As You Wish

One might consider a break up the best thing; they could get away from the pain the other was causing, they might figure out that they were more of friends than boyfriend and girlfriend. Or one might consider it was a bad thing, showing their way of love, having these special moments with them and than seeing it as waste since the other didn’t take it the way they did; at the end only leaving with a crumbled heart.

Once we got to one of the venues in San Diego, John was walking around looking miserable. This break up, I saw it totally different, I thought he would be… happy. But I guess I don’t know John like I thought I did. After everything done, everyone had done their job including me. I grabbed John by his arm and lead him outside.

“Hey, you want to talk about this?” I asked him, his face showing no emotion.

“I don’t want to talk about the break up.” John sort of hissed.

“I’m just trying to be a friend here. That’s all; you don’t have to bit my head off.” I let go of his arm and crossed my arms.

“Just let it go, okay? Stop worrying about it.”

“I don’t like seeing you like this and I just think it would be best if you talked about it.”

“So you have some kind of comforting words for me?”

“I guess, but that’s if you’re willing to hear them John and no I haven’t been in a break up before, well a big one where I got hurt.”

“Then what do you know about a hurtful break up? Just stick to what you know, stick to fighting your cancer, take in all the sympathy you get.” He said, he then stood up straighter, looking like he regretted saying that.

“Hmm, that’s pretty much a ‘fuck you’ to not having a heartbreak. But don’t worry John, I will not stop fighting this cancer, I get the hint now. I’ll back off…” I said taking a step back, I slowly turned.

“No Ella I didn’t mean what I said, really.” His hand gripping onto my arm.

“You know what John, no it’s fine. Don’t worry about it.” I said pushing his hand off my arm, shaking my head and returning to my spot behind the merchandise stand.

As the day proceeded John was the main thing I was dodging, this is where I was hoping every fan would do their part and block my way from him; his calls being over ruled by the loud music. Once the show was over, I was out of there quicker than ever. Running to the hotel and my room, I made great time. But the downpour I was more tired than ever.

As the next day came, Dana and I were standing around in the venue near the buses. I was still tried from my running from the night before.

“So I heard.” Dana said finally, her eyes scanning through the ends of her hair.

“What did you hear?” I asked, confused slightly.

“Two things, one John’s and Veronica’s break up and two the little bitch slap in words he had given you yesterday. He pretty much spat it out to the band once everyone was out of the building. He feels pretty bad about it, I feel bad for him.”

“Oh. Well it’s in the past, so it doesn’t matter anymore. It was the pain talking not him.”

“And you’re taking it pretty well, if I were in your shoes, I’d probably be crying. I wouldn’t be out here right now. But I guess you’re stronger than me.”

John’s choice of words did in fact hurt me, but it wasn’t something I was going to hold on to. I wouldn’t hold a grudge towards him for speaking through pain, it’s not his fault. Watching Dana drop her hair finally and throwing it over her shoulder. Something it would do if my hair was long.

“Ella, can we talk?” Was the only thing I heard after some time, I was in a mid day dream of having long hair. Shaking my head and looking over to the voice, seeing John standing there.

“Yeah, sure, speak…” I said turning to face John.

“About yesterday… with what I had said…” John started, Dana leaving once he spoke.

“John, forget about it okay? I know you didn’t mean what you said. I’m not mad at you or anything. I know you’re just in pain and couldn’t help what you had said. But maybe I should stick to my level, when it comes to advice and heartbreaks aren’t my level.”

“I love hearing what you have to say, I was just a little moody.”

“I know you were moody, so stop trying to say sorry now.”

“But…”

“Drop it.”

“As you wish…” John said in a whisper.

Staring at him when he said that, I shook my head at him. “When are you ever going to tell me if you mean that? Why can’t you just say you mean it or you don’t? It’s not hard John. Just say it.”

“I mean it. Ever since I first said to you, I meant it fully. There wasn’t a day that went by that I doubt my love for you.” John said only moving closer to me as he spoke.

“Don’t be stupid John. You can’t love me.”

“Hey, don’t doubt my love for you either.”

“Fine, I won’t.”

“Ella, I love you, there’s nothing that will change that feeling. Every moment with you is a rush, you make me feel like anything is possible.” John and Kennedy said at the same time. My eyes shot to Kennedy quickly, he shook his head and pulled me away from John.

“John, man I can’t let you do this to her. You can’t pull those lines on her. It’s just not right. And to think I was going to let you, I mean I helped you. I’m a bad person, but now I feel better, Ella is a good person John, she’s not going to be your rebound.” Kennedy said, holding onto my arm.

“Rebound, are you serious?” my voice cracked, stared at John with hurtful eyes.

“No, no, no. He’s lying! I wouldn’t do that to you! Kennedy tell her you’re kidding!” John’s voice in a begging tone. “Seriously that’s fucked up, don’t joke like this…”

“And hurt Ella more. No John I’m going to be apart of your little game.”

“Ella, you’re not going to believe him are you?” John asked, his face was showing more pain.

“John, I don’t want to be your rebound… I already have enough problems and adding this, wouldn’t help me any…” I said getting my arm out of Kennedy’s hold, I slowly backed up and turned around, putting my hands on face, trying in any way not to let a tear slip.

“Oh gosh Ella, what happened!?” Dana rushed up to me and put her hands on my arms.

“I was his rebound! He was like ‘I love you and bullshit, bullshit, bullshit, nothing can change that.’ Bullshit…” I said almost crying.

“John? John told you that he loves you and then tells you he using you as a rebound?”

“No, Kennedy came in and said it. How could I be stupid? I was like almost draw to that shit!” I looked at Dana who looked mad, staring in the direction I came from.

“I didn’t think he would do that… I’m going to give me a piece of my mind…”

“Dana, don’t okay? Just let it go. He’ll get his paid back soon enough. Please, just stay with me…”

Watching Dana’s eyes wander over to me, she simply nodded. We headed back to the hotel, where I laid on the bed and just held the tears in. I really didn’t want to cry over this; to me it wasn’t worth it. I didn’t think in a million years, he would do something like this. I wanted to doubt this problem, but Kennedy repeating the lines, just make it seem truer.