My Number One Fan

“Are you for real?” Jeff asked, his voice raising in volume slightly. I quieted him down, reminding him about Christian sleeping in the back of the house.
“I’m sorry Jeff, but that’s the way it is.” Grace replied.
“So, Shannon and Shane could probably test as well.” I said. He nodded.
“You have more prospective testers?” Dr. Grace asked.
“About 5 more.” I replied.
“We’ll make a day out of it than. I have a friend who’ll do this for you. He’s not available until this coming Monday though.”
“That’s fine,” Jeff and I both said. “The sooner the better.” I added.
“I understand.” she replied. “I’ll set it up and call you with times.”
“Thank you so much,” I said. We ended the call and went back to the group.
“Monday,” I said. “She’s calling with times, and Shane, Shannon, you two can get tested.”
“What about Jeff?” Shannon asked.
“My past bit me in the ass,” he muttered.
“His past drug addictions is preventing him from testing.” I said. Understanding crossed everyone’s faces.
“Don’t worry about it,” I told Jeff. “He’ll know you tried, that’ll be enough for him.”
“Keep you safe will prove myself to him.” he replied.
“Either way, I’m done this storyline. I want to be there for him.” I said.
“Why, he wasn’t there for you.” Shannon said.
“Not by choice. The fucking social worked messed my whole relationship up with that family. I want to regain it back, and feel like I have to be there.”
“You don’t have to be anywhere Ri,” Matt said.
“Will you just fucking listen to me for a moment?” I asked, getting frustrated. “Think about it. He’s my grandfather. I doesn’t matter how much time went by since I’ve seen him, he’s still my mother’s father, he’s still the reason I’m here right now. He lost a daughter, he had to bury a daughter. How many of you, unwillingly, I might add, has ever lost a child?” Jeff slowly raised his hand. “We all know about you Jeff, but can you describe to them what it’s like to lose a child.”
“No, the pain is too unbearable.” he said.
“Did you think properly for a while after it?” I asked him. He shook his head.
“Not one bit.” he said.
“They couldn’t stand seeing me because they kept seeing my mother.” I said. “They thought it would be best for my father to raise me, so they wouldn’t resent me. They didn’t abandon me, they wanted better for me. So don’t tell me where I have to be when it’s just something I want, I know what I want to do, and what I have to do. Get the fucking facts before you assume something. All you did was make asses of yourselves.” I walked toward the front door. “Jeff, if you follow, I’ll just run into the woods to where you can’t find me, and as for you all helping, forget it. If you still don’t believe me,” I pulled out my cell phone and tossed it to Matt. “Look under Grandpa Walter, you’ll get him directly.” I turned and stormed out of the house, making sure not to slam the door so I wouldn’t wake up Christian. I stormed down the driveway, walking up to the road. I knew I wasn’t going home, I didn’t want to go there. Since we live only a few miles from Shane, I walked to my father’s house. It took a while, but I made it. I didn’t bother knocking like I normally do, even though he’s told me repeatedly I didn’t have to. I just walked right in and collapsed on the couch beside him. He didn’t move, so I looked up and into his shocked, confused, and concerned gaze.
“When did you get back?” he asked, sitting me up along with himself.
“Not long ago,” I replied.
“What’s going on? Is Walter okay?” Dad asked. I shook my head.
“He’s dying Daddy,” I said.
“There’re more wrong than your letting on.” Dad said, turning around to face me.
“I remembered that night, I saw the spot.” I said.
“What spot?”
“The spot where mom died.” I said. He saw him freeze.
“You did?” he asked.
“They left the room exactly the way it was when she died.” I said, wiping my eyes.
“What did they say to you?”
“They explained things to me, about how they felt it would be better for me to live with you after mom died because whenever they saw me, they were reminded of her.”
“Oh, I understand that.” Dad said,
“So do I,” I said.
“Oh, did you hear Shane and Christy had their baby?” Dad asked suddenly. My sadness quickly changed to anger.
“Do not mention those assholes to me right now.” I said, sitting back again.
“What happened?” Dad asked.
“They kept assuming things and wouldn’t let me explain.” I said. “I told them I feel like I have to be there for grandpa, so I was going to quit after the storyline was over. They think I don’t have to be there, that I just want to be there and I’m mixing the two up. They have to realize it’s my grandfather. He lost my mother, he lost me, and now that I found him, I could very well lose him too.”
“Honey, you have to think of it from their perspective as well.” Dad said. “They’ve been around you the 23 years he wasn’t there. They’ve seen you get hurt over and over again because of them. They think you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.”
“I’m 32 years old Dad, I’ve known how to take care of myself since I was 7. They can’t keep treating me like I’m their little sister.”
“In a manner of speaking, you are their little sister, especially to Matt.” Dad said. “What would you do if Gunner or Chasey was in this situation?” he asked suddenly. “Would you just let them quit everything to go be with a family that gave them up when they needed that family the most? Or would you want to protect them from getting even more hurt by them?”
“I’d want to protect them,” I said. “But that’s different Dad.”
