Look A Little Deeper

I let out a sigh slowly and opened my eyes. I was hoping that I wasn’t just waking up from a dream. I lifted my arm and grabbed Alexa’s arm that was wrapped around my waist. It wasn’t a dream she was really with me and I couldn’t help but smile and feel more relaxed. I turned to see her half-naked body still sound asleep. I didn’t want to get up due to the fact that I was still exhausted from last night but I thought I’d make some breakfast and clean up a little to make the place look less of a mess.

I slowly maneuvered my way out of her grasp and grabbed some clothes from my drawer. I tip-toed to the bathroom to brush my teeth and tried to do something with my hair. Instead, I ended up just ruffling it up a little and walking out. I looked to the floor and saw our clothes from last night on the ground. First thing I grabbed was Alex’s blood-stained shirt. Something must have went terribly wrong last night. Again, I tip-toed over to the hamper to dump it in there so that I can wash it later.

“Don’t bother just throw it out I don’t want it.” I jumped up and looked over to the bed. I walked over to her and sat next to her as she curled up into a ball. She looked like a scared little girl I’ve never seen her like this.

“Babe, whose blood is this?” I asked holding up the shirt. Her eyes began brimming with tears so I wrapped my arms around her. She buried her head in her knees and began crying softly. I let her cry as I stroked her back for awhile. She lifted her head up and wiped the tears away, grabbed her jeans and bra and put them on. I sat their and watched her do this as I waited for her to respond to my question. She sat on the edge of the bed and looked out the window.

“A very good friend of mines and my brothers got shot last night while he was talking to me. He didn’t make it, but we got the guy. After that we all split because the cops were coming. I ended up under a car and I passed out there. That’s how I got this cut too on my head…” she pointed to her head and winced when she realized she poked it too hard. She looked at me and I sat next to her and grabbed her hand.

“Anyway, when I woke up I noticed your text message and I ran straight to you because I was scared you were going to do something very stupid.” she said squeezing my hand tighter.

I looked away from her face. If she hadn’t shown up at my window I wouldn’t be here right now. “I can’t live knowing you’re…gone. I couldn’t stand not knowing if you’re okay or hurt or lying in a damn gutter for that matter.” I said starting to shake violently as tears started streaming down my face. The images of her hurt or worse passed through my head like a slideshow. She lifted my chin up and made me look at her beautiful face. It killed me though…

“Look, no matter what happens to me you have to continue living your life. I got lucky last night but there are going to be situations where I might not get so lucky. You can’t just give up on life cause of me you have others that love you dearly and would hurt so much if you gave up your life because of me. It’s not fair to them.”

“But it’s not fair to me that I have to deal with you being in a gang that is stupid enough to go to a bar that is in enemy ground! I can’t sit at home worried everyday because your out God knows where and there are people who are trying to kill you because that asshole OG of yours wants to be reckless!” I had let go of her hand and got up. My face was getting hot and I knew it was turning red. My heart was pounding in my chest and I leaned against my drawer to gain my composure.

I heard her get off the bed and wrap her arms around my waist. I looked at the mirror and I saw when she kissed my shoulder and leaned her head on me. “I know babe, I know. I’m so sorry I’m putting you through all of this. I’ll make you a promise if you promise me one thing…” she grabbed my arm and took hold of both of my wrists. I finally got the courage to look at her face and I was close to tears again.

“What?”

“I’ll get out for sure…by the end of this month I’ll get out.” she was serious but I wasn’t buying it…

“That’s impossible, you know that.”

“No it’s not impossible. But I’m going to have to do something you might not like.” she said biting her lip. My eyes widened and I was scared to ask what it was but I did anyway. “What is it babe?”

Her face got angry and I started to shake from the suspense building. “Lorenzo was in the club when the shoot out was going on. I walked in the middle of it so I ran into the bathroom and peeked through the door. While I was waiting I saw Lorenzo run out the club leaving all the guys there. I was going after him but they started shooting at me so I had to stay behind and so he got away…”

She was breathing harder now and I was confused. “So, he left you guys there while he got away? How does that get you out the gang?” she let go of me and slipped on her tank top. She went to my bathroom and I heard the sink running for a few minutes. She walked back out with her hair retied and her shoes on. “Where are you going?” I asked.

