Razorblade Romance

September 3rd, 1983

"But I don't wanna go!" my seven year old self screamed, tears falling down her face, "I hate school... Minä vihata se!!!"

"Aliissa," my father bent down and strocked my hair, "You have to. You want to become smart like Annikki right?"

Annikki was my father's girlfriend, who was just like a mother to me. She worked as a secretary and had an answer to any question I asked, no matter how childish.

I nodded, sniffling and he hugged me, "I'll go Papa. But I'm scared."

"Why are you scared? You're going to meet a lot of new boys and girls your age an have a lo of fun."

"What if they don't like me?"

"Pötyä sweetheart, all nonsense..." he kissed the top of my head and I hugged him, "See that little boy over there?" I looked over and saw a boy my age. He had thick dirty blond curls, kinda thin, and was wearing a black dress shirt and jeans. He smiled at his two parents and took their hands, then they walked through the gates to the school, "He's being brave, why don't you be like him?" I glanced over at a little girl not too far away who was crying and clinging on to her mother's legs for life, then wipped away my tears, squeezing Papa's hand.

Our teacher made us sit in a circle so we could know each other better. I had aleady made friends with this girl called Helmi, who lived a few streets away from me, but that was all. All the kids introduced themselves, and told us something about them, like their favorite TV show or color. Soon it was the boy who papa showed me, and he smiled at me when the teacher told him that it was his turn.

"Hi, my name is Ville Valo... I have a baby brother and a dog. His name is Sami and he's my best friend. My favorite color is green and I love music."

"Thank you Ville, now your turn sweetheart."

A few minutes later, it was my turn.

"Um... My name is Aliissa Mättö... I live with my dad... My favorite animals are wolves and I don't know my mother."

As I said those words, several kids laughed, including Ville, and tears formed in my eyes.

Why are they laughing? I'm just like any of you, just a normal seven year old, please stop laughing...

Miss. Pottala saw me with my head down, crying silently, and walked over to me, whispering comforting words.

"Class," she said sternly, "Just because Aliissa doesn't know her mother doesn't mean that she's any different than you. VILLE! MIKKO!" I looked up and saw Ville and Mikko smirking, but their expressions changed when Miss. Pottala gave them stern looks, "Aliissa isn't any different than you, and I expect you to treat her just like you would treat any other child your age."

But as soon as she turned her back, they both pointed at me and mouthed häviäjä...

Papa came into my room and sat down on my bed, "Honey... Your teacher called and told me that some kids made fun of you because you don't know your mother... Tämä on totta?"

"Yes... Ville ja Mikko... They called me loser."

"Sweetheart, you are not a loser. You will always be the center of my world and I will love you forever, even if you don't have a mother," he hugged me, "If anyone ever bothers you about not knowing your mother, tell me immediantly, okay?"

"Yes Papa."

"And remember if there's something you don't want to tell me, Annikki is there for you."

Ville and Mikko still bothered me, but no one ever knew*not adults anyways*. They stole my food, grabbed my pens away from me when I was using them and constantly made fun of me. I eventually learned to suck it up, but on bad days I'd fall asleep crying and sometimes brought the razor to my wrists or places where my cuts weren't noticable.

I don't know if fate hated me or what, but somehow I'd always end up in the same class as them. In middle school, we had all chosen English since we knew how to speak a little from watching TV, and got when we had a group project to do, I got stuck with them.

January 31st, 1989:

I groaned as my English teacher called out my name, Valo's and Paananen's. Stuck together for a one month long group project on the American governement.... GREAT.

I pulled up my chair to their tables, seeing as they were looking at me expectantly.

"Okay, I want to get a few things straight with you guys. Everyone does the same amount of work, don't dump everything everything on one person. And you better not act like mother fucking bastards or I'm leaving the group."

Mikko leaned back on his chair with a smirk, "You sound like you mean business Mättö."

"I fucking mean it Paananen."

He and Ville shared a look, smirking.

"She's hot when she's mad," Ville said, and they both laughed.

I grabbed a pencil from his pencil case and snapped it in half, then threw it at them. They immediantly stopped laughing and knew I meant business, but I saw them smirk out of the corner of my eye when I 'wasn't looking'.

I cornered the guys at the end of the day, and told them to meet me in the library to get started on our project. When we started talking, I was seriously surprised. I had no idea that they knew so much about the government. In fact, they knew more than me, and they laughed at my shocked look. But it wasn't in a mean way... More like as if they were laughing at a close friend who did something funny and stupid.

About a week and a half in the project, they got me after math and asked me if Helmi and I wanted to eat lunch with them. It was quite a surprise, but we accepted. At first it was a bit awkward, because we didn't really know them or their friends, but once they started talking music, we found out that we had a bunch of favorite bands in common and that we played an instrument. I actually started to like them, and because of that, we got one of the highest grades in the class.

June 17th, 1997: 21 years old.

"Ville," I murmured into the phone, "Kaipaan sinua niin paljon..."

"Kaipaan sinua liian Aliissa," his deep, warm voice sent shivers down my spine and I clutched the phone tighter, as if it were going to bring me closer to him. I missed everything about him. His voice, the way he acted after he had some kind of alcohol, how he could make me feel good about myself no matter what, his laugh... Everything.

"When are you coming back tomorrow?"

"At noon," he took a deep breath and sighed, "Listen... I was wondering..."

"Yes?"

"Would you like it if I took you out for dinner tomorrow? I would pick you up at seven..."

"Oh Ville... That's really sweet," I smiled, "I would love to go. Thank you for asking, see you tomorrow. Love you Ville."

"Love you too Aliissa."

I paced around nervous in my front room, dressed in a short, but fancy, black dress, with heels and a little makeup. What if Ville didn't come? What if he did come but I embarassed myself? What if-?

The clock struck seven just as the doorbell rang. I let out a squeal, then went as fast as I could to open the door. I gasped as I took in Ville's appearance, almost fainting right at the spot. He was wearing a black suit with a white shirt, and his usual cigarette was gone.

"Good evening beautiful," he said, taking my hand and kissing it, then handed me a bouquet of beautiful lillies and roses, "For the lady."

"Oh Ville! They're so pretty!"

"I knew you would like them," he smiled.

"I'll go put these in some water then I'll be ready to go."

I sipped the last of my wine, and studied the people around me. Ville had taken me to a really fancy resaurant, and I felt like scum sitting around next to women decked in priceless jewlery, and when I made that comment, he told me that I was the most beautiful lady in his eyes. He was in the bathoom, fixing his appearance probably, when suddendly I felt as though someone was looking at me. I glanced down, and saw Ville down on one knee. He shot me his amazing smile and pulled out a medium sized velvet box out from his coat, the opened it, revealing the most amazing necklace I had ever seen in my life.

"Aliissa Kati Mättö, will you be my girlfriend?"

"Oh Ville... Haluaisin...Kyllä, kyllä!!"

He got up, pulling me up with him, and wrapped his arms lightly around my waist, the kissed my lips softly... My first real kiss.

To this day*2007*, even though wa have fought many times, we're a couple. I work as a photographer, so I go on tour with the band a lot, and work as a part time model, earning enough to have a small flat in Helsinki.