalie's POV

Over the next few days Brian basically did everything for me, refusing to let me get up for anything. He even carried me to the bathroom when I needed it, obviously waiting outside until I wanted to go back downstairs again. It was almost a shame when my ankle had healed enough to convince him to finally let me walk on it again, finding that over the time I had spent off it had finally allowed the pain that should have originally been there to arise. However I got bored being confined to one chair most of the time, so I hobbled around as best as I could.

“Nat, why don't you put on your swimming stuff and join us?” Brian called from the swimming pool I had put in during the time the guys went away to record. This was pretty much the first time it had been used since really we were away or we just stayed inside. “You must be baking in those clothes.”

“You still have that bikini I got you don't you Nat?”

Chloe was of course talking about the infamous black bikini that she had customised to read 'Fucking Synyster Gates; jealous?', but even though I knew exactly where it was I wasn't going to put it on, instead pulling the bottom of the hoodie I was wearing down. I had taken to wearing Brian's hoodies pretty much everyday, regardless of the weather was.

“I'm fine watching,” I replied with a smile, pushing myself onto my feet but taking care to shift most of my weight onto my left ankle. “Anyone up for a drink?” Before he could speak I then added, “Yes Jimmy, you can have a beer even though it has just gone midday.”

He fist-pumped the air before returning to the game of pool tag he was playing with the others. Val didn't join back in however, instead getting out of the water and walking over to my side, saying, “I'll help, since none of these lazy shits seems like they are going to offer.”

“I heard that,” Brian grumbled, stopping in mid-swim to turn back to us with his arms crossed. “If I was asked to help I would-”

“TAG!”

His head disappeared under the water as Chloe tackled him from behind and pushed him under, cackling as she swam to the furthest possible point she could away from him. She high-fived Zacky along the way who- just like the others- found himself unable not to laugh. Not being one to ignore revenge however Brian left the pool, walking around the outside until he took a few steps back and dived in, taking Zacky as his victim under the water.

“Boys,” Val muttered as she shook her head. “Come on, let's go get drinks.”

–

She sat at the bar as I pulled beers from the fridge and put them on the side, popping one for herself just as I poured myself a glass of orange juice instead. Her eyebrow rose as she saw this, glancing back at the closed back door before turning back.

“When are you due?”

I almost dropped the orange carton as she said this, only just managing to put it on the side as I looked at her. “What do you mean?”

She rolled her eyes. “Come on Nat. I know. Explains the emotional mood swings on tour, why you haven't been drinking even though you could rival Jimmy in terms of how much alcohol you could pack away and why I have only seen you in Brian's hoodies lately. There is no point trying to deny it from me.”

“I don’t know what you are on about,” I replied, taking a few sips of my drink.

“Nat.” She didn’t look impressed. “I won’t leave until you tell me.”

“I really don’t know what you are on about.” Even though I said this she stuck to her word and just defiantly stared at me until I sighed. “You won't tell anyone will you?” I slowly pulled the edge of the hoodie up, revealing the small bump my stomach had become. Luckily until now I hadn't been showing, which made it a lot easier to hide. “I went to the hospital just in case something was wrong because I wasn't showing, but they just said some people never do get much of a bump. I guess my kid wants to help me out already.”

“So when are you due?” Val repeated, the surprise not from the fact I had showed her my bump, but what I said next.

“A month, maybe two.” My gaze fell to my stomach as I held it protectively, a smile forming. “She's going to be beautiful Val, I know it.”

“She?” She echoed my smile, walking over to me with her hand outstretched. “May I?”

I nodded and she placed her hand on my stomach, her smile growing as she looked up at me in excitement. “I felt her kick! Have you decided on a name?”

“She'll be named Rachel McKenna Haner-Taylor.”

“Bit of a mouthful, isn't it? Well, it's yours and Brian's choice.”

When I pulled away from her hand she looked at me oddly, seeing how my smile had instantly disappeared at the mention of Brian's name, the hoodie falling to once again cover my stomach.

