Running From Reality

I Wish You Were a Stranger I Could Disengage
Post Song;; Over My Head by The Fray

After Alexander had given me the note I jumped from the truck, leaving the note and my backpack on his floorboard, the door still swinging. And I ran.

My feet hit the ground at an amazing pace. Not slapping, but pounding against the forest floor as I burst between the trees, feet leaving that asphalt. And I ran

If my father was someone I didn’t know then it would be easy to disappear from him and leave the pain behind. Leave everything and everyone and just go.

Its all I could think about as my legs moved, the ground like an extension of who I was.

Running saved me. Running kept me here. But then again…running wasn’t everything I had. I had Alexander…and Freddy…didn’t I?

But sometimes I was afraid they’d get sick of my dramatic family life and leave me. Get sick of how I handled things, and run away.

The noise in my head was about to drive me insane. Not breaking my pace, I pulled my lime green iPod Nano from my back pocket and plugged my earphones in. I ran my finger in a circle and pressed play. The Fray. I turned it up.

I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a cue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be
It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind

The trees blurred past me as I ran. Losing myself in the story of my life as it played in my ears.

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard
Find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind

And as the song hit the bridge, I felt my feet give away and I fell to the forest floor.

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind

I screamed and screamed, face contorted in pain and anger. Depression sank into my bones and I shook. And as the last bars of the song echoed in my head repeatedly as it ended I fell onto the leaves in the forest, crying. I couldn’t think straight. The song had helped, until I had failed again.

Running was nearly all I had…and I had fallen.

And no one was there to catch me…

I stayed there, on the forest floor, for hours. Sobbing. My brain fogged up and undecipherable feelings pounding around inside of me, I dug my fingers into my skin until blood sprang up into sight. Somehow the sight of it made me feel better. As always.

As soon as I had seen enough pain and blood to make me feel oddly better, I could hear the song in my head. Waking Up in Vegas by Katy Perry. The upbeat song helped me get to my feet and walk. Slowly, back towards the road.

Remember what you told me…..