Status: Haitus For Probably A Month--Sorry Guys!

Speechless.

The Secret Lies of Amelia & Candy.

Amelia stared at John for a long while without breathing, her eyes widened and an instinctual urge to protect Mickey over took her. John gazed at her with carefully calculated patient eyes; he liked to think that there was nothing left to surprise him about Amelia but he also knew this was a lie.
Amelia was filled to the brim with surprises. It wasn’t that she did it on purpose, it was that she was so filled with protectiveness and secrets that they overwhelmed her.

Finally Amelia moved, it was only the simple action of her throat rippling as she swallowed the lump in her throat but for some reason John took this as a good sign; a good sign as in she wouldn’t bolt.

“No,” she spoke finally in a gasp, as air filled her lungs painfully, her eyes brimmed with tears before her lungs contracted and her knees began to wobble, threatening to give way. She took a step away from John and refused to meet his gaze. “I mean, I don’t think so,” She began shakily, “I don’t know a fucking thing anymore.”

John watched as her hand went to the hollow of the inside of her elbow, her thumb digging in to old dangerous scars as though Amelia could still feel the needle in her veins. Her eyes were wide and locked on a spot on the floor, her thumb digging into the tracks along her arm as she began to shake.

“Mia,” John began taking a step forward. “Amelia.” But when her name elicited no response John reached out and grabbed her hand, forcing it away from the sensitive scarred skin of her elbow. Amelia jumped, her eyes still wide, locked with John, her eyes switching between confusion and recognition as her mind flickered between passed horrors and the present. “Mia,” He whispered, his warm hand cupping her pale cheek. “Come back to me.” For a long moment John though she was beyond help, locked away within the pain of her mind but then she blinked, her eyes cleared, and she stared at John, saw John.

“I need to sit down,” Mia mumbled before her knees buckled and John caught her in his arms, lowering safely to the ground, both of them noticing that John didn’t remove his arms from around her.

“Please talk to me,” John murmured softly, the back of his hand brushing against her bruised cheek. “Please let me in.”

Amelia stared at the wall opposite them for a long moment, her mind lost deep within situations John could never fathom. Her mind stirred up images of needles, drugs, fear, pain, blood. Then her mind jumped to fear of a different kind, pain unlike any other, and more blood then she had ever seen before, her own blood.

Amelia detached her emotions, her heart, began to speak so hollowly that it alarmed John. “I was pregnant when I ran away.” She stated matter-of-factly. A small voice in the corner of her mind found it nearly funny that that top secret truth had just been spoken so easily. “I was only about three weeks along at the time but I knew my parents would never let me keep the baby. The conditions of my pregnancy was irrelevant. My parents were so wrapped up in their own drama, so caught up in Matt and his…issues, that my own would just be a blemish the family couldn’t hide. I had thought of running away for some time when I discovered I was pregnant, being…with child, just sent my plan into action.”

John sat quietly beside her, engrossed in her story. A part of him knew that there were deeper reasons to Amelia’s runaway then neither she nor Matt had let on. Amelia was strong, sure her running away had shaped most of that but it had grown from somewhere else, a strength that Amelia had always processed. John knew it had been more than just family disputes that had sent her over the edge.

“As hard as it is to believe now, Candy was my best friend at one time—even before Metallica. We weren’t close because of our mutual likes or dislikes but from a mutual situation that only each other understood—we were both pregnant.” Her eyes darkened and her muscles tightened. “Candy and I went into labor within days of each other. It had done its job on both of us, the lack of medical attention and knowledge had made it extraordinarily difficult for both of us.”
Shock coursed through John’s vains as he realized that that very tunnel he had ventured into only days ago had been the same spot that Amelia had both nearly died in but also given birth in.

“Candy’s baby had nearly died. I’ve been through a lot of scary shit but there are few things scarier than delivering a baby with an umbilical cord wrapped around its neck and a shade of blue that no person should ever be. The baby girl lived, but complications followed and Candy struggled with it. When I gave birth I lost so much blood I was unconscious for six hours. It had gotten to the point where Cougar had taken me to the hospital.” Amelia’s eyes shimmered with tears. “The doctors informed me that I had given birth to a healthy baby girl but that from the complications of the labor they had removed my uterus. “ Amelia rushed on, afraid that John would offer some awkward comforting words of condolence. “Candy’s baby got progressively worst and so did I. Candy said she had gone to her sister who had taken in the little girl when it became to much for her.” Amelia looked away shame filling her to the brim.

“I believe the term the use is post partum depression.” Tears spilled from her eyes. “It’s the most terrible feeling in the world. To look down at this innocent little peace of you, who loves you in ways no other ever will, and to not even want to look at her. I was so ashamed of the way I felt, I loved my daughter but I couldn’t look at her, I didn’t want to be near her.” Amelia swallowed hard. “That was the first time I sought out Viper.” She whispered shamefully. “I remembered the feeling of the drugs, the numbing of it, and I craved it.” A sob tore through Amelia’s chest, but even John’s arm around her couldn’t bring her comfort and the idea of comfort for the sins she had committed made her sick. She shrugged John off before daring to continue. “I OD’d when no one was around, and She was taking her nap. Cougar found me. I have never to this day seen him so furious at anyone as he was at me.” Tears cascaded down Amelia’s cheeks. “I knew in my heart I could never care for Her. I needed to get out of this dark place her birth had put me in.”

Amelia gazed up at the ceiling as though to pray for forgiveness from the sins she was confessing to.

“I-I went to Candy and asked her to take Her away.” At this point Amelia was talking to herself, John was not beside her and she was not sitting in the middle of a hospital hallway. There was no one around, no one anywhere, that could bring Amelia comfort from this. “At the time I thought I was doing the right thing for Her, I knew I wasn’t enough and I knew She deserved better.” Amelia paused and suddenly her tears ceased as numbness took over her. “Candy took Her away…she said she had found a good family for Her. I took comfort in what I assume now was the first of Candy’s tangled web of lies. I dug myself out of my depression and tried to atone for the hole in my heart and the daughter I had abandoned. Candy returned about a month and a half later with her little girl. She said that while her sister had worked for DIFUS, her sister refused to care for the baby any longer unless Candy allowed her to adopt the child to which she refused. I tried to do right by Mickey to make up for the wrong I had done to my own daughter.”

The silence that followed made John feel as though Amelia had said something profound and he was now suppose to sit there and digest the profound statement, but John was lost. He was a guy who needed things spelled out for him.

“I’m not sure I’m following you,” He confessed.

“I think,” Amelia stated in a low murmur, as though her next words would get her locked up for the assumption. “I think that maybe Candy’s daughter died and she replaced her’s with mine.”
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So this is not spell checked or anything like that so i'm sure there are plenty of errors to go around but I figure since I hadn't updated this in over a month and I finally have time to whip out a chapter in an hour or less I should just post it while I can. I albeit it's short but I figure it is better than nothing at this point.

Without playing favorites I've neglected all my stories. This is the first I've written anything in nearly a month do to the fact that I am currently working two jobs seven days a week it has left little time for anything other than sleep in my spear time. I'm in the process of quitting one of two said jobs so you can look forward to a longer chapter of Speechless within the next 2 weeks or so. I think I've lost my following at this point but if anyone is still bearing with me than I'm sending you a virtual homemade cookie for it.

Comments are love.