“Is it?” Dad asked, sitting back to look at me better. “Is it really that different?” I thought for a moment. It was true I’ve been hurt a lot by them, but would they really go as far as using my dying grandfather to hurt me more? I wouldn’t think they would, but I knew what Dad was saying was true. They were only trying to protect me, and it was something they did because it came naturally to them. They have known me since before we hit double digit ages.
“You’re right,” I said finally. “I need to talk to them now, but I can’t.”
“Why not?” Dad asked.
“They probably hate me.” I said.
“We’d never hate you Riley Michelle,” Jeff’s voice said from behind me. I turned to see him standing behind me, Matt, Shane and Shannon standing behind him.
“I’m sorry,” I said, jumping up and trying to hug all of them at once. “Forget everything I said before, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay Riley.” Jeff said. “And if you feel like you need to be with your family in Baltimore, there’s really nothing we can do to stop you.”
“Well, nothing short of locking her in a tower for the rest of her life.” Matt said.
“Try it and see what happens,” I said warningly to him. He just laughed at me.
“Will I be overdoing it if I say I’m sorry again?” I asked my friends and family.
“Probably yeah, but we don’t hear it that much from you because you never really have to say it, so we’ll forgive you for overdoing it just a little,” Shannon said.
“Do you want me to go with you to Baltimore again?” Jeff asked.
“You have to, so does Matt, Mandy and Jason. Remember we promised the next time we came over they would be there too?” I replied.
“Oh yeah, we did didn’t we. Plus the rest of them was supposed to be there.”
“Do you think they’ll care if Sara, Gunner, Chasey and I go up for a quick visit as well?” Dad asked suddenly. “I actually liked that family, and I didn’t believe they abandoned you for one second.” I looked up at Jeff, who smiled back down at me.
“Dad, almost every other question asked was about you.” I told him. “They liked you, and they didn’t get pissed off at you for leaving Mom pregnant either. I think they actually miss you.”
“Now that shocks the hell out of me.” Dad replied.
“Oh, so are we still on for Monday?” Matt asked me suddenly.
“Hell yeah,” I said.
“What’s going on Monday?” Sara asked, walking down the stairs. “And welcome back you two.” she said to Jeff and me.
“Thank you,” I said. “Monday, Matt, Shane, Shannon, Mandy, Julie and I are going to go in and see if our bone marrows match Grandpa Walter’s marrow.”
“For a transplant?” Dad asked. “He’s really that bad?”
“It’s not a transplant, it’s a transfusion,” I said. “He has cancer cells flowing through his blood stream that’s getting lodged in his heart, and a few of them get lodged in his veins so it’s causing blood clots. Martin and Alexandria told us the blood fusion could possibly clean his blood and make him healthy again. None of the family in Baltimore were matches for him, so I’m getting myself check to see if I am, and the others want to help as well.”
“Why isn’t Jeff?” Sara asked.
“Fucking past,” he muttered.
“The drug use,” Sara said, understanding right away. Jeff nodded, and I linked my arm with his.
“Jeff, just you wanting to help shows them a lot about you,” I said.
“I know, but I want to do more.” he muttered.
Then do more, you’ll just have to figure out what though.” I replied, moving my other hand up and down his arm. “Sit with him like we did before and bond with him if you have to. Get to know him.”
“Yeah, I guess.” he muttered.
“If it means anything, it means a helluva lot to me that you’re so passionate about doing something to help him.” I said gently. He smiled and looked down at me.
“That means way more than you think it does.” he said.
“I love you,” I said.
“So, Canadian tour coming up,” Shannon said suddenly. “We have to figure out what’s going on with that.”
“Yeah we do,” I said, turning to face him. “I have to give an exact date of when I’m leaving too.”
“You’re still leaving for good, really?” Dad asked. I nodded.
“It was planned months ago Dad. My last shot…” that’s when I remembered. “Shit my last shot wore off a month ago and I never got another one.” I pointed out. I looked up at Jeff, who had shock and realization on his face.
“Damn you did skip it didn’t you?” he asked, running his hand over his hair.
“It might be too soon, remember how my doctor told us that hormones will still be in my system, making it a slight chance for pregnancy.”
“Yeah, but honey, you know your body just as well as I do, and it’s very possible that the hormones dissolved completely.”
“Should I get myself checked out then?” I asked him.
“I would,” Sara said. “To be on the safe side.”
“This is so not what I need right now,” I sighed, sitting on the couch and rubbing my hands over my eyes. I felt someone sit next to me and knew it was Jeff.
“It’ll be fine,” he said, wrapping his arms around my shoulders. I let my head rest on his shoulder.
“I’ll have to tell Vince I can’t do anything physical right now,” I said.
“Don’t worry about McMahon,” Dad said.
“I’m going to finish out Canada then I’m leaving.” I said. “I’m going to call him and tell him I’m done after this.”
“With what’s going on, I’m behind you 100 percent.” Jeff said, rubbing his hand up and down my back.
“What are you going to do about the bone marrow?” Shane asked.
“I’m going to make sure I’m okay to get tested, and if I am, I’m still going with it. If I’m not, then I’ll just have to figure it out as I go.”
“Okay, well we leave for Canada tomorrow, we’ll call your doctor on the road and get an appointment before Monday, and we’ll go from there.” Jeff said. I nodded and sighed. This was going to be a long week.