“I have to get rid of him, Mel. It’s the only way.” she said, her old self was coming out again. The one that I used to hate but always grabbed my attention. The scary, thug-like dike, reappeared right in front of my eyes. I stood there in shock trying to process what she just said through my head. “You…you have t-to what?” I stuttered.

She looked at me fiercely. “I have to kill him or get him out. He’s not going to get away with all that he has done. He’s a pussy that doesn’t know how to handle his shit. I’m going to show him what I’m made of now…” she gave me an evil grin that made me shiver. I was getting so scared I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.

“Sweetie, please calm down your scaring me…what if…he gets to you first or one of the guys tries to kill you?” I walked over to hug the girl in front of me that I couldn’t recognize because it wasn’t my Alex. It was a total stranger. I wanted my girl back…

“Mama, I’m going to be fine don’t worry. I’m going to talk to the guys first. This has to stop and it won’t unless I do it this way. I’m sorry.” she sighed and hugged me tightly. Her head was buried in my neck and we stood there in silence for awhile. I thought I could feel her heart pounding against her chest but I figured it was just mine.

Her arms loosened around me and her gaze went from my eyes to my lips. She kissed me wantonly and I was sure that it was my heart pounding like crazy now. I pulled her over to the bed and pushed her down. Things were getting heated pretty fast and I wanted nothing more than to continue but she pulled me off of her and sat up. She stood up trying to catch her breath and so did I only I had a confused look on my face.

“I didn’t tell you what you had to promise me yet.” she smirked and I groaned and threw myself back on the bed. “Que?” I asked still annoyed that we stopped. She threw herself next to me and shifted her weight on one shoulder facing me while I looked at the ceiling. I felt her gaze on me so I looked at her. “Promise me you won’t do anything stupid. If something happens, God forbid, then keep it moving. You have your life ahead of you I don’t want to be the reason you crash and burn.” she said, her eyes showed her apprehension which scared me. I looked back up to the ceiling and just didn’t respond till she grabbed my hand.

“I can’t promise that babe. I can’t even think about something bad happening cause I’ll just go crazy. I’ll try though…that’s all that I can promise you, hun.” I bit my lip stating my final concession. She let go of my hand and got up again, anger and disappointment was clear in her face. She walked over to the door, “please don’t go, I’m sorry! You have to understand me!”

“Look, I’m going to do everything I can to have a normal life with you, even if that means risking my life. Yet, you don’t even have the decency to let me know that you’ll be okay while I try to do this for us! Forget it then, I’ll hit you up whenever I feel like it.” she slammed the door and walked out the house, while I sat on the bed in shock.

Tears started streaming down my face and I felt like an idiot. I grabbed one of my pillows and tried to muffle my sobs in it. My little brother walked through the door. “Mel, what happened? Who slammed the door like that mami and papi are trying to sleep.” he stated jumping next to me. I tried pulling myself together to explain as best as I can to him.

“It was just a friend of mine. We got into a fight now and she just left because I hurt her feelings…” I couldn’t hold it anymore and my little brother’s sensitive side showed and he hugged me. “Aw don’t worry sis it’s gonna be okay. I’m sure she’ll get over it. Just call her up and apologize to her and buy her a cookie or something.” I laughed and shook my head. “Ah if only it were that simple, papa, but I hope you‘re right about her getting over it. Thank you though, you made me feel better.” he smiled at me and I gave him a kiss on the forehead.

He watched me as I cleaned my tears and said nothing till I was done. “So uhh…you want to make me breakfast since I helped you out and our parents are out cold from last night?” he did that infamous puppy dog look we in the family like to do and I got up and walked over to the kitchen. Even though I was trying to look strong, I was breaking down slowly on the inside. I just hope she didn’t do anything reckless…