Running From Reality

After Justin left I asked if we could go get something to eat. He smiled. "What do you want?"
"Chinese." I mumbled. "Please."
"You got it." I reached my arms up and he pulled my into his grip. I wrapped my arms around his neck. He carefully handled my legs, so as not to jostle my ankle.

*****

He set down my bowl of chow mien and rice. I liked my lips, mixed it together, and dumped a smaller bowl of orange chicken on top. I snatched the chopsticks from Alex's waiting hand. I stabbed them into the bowl and shoved the giant bite into my mouth. "Mmm."
"Glad to see your still eating." He grinned.
"Shut up and pass an eggroll!"
He picked at his sushi.
"I dont understand how you can eat that." I commented, taking another big bite.
"Its good."
"Bleh."
"It takes time to get used t it."
"Well I'm not giving it the time." I picked up another big bite, dropping it into my mouth.
The sweet tastes filled my mouth and I licked the orange sauce from my lips, letting the senses take the taste and run with it. My sense of smell told me that the rice and chicken mixture smelled like oranges with rice, duh. Sense of taste explained carefully how smooth the noodles were, until impacted by the chicken, which exploded into an orange burst of sweetness in my mouth. Then my sense of touch kicked in, and my entire body began to ache. I groaned and Alex's eyes shot up to look at me.
"Whats wrong?"
"Nothing...just...sore." I shifted uncomfortably. "I-ow. Can we take this home?" He nodded and called the waiter.
Home. I had to smile at that. As he did. Home. With Alex.

*****

Nighttime fell and the part I had been both dreading and looking forward to all day arrived.
Dinner.
With Alex's parents.
I pushed the green bean around my plate. Abbi, Freddi's mom, had been trying forever to get me to eat them, but I still refused. Mushy greenness, yeah, not my thing. Raw broccoli is the only green food I'll eat.
"Andi, I think Alex or Winny should take you to the doctor tomorrow for your ankle. on us of course. And then Mark will take you to get more of your things from yours house tomorrow evening."
I nodded. "Thank you. For everything."
"YOu are very important to us Andi." Abbi smiled at me.
Alex leaned in towards me. "I love you. You are more important to me then anything." He breathed in my ear, squeezing my hand.
I turned slightly, smiling against his lips, kissing him softly. The family "aww"ed
Then a picture of the man I used to call father actually kissing me flashed in my head and I moved away from Alex so quickly that my chair toppled backwards. I let out a cry of pain.
"Andi!" ALex and Freddi exclaimed. Alex fell to my side.
I fought back tears to reassure them that I was okay. "I've got to go the the bathroom." I pulled myself up. Alex started to help me but I pulled away again. "I can do it." I insisted. I got into a standing position and limped to the bathroom. I locked the door and leaned against the countertop. I looked into the mirror and teats sprung to my eyes.
The girl in the mirror could not me me. She wasnt right. Her hair was pulled up in a messy ponytail, sloppy even. Her eyes were red and puffy, one was even blackened. She had cuts on her wrists, scars below them. Cuts and bruises covered her arms, legs, and neck.
I felt like that, but there was no way she was me. The me I should be dissolved into appearance next to the not me girl.
Her hair fell in dark waves along her shoulders, perfect. With straightened bangs sweeping across her face. Her green eyes sparkled, even in the crappy lighting. Her face literally glowed with happiness. Her arms were tight and clear of all marks of pain.
That was me.
Who was this other girl?
I grabbed a razor from my overnight toiletries bag, popped the blade out, and leaned against the sink again. Noticing again the differences in the two girls, I pressed the sharp metal against my arm, closer the crease of my arm and farther from my wrists, easier to hide. I pressed hard, making two crimson red X's on my forearm.
I winced slightly, but I was mostly used to it by now. I put band-aids on the cuts, then pulled my 3 quarter length sleeve down over them. I washed the counter, and the blade, and put it back it. I put the band-aid trash in my pocket, and then my hands were rinsed of the redness.
I looked at the girls again.
No difference.
Well.
Maybe I should try harder....