As You Wish

A week later and I was unable to contain myself from pulling out of my hair and wanting to scream, the nurses in this hospital seemed to be a little slow with giving out news, or they just wanted to raise hell with the patients. Either way it wasn’t a good for them. My mom repeatedly would ask for some kind of information about my little girl that seemed to be unimportant to them and I hated them for it. I suppose it obvious on my mood that no one really tried to calm me down, expect for one person who wasn’t here.

As John popped into my head, my eyes went into a roll from thinking over our last amazing conversation. He hadn’t called since then, and I was hoping he got really busy or else I wouldn’t be too thrilled to see him. To be honest I didn’t really want to see him, it was possible that I’ve gone passed crazy if I was coming to that decision.

It was now turning into a day and a week and finally found out that my little girl was going to be just fine, I nearly broke out at the nurse who give me the news simply because they couldn’t tell me the day before. I had calm down quietly due to the little bundle that was wrapped up in a blanket, she was adorable. She looked so tiny when she was in that blanket; it looked like the blanket was eating her.

When I was out of the hospital and out in the open air, everything was back to normal so far it. The ride home to my