Your Smile, Bert

I read the paper over and over, for over an hour actually. That was the only proof I had other then the words, 'if your not smart enough to figure it out, your pretty fucking stupid'. I guess I am stupid. I mean, I figured it out by now, of course.

But, how can I talk to him? How the fuck am I supposed to approach someone that treated me that way? Drunk or high, whatever, that's no excuse for him to treat me like that.

But, then again, I am the stupid one and I am the one in the wrong. I was too blind to see how much Bert really cared for me. I was too caught up in my own little world to even talk to him about anything going on.

Although talking to him could have made him worse. Maybe he would have thrown this fit earlier instead of wasting my time now.

I couldn't even think straight. I couldn't see because I was crying.

I heard a knock on my door.

"What?" I asked in the most normal voice possible.

"It's your twin." Mikey's voice chimed.

I rolled my eyes. "Yes?"

"Can I come in?"

"No."

The door opened and Gerard and Mikey both came into my room and sat on the bed next to me. I wiped my face off with my hands. "I said not to come in."

"Well, when do we listen to you any other time?" Mikey asked.

I rolled my eyes. "Now is not the time for annoying jokes."

"Look, we came to talk to you." Gerard said.

"And, I figured Gerard couldn't handle it." Mikey said.

"And I figured Mikey couldn't either." Gerard said.

"So we made a team." they said at the same time.

"I appreciate your effort, but please, leave me alone." I said.

"Laycie, what happened tonight obviously hurt you." Mikey said.

"Who wouldn't be hurt by their best friend calling them a whore." I replied.

"That's not the point." Gerard said. "The point is, well, one your not."

"Yeah," Mikey said, "and that Bert was the one wrong here."

I sighed, "I guess so."

"But," Gerard added, "I think you should talk to him, when he's sober, and you guys have to make up."

"I'm not talking to him, ever." I said. "I can't."

"Why not?" Gerard asked.

"Because, he doesn't understand that I can't read his mind and he has to tell me when he's feeling a certain way, or if he is in love with me. Because he feels as if he has to be drunk or high in order to confront someone. And also, because he can't talk to me without being mad about Bob."

"Well put." Mikey said. "But, he can't read your mind either."

"I guess not." I said.

"You've got to end things with Bob if you ever want him to stop acting like a child." Gerard said.

"Well, I'm not doing that." I said.

Gerard sighed, "Well, good luck then."

"No, I think you should definitely talk to Bert before you end anything." Mikey said, "I mean, it may be selfish reasoning, but at least if Bert won't talk to you or forgive you or whatever, you'll still have Bob."

Gerard gave Mikey a look.

"Well, it's true."

I groaned. "It may be selfish, but I'm going with Mikey's philosophy."

"Well, whatever." Gerard said. "Just, do me a big favor and talk to Bert either way."

"I realize that I will have to." I said.

"He's still outside on the porch too, you know." Mikey said.

"I'll talk to him." I said, "Even if he is high...or drunk." I got up leaving Gerard and Mikey sitting there. I went out to the porch and Bert was seated on a lawn chair.

"Hey." I said.

"What do you want?" Bert said.

I sighed, "I want to patch things up."

"Well, I can't talk to you right now." he said, I could hear in his voice that he was crying.

"Bert, don't cry." I said starting to tear up myself, again.

"I'm not." he replied.

"You are too." I said. "Now, quit and talk to me."

"I said, I can't."

"Bert, please--"

"Leave me alone."

"Your at my house you know." I said.

"No shit." he said. "And I'm going home as soon as day breaks."

"You don't have too."

"I do have too, I don't want to be around you."

I didn't have a reply to that. I just turned to the door and went inside. There was no use in talking to him.

All I could think about was how badly I wanted him to come to me and say he was sorry. But, maybe I am the one who needs to apologize.

I hardly slept a wink knowing he was out there.

As soon as I noticed it was light out, I went back out to the porch. But, Bert was gone.

I glanced at the clock. No fucking wonder, it was noon.

"Laycie, that you?" Gerard asked yawning.

"If it were a murderer you'd already be dead." I replied opening the refrigerator.

"Well, it's a good thing your not." Gerard said turning back towards his room.

"Hey, if I'm not here when your up for good, it's because I've headed to Bert's." I told him.

"Your gonna walk the streets with those mass murderers out there you were talking about."

"Very funny." I replied. "If someone's gonna kill me, now would be the best time."

"Drama queen." Gerard said before rounding the corner.

I rolled my eyes. Now I was slightly scared to walk around. I'm such a fucking chicken, God.

