Your Smile, Bert

After Gerard came back, Bob and I sat in my room watching re-runs of stuff on ABC Family. It was pretty funny actually, I told him to change the channel and he wouldn't. So, he either enjoys watching 8 Simple Rules or just doesn't feel comfortable changing the channel.

It eventually got late and Bob had to go home. His mom came and picked him up because, well, he rode the bus here.

I was slightly sad that he left. Not only because, well he's my boyfriend and I have the feeling of constant need to be around him, but I'm not really use to being alone. I couldn't stand sitting in my room, so I got up from lying on my bed, and went to Gerard's and Mikey's room.

Gerard was sitting up on his bed with the window cracked smoking.

"Hey!" I said, "What do you think your doing?"

"Having a cigarette." he replied.

"Well, put that out!" I exclaimed.

He rolled his eyes and continued smoking.

I groaned. "When everyone is laying in the hospital with lung cancer, they'll be saying 'I wish I would've listened to Laycie and put the cigarettes and the pot down then'." I left his doorway and made my way to the living room.

Mikey was still sitting in front of the television playing Final Fantasy 17372164 , for all I know.

"You should really spend your time doing something else." I told him.

"I usually do." he replied. "I usually read, play bass, or go to Alicia's. But, tonight I wanted to play Final Fantasy. Now, if you'll excuse me I've got to be Tidus."

I crossed my arms and sighed.

I left the room and went back to mine. I picked up my phone and thought about calling someone, anyone. But, everyone probably is still at the mall or just got back and wants some time to themselves...

So, I didn't.

Instead, I turned the TV back on. ABC was playing It for Halloween instead of some lame-ass movie. Okay, It is a lame-ass movie, because it scares the shit out of me and I don't want to watch it alone. So, I turned the TV back off.

Halloween is coming up soon. I need to check with that nursing home and see if they need any help with that haunted house. The have a really nice building they use for in the back. It's usually pretty awesome.

"Hey Lace." Gerard called from across the hall.

I rose from my bed and went across the hall. "Yeah."

"You ever check into Frank for me?" he asked.

"Haven't really gotten the chance. He got moved across the room from me for talking to much or some shit."

"Oh, well, damn." he said looking back out the window.

My phone started to ring. I dashed across the hall to get it. Laura.

I answered in a probably to perky voice. "Hello?"

"Hey." the voice of her brother came across the phone, "Did Bert ever get there?"

"Um, no." I said, "Who gave him a ride?"

"No one. He said he wanted to walk and wouldn't let me give him a ride."

"Is he fucked up?" I asked.

"No."

"Don't lie."

"Okay, yeah."

I sighed. "Well, I don't really know what I should do. I guess I'll get Gee to take me down that way and see if he happens to still be walking the streets..."

"Call me and let me know if you get him home or there or whatever safe."

"Okay."

He hung up. God damn it! It's already dark out there.

"Gerard," I said, "Bert left the mall and decided to walk here. Can we ride around there and see if we see him?"

"Yeah, let me get the keys."

I don't understand why Gerard doesn't just take mom's other car to school. He rides around in it anyway.

We informed Mikey in what we were doing and got into the car.

"Who called?" Gerard asked backing out of the drive-way.

"Quinn." I replied clutching onto my cell phone for dear life.

"You know Laycie, I think he might have gone to get fucked up to get over you."

"Get over me?" I said.

"Yeah, he's been in love with you for like ever. Are you that blind?"

"Me?" I asked. "There's no way."

"I can tell by the way he looks at you."

I looked at my feet. Everyone can't be wrong I guess. "Are you sure?"

"Not one hundred percent, but he really cares about you anyway and it might have hurt him that you just start dating someone without even talking to him at all about it." Gerard said.

"Well, he hasn't seemed like he's wanted to talk to me. He seems like he's been wanting to treat me like shit."

"He's jealous one way or the other."

I sighed. "Maybe you're right." I looked out the window, and if it wasn't Bert walking down the side of the road. "Gee, it's Bert. Pull over there."

He did and I got out of the car. "Bert!" I exclaimed.

He turned around and looked as if he didn't even know he was on Earth. "Laycie?"

"Yeah. Why didn't you take a ride from Quinn or someone?" I asked him.

He didn't reply.

"Come on, just get in the car."

He climbed into the back seat.

"You want to go home or with us?" Gerard asked.

"With you guys would probably be my best bet. When I went home last, it wasn't good." Bert said lying down in the back seat.

The rest of the car ride was silent.

Once we reached home, I told Bert to come with me to my room. I wanted to talk to him.

"Bert, why'd you go and do shit when I asked you not to?" I asked him.

He laughed a little. "Like you even give a fuck."

"I do give a fuck."

"Whatever, Laycie. You don't care about me at all."

There was no use in talking to him like this.

"You have no response to me. That must mean, you really don't care. I could drop dead right now and you wouldn't care at all."

"That's not true." I said.

"I could fucking kill myself and no one would miss me." he said.

"I would miss you."

"No, you would be to worried about getting fucked then about me."

I looked at him in shock. "Are you insane? I don't care about getting fucked! I care that your sitting here fucked up on God knows what, and I care about you and don't want you to do it again."

"Whatever you say."

"And the worst part is, your so fucked up that you don't even realize that I care about you. Your not even listening and I'm wasting my time!"

"So, now I'm a waste of time." he said.

"No!" I exclaimed. "I love you, your not a waste of time. But, if your gonna--"

"You don't love me, you don't care about me, you're just lying to me cause I have no one else and no where to go and you feel sorry for me!"

"That is not true! And don't fucking interrupt me when I'm trying to explain myself."

"Fuck you, I'll do whatever the hell I want!"

"I know you will!" I exclaimed, "because when I fucking ask you not to go doing stupid shit, I have to get you off the street because your to fucked up to walk home!"

"You didn't have to come and get me."

"I did because I care about you. Now shut the hell up I've got to call Quinn and tell him your okay." I selected Laura's number and the phone began ringing.

"Hello?" Laura asked.

"Hey, Laura, tell your brother that Bert's fine and here with me."

"Okay." Laura replied. "I'll talk to you later."

"Bye." I said before hanging up. "And since no one cares about you Bert, I guess Quinn doesn't care either. Especially when he calls just to find out if your safe or not."

"Yeah, well, whatever."

"Why are you being like this?" I asked him starting to tear up. "Can you please, just tell me what it is?"

"Fuck you, and I don't have to tell you anything. If your not smart enough to figure it out then, you're pretty fucking stupid. And by the way here you go, this is for you." He threw a crumpled up piece of paper at me. "Fucking whore!" he said.

"Piece of shit!" I called back and a tear fell from my eye.

"Oh, so now your gonna do all this crying shit? No, I'm through with it." he left the room.

I wiped my tear. "Well, good!"

I straightened out the paper. I began to recognize the words on it:

And it's all in how you mix the two, and it starts just where the light exists. It's a feeling that you cannot miss, and it burns a hole through everyone that feels it.

Well you're never gonna find it, if you're looking for it, won't come your way.
Well you'll never find it, if you're looking for it.

Should've done something but I've done it enough, by the way your hands were shaking, rather waste some time with you.

And you never would have thought in the end, how amazing it feels just to live again. It's a feeling that you cannot miss, it burns a hole through everyone that feels it.

Well you're never gonna find it, if you're looking for it, won't come your way.
Well you'll never find it, if you're looking for it.

Should've done something but I've done it enough, by the way your hands were shaking, rather waste some time with you.

Should've said something but I've said it enough, by the way my words were faded, rather waste some time with you.

Waste some time with you.

BLUE AND YELLOW