Speechless.

The world seemed to stop around Amelia and John. They were no longer standing in the middle of the chaotic Warped Tour, surrounded by heat stricken fans and booming stereos.

There was nothing.

There was only John.

There was only Amelia.

There was only Amelia and John and nothing else existed.

Tears were pouring down Amelia’s cheeks, her chest heaving with sobs as she gazed at John who could only blink at her in silence. His face carefully devoid of all emotion as silence took him. He couldn’t move, he was paralyzed—with what he didn’t know. But he couldn’t got to Amelia, he couldn’t comfort her. He didn’t know how and even if he wanted to go to her he wasn’t sure his feet would lead him there.

“Say something.” She begged brokenly.

John tried to think of something to say. What was there to say? What did she expect him to say?

He felt like a fool. Matt had warned him about his sister, Lietty, who only moments before, had cautioned him to this.

“You’re selfish.” He wasn’t sure how the words had managed to slip through his lips when he hadn’t even considered saying them. It was like his mind had shut off and his mouth was speaking on its own accord. “Don’t talk to me.”

John spun on his heels and walked away, never looking back as Amelia hugged herself crying and alone beneath the tree.

He couldn’t take it anymore. As simple as that Amelia had discovered John’s breaking point—a point he wasn’t even sure he could reach with Amelia. But he had, he couldn’t deal with her anymore. He could no longer deal with the fact that every other word out of her mouth seemed to reveal a secret about her, ones in which made him think he never really knew her at all. In his heart John feared he never would, she would never allow him to truly know her.

He could deal with the idea of Cougar, the Tunnel People, Metallica, Mickey, Viper, and all the other calloused impossible people she brought into his life but John could not accept this one thing. Perhaps it was an irrational anger toward Amelia, it wasn’t as though she could change who Mickey’s father was even if she tried. In fact perhaps Logan being the father was the one rational, sensible, revelation yet somehow it was easier for John to stomach the bad. It was easier to except these things that happen to other people; stories of runaways, gangs, threats, lies. Yet having the paternity of Mickey be that of someone who had not been apart of the bad in Amelia’s life but the good, somehow settled badly in John’s stomach.

It hit too close to home. It was hitting his home. It wasn’t about a bunch of shunned runaways or terribly threatening gangs. It was no longer about people John had never heard of or would never see again.

It was Logan, Alex Gaskarth’s dead brother. It was the man who had somehow been able to comfort Amelia when no one else could. It was the man who in the somber quite John had heard more about than many. He’d heard of Logan, a slight recluse who kept more to himself then most but who had always been the most proud of his brother and his band. This was Logan Gaskarth. It was no longer about people John had never known but about people he considered brothers.

One might say it was a small world but John could only think about how Amelia was just a small piece of a greater fuck up. It wasn’t something that just involved Amelia and John anymore—it was so much more.

It was about Alex now. It was about Matt and the rest of all time low. It affected Warped Tour in a way only one other had.

Ideas of Lietty flashed a cross his mind and he swore out loud. This could not happen again. John didn’t think he’d be able to survive the reoccurring acts of déjà vu that would ultimately only make Lietty and Amelia one in the same. His experience with Lietty was something that a person could only experience once. Lietty had affected the tours in ways that Kevin would never allow to happen again. Kevin would not allow Amelia the same leniency he had granted Lietty in the years before.

Fewer and fewer things were separating Lietty and Amelia but there would always be one assured difference—John loved Amelia. He’d love her no matter what mistakes she made, no matter how much drama she inadvertently stirred. He loved her even if he couldn’t look at her right now.

John somehow found himself standing outside Hey Monday’s bus. He didn’t really wanting to speak to Cassadee, he just needed to be near a place of someone who knew of Amelia’s situation and yet was not quite as involved in the whole mess.

He ran his hands through his hair in frustration. This was just too much—it was all just too much.

The conversation with Amelia had drained John both emotionally and physically it seemed—his entire body ached to just curl up in a ball and sleep for days praying that he would wake up to a different reality.

He didn’t enter the bus which promised air conditioning and comfort instead he sat down on the concrete and pulled his skinny jean incased legs up to his chest and pressing his face in his knees he prayed for strength he did not possess.