Don't Remember Me

I played with my hair as I laid there with Daemyn on his bed. I felt so sick about it too, knowing he’d been put through that by his best friend. What could he possibly be feeling right now? I for one don’t understand emotions very well, but it had to be somewhere between anger and heartache.

I mean, he loved Hayden. He may be going out with me, but he loves Hayden. It’s okay with me though. As long as he’s happy, I’m happy. I don’t know if that’s a selfless thought or if I’m just dumb. Maybe a mix of both. Or maybe I really am an idiot. All I know is that I want to be there for Daemyn and cherish the time I have with him.

I poked his side lightly before saying, “I’ll g-go with you…” I was trying to keep myself from crying again so I bit down on my lip. We both knew that he needed to talk to Hayden. And to do that, he needed support.

A light smile played at his lips before he sat up and ran a hand through his hair. “I’d… like that…”

My heart jumped at that, happy that I could be of some assistance to him. I stood up and walked over to where he was standing and wrapped my arms around his figure. He was so skinny now that it was scary. I guess that’s what a week without eating gets you…

Pressing my face into his back I squeezed him tightly to me. If Hayden really did like him then I wouldn’t have a chance and this might be the last time I could actually hold him like this. I didn’t mean to, but I knew I was shaking.

I shut my eyes tight trying to remember everything about his body, memorizing it. It’s okay if it ends like this, right?

Yeah... I guess so; at least I got a few weeks with him which was more than I could’ve hoped for a while ago.

Someone, tell me to give up, please. I don’t want to be this scared.

Scared like how I was when I was led out of the house and into Daemyn’s car. Daemyn always drove slow, for me ever since that time he sped to school to mess around with me, which he apologized for later and tried to skip school so he could be with me in the nurse’s office.

When he stopped in front of Hayden’s house he put the car in park and then just sat there after turning the ignition off.

I felt my eyebrows crease as I looked over at him. “Are you o-okay…?”

He sighed and then nodded before opening his door and getting out. I followed suit and followed him up to the house.

He knocked on the door and we waited for who I thought to be Hayden’s mom to answer the door. The only thing she said was, “Hayden’s in his room.”

Daemyn kissed my cheek before heading up to Hayden’s room. We both knew I couldn’t follow him. It was bad enough for Hayden to just talk to Daemyn alone but to talk to both of us together would be terrible. So I waited in the living room absentmindedly kicking my feet back and forth while I sat in the chair.

I was prepared for anything that would happen. Especially Daemyn breaking up with me to be with Hayden. Suddenly the tears started welling up and I struggled against them.

“Here, Hun, you look like you could use this,” I suddenly looked up at Hayden’s mom standing in front of me with a box of cookies. She reminded me a lot of my own mother for some reason. But they looked nothing alike. I think it had something to do with their aura or something.

I sniffled a little and then wiped the forming tears from my eyes and gave a small smile that I was sure looked sad, heartbroken even.

She took a seat next to me and sat the tin of cookies between us. Reluctantly, I took one and nibbled at it.

It’s like all moms know exactly when a kid’s feeling terrible.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I bit at my lip nervously. “Um… D-does Hayden…” I swallowed because of the difficultly of bringing this painful subject up. “Does h-he like Daemyn…?”

Then I covered my mouth. Maybe she was one of those parents that didn’t like homosexuals. But she just sighed and gave a small nod.

“Oh…” I whispered.

Somehow I had made my voice nonchalant, but inside I felt like breaking. Like a wrench had been thrown into the gears of my body, making my heart stop along with it. It wasn’t a good feeling, obviously.

“He didn’t tell me but… a mother just knows these things,” she explained. I nodded numbly in efforts to keep up the façade that I was okay.

Was it selfish that I didn’t want Daemyn to look at anyone but me? Yeah… yeah, it pretty much is. As much as I want to monopolize Daemyn, I know I shouldn’t. I’m in no position to.

“I know cookies won’t fix anything, but they sure as hell make you feel a lot better,” she said, giving a small chuckle, making me smile a little in the process.

And then came I heard some kind of noise and Daemyn walked down the stairs, his eyes meeting mine. I could read his eyes at all so I didn’t know what he was thinking. Truthfully, that scared me.

But I already knew it was over as he walked over to me. I was prepared for the break-up speech. ‘I know we’ve been together for awhile and I said I liked you, but Hayden confessed his undying love for me now I’ve re-realized my feelings for him’. Or something like that.

But Daemyn wasn’t the type to be mean about it like that so I just prepared myself for what was to come because I knew it was over.