My phone rang. It was Bob.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked.

"Um, nothing." was the best lie I could come up with.

"Not buying that."

I sighed. "Just don't worry about it."

"Well, come on over and talk to me in person." he said, "No one's here but me."

Wasn't what I wanted to hear while thinking about mass murderers. "Well, I've kind of got to go and... ah, screw it, if you can come and get me I'd be happy to keep you company."

"On my way after I shower."

"Hey, I've got to shower too. That means we'll be naked at the same time." I teased.

"It does." he replied laughing.

"See you in 20 minutes?"

"Yeah." he replied.

I hung up the phone. Blowing off talking to Bert for Bob. Wow, what a way to be an even worse friend.

I entered the bathroom and began undressing. I went for the for the cabinet and lifted the bottom shelf out where I hid my razor for those times that I just can't take it anymore. I ran it across the back of my upper thigh. It stung, but in a good way.

After my shower, with Bob on his way, I sat out on the porch waiting for him in the chair that Bert was in before he'd left. I looked to the table next to it and there were ashes and cigarette butts. I'm always telling him to quit that...

Before I knew it, Bob had pulled up. I left the porch and got into his car. "Hello." I said sweetly.

"Hi." Bob said smiling, "and I don't get a kiss?"

I couldn't help feeling guilty in two ways. One, for not going to talk to Bert and two for thinking about Bert while I was giving Bob a kiss.

He pulled out and began driving towards his house. Once we pulled up, I still recognized the place. I'd only been there like two dozen times to stay with Olivia.

"I would give you a tour, but you've seen the place." he said.

I nodded.

"Do you want a drink or anything?" he asked.

"No, not right now, thanks." I said.

"Well, then, I'm going to get a drink, be right back." he said.

I couldn't help but smile.

He came back with a can of Root Beer. "Are you sure you don't want anything?"

"Yes, very." I said smiling.

"Want to um, go to the den, watch a movie or something?"

"That would be nice." I said.

"Cool." he said heading down the stairs. I followed him.

"Just nothing scary, please." I said. "Gerard already tried to scare me to death this morning."

He laughed a little. "I can protect you though." He made a face a growled.

"Wow." I said laughing, "Well, last time I watched a scary movie here it was quite nice."

"Oh yeah, when Olivia and Laura forced you to watch The Exorcist?" he laughed.

"No." I said flatly recalling the time the two girls decided to let me sleep on the couch after watching the movie. Then, after I fell asleep they shook the couch and then pushed the lamp off the table without me knowing it was them.

He continued laughing. "I remember that night like it was yesterday. You screamed bloody murder."

"That still wasn't the time I was referring to..."

He laughed. "No, when they forced you to watch the Shinning and I offered to watch it with you guys. Every time you jumped you sat closer to me."

I smiled rolling my eyes. "Yes. Plus I wasn't even that scared."

"Oh yeah right, so you were cutting the circulation off of my arm for no reason?" he asked.

"I actually liked that one." I said, "and I like a few other scary movies...I just don't like being scared."

He laughed. "It's so funny though, because your brother is so into all that weird scary shit."

"Yeah, well, I'm the black sheep of the family."

He smiled, "Well, that's not so bad."

"Anyway, what do we have to watch that's not about freaky killers, or things that go bump in the night." I asked.

"Well, we've got every movie you could ever imagine."

We ended up watching Donnie Darko because when I saw it in the stack I couldn't help exclaiming "I love that movie!" and not to mention that I couldn't decide otherwise.

After the first few minutes, we weren't really paying attention to what was on the screen. We had started making out and lust really got the best of me. I moved from my seat next to him and sat on top of him. I couldn't help but noticing that he was enjoying himself, because well, to be blunt, his dick was rubbing against my thigh.

I was the one who got on top of him.

I continued kissing him, and tried to avoid the moans under my breath as he bit my lip.

My phone started to ring. I had to at least check it. I took the phone out of my pocket and it was my house. I sighed and took my seat back beside Bob.

"Hello?" I asked flatly.

"Are you coming home?" Gerard asked.

"Why?"

"Because, we're going to Dads and want to know if we're giving you a ride."

"No, I can get a ride over there." I replied without thinking.

"Oh really. From who?"

"Why?"

"Because your not at Bert's."

I sighed, "Yeah, yeah. I know."

"Your at Bob's aren't you?" he questioned.

"Yes, I am."

"Well, you better be glad that I'm not the kind of brother to drive over there and drag you out."

"Actually, you are that kind of brother."

"Just don't do anything stupid." He said and hung up.