Running From Reality

A knock on the bathroom door startled me. “Andi? Can I come in?” Freddi asked, concern in her voice. I looked at the band-aids near the crease in my arm, and pulled my sleeve down as far as I could get it to go.

“Yeah, come on in,” I said, my voice soft. I was leaning with my back against the sink and my gaze cast downwards. “Oh Andi,” she said, knowing just by looking that I had cut. Soon, her arms were around me and my face was buried in her neck, quiet sobs escaping me. “Shh, Andi, shh. It’s okay, he can’t get you here. We won’t let him get to you ever again.”

After years of us being the closest friends imaginably, we’ve grown to almost read each other’s emotions, even if they’re hidden. At times, I resented that, but now, it’s where I find solace. It shows they care enough about me to know me that well.

“But he won’t leave me alone, ever! I’ll never be able to get him out of my head, Freddi, and I hate that! When I look into the mirror, I don’t see myself. I see a girl that’s too scared to do anything to save herself. A girl that is weak, and can’t get through a day without hurting herself more. I don’t want to be her, Freddi, and I don’t want him haunting me the rest of my life!”

“Andi, he’s a sick and twisted fuck, and he’s put you through so much hell. But you can’t let him get to you. You know that none of this happened because of you. It happened because he’s an ass. A sick and perverted ass. You know that. You have to know that,” Feddi pleaded.

I shrugged. I didn’t want to talk about it, not now. I just wanted to forget, if only for a few moments. I wanted my razor back in my hand, and it had only been a few minutes. Maybe when they feel asleep….

“Do you want to sleep in Alex’s room or mine? You’d be sharing a bed, so…” Her unsaid words hung in the air. If you’re gonna have flashbacks of your father if you sleep in Alex’s, you have to share with me.

“I think, for tonight at least, I’m going to share with you,” I said queitly. “Well, okay. But it’s late, so let’s get you into jammies and get to bed!”

Soon, I was wearing a pair of sweatpants that belonged to Alex a few years back and an oversized t-shirt of Freddi’s. I stopped at Alex’s room, wanting to say goodnight. A soft knock on the door, and he opened it.

“Hey,” he said softly, not moving closer to me. “Hey,” I said, my voice the same volume as his. “Can I hug you?” he asked. I nodded, and his strong arms wrapped themselves around me gently, pulling me towards Alex. “Andi, are you okay?” he asked, his head in my hair.

“No, but Alex, I’m sorry about before,” I started, but Alex shushed me. “It’s not your fault, Andi. It’s not uncommon for what you’ve gone through. I don’t want to cause you more pain than you’ve already been through, and if that means no more kisses and only the occasional hug, I’ll be fine. Now, I think you should get some sleep.”

The sincerity of his statement brought tears to my eyes. I squeezed him tightly. “Night Alex, I love you.”

“I love you too, Andi, I love you too.”