“It is his, right?”

If she had asked this question when we were on tour I wouldn’t have been able to answer; it was only later that I really thought about it that I realised it had to be him, on the one night he had snuck away from recording. Jake- well, he happened about a month too late.

“Yes, it is.”

“He doesn't know, does he?”

“I can't bring a kid up here Val.” I reached for the orange carton and replaced it in the fridge, leaning heavily on the door as it slid shut. “The touring, the hectic schedules- it's no place to raise my little girl.”

“But we're not on tour now-”

“It won't be long until the next one, you know that Val,” I said with a sigh, my eyes creeping over to steal a glance at Brian in the pool through the glass. “They all think I got rid of it. I nearly did as well- but when I stood in front of the clinic I couldn't bring myself to walk through the doors. I couldn't have an abortion- I couldn’t bear to go through with it.”

Someone choked in the room at my words, but it didn't come from Val.

Jimmy looked at me with shocked eyes. “What?!”

Almost instantly Val marched over and grabbed him, hauling him over to where I was standing, hissing, “You can't tell anyone, you got that?”

I had never seen him look so scared in his life, offering him a beer after he fearfully nodded to Val. He downed it in one and I soon pressed another into his hand, taking a softer tone as I repeated what I had said to Val to him. “I can't raise my daughter here Jimmy. I have to leave.”

“But what about Syn? You know he'll just go after you.”

“I know he will,” I murmured, pausing to take a small breath before I continued, “that's why I have to hurt him. Make him hate me so much he wouldn't want to find me.”

Both of them grew quiet, until Jimmy finally broke the silence. “What are you going to do?”

I sighed, clutching at my arms. “Just... just bring him to Deviatetonight. You can't act like you know what's happening, you got that? You... you'll have to hate me as well.”

“Nat, I can't let you run off on your own-” Val began, stopping as I cut her off.

“You have to. Please,” I pleaded, staring them both in the eyes. “I have to do this. I... it's not just about me any more.”

Jimmy and Val exchanged looks before grabbing me and pulling me into a hug, tears springing to my eyes from the gesture. “I'm going to miss you guys. This has been the best time of my life.”

They both smiled at me as I pulled away, Val gently wiping at my eyes so that it wouldn't look like I had been crying. “Hey, who said we are still not going to talk? You are going to have to keep me updated about little Rachel.”

“Me too.” We both turned to Jimmy with raised eyebrows. “What? I want to know too.”

“Don't worry; I'll keep the two of you in the loop. Now come on and let's get outside, otherwise everyone else is going to start to wonder what we're talking about.”

–

Between the three of us it wasn't hard for us to get the drinks out to everyone, all of us choosing to sit on the recliners outside in the sun as we drank. Throughout this time Jimmy and Val kept glancing at Brian and me, his arm loosely wrapped around me as we shared the same seat.

“So what's the plan for tonight?” Zacky asked, sharing his seat with his girlfriend much like Brian was with me. “Anyone got any ideas?”

“Why don't we go to Deviate?” Jimmy piped up, all eyes except mine and Val's turning to look at him.

Chloe was the one who answered. “I wonder what the reason behind this is. Can't wait to see Leana again?”

His gaze dropped and he murmured, “No I just thought it would be nice to go there...”

I couldn't help but feel guilty as he became victim to many jokes about him and Leana, knowing that he only said it because I asked them to bring Brian there earlier.

“Well I'm up to it,” Brian said, making my heart sink as it dawned on me what I would have to do. He looked down at me with a smile, adding, “Are you coming?”

I nodded slowly, turning my face into his chest as I felt my eyes water. “I love you Brian.”

“Hey, what’s with the sad act? We don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

“No, I do want to go,” I mumbled, burying my face further. “I just wanted you to know, that’s all.”

“You are a weird one Nat,” he chuckled. He gently rubbed my back, the dread creeping into my heart as he added “But no one can ever make me love someone like I love you. I just wanted you to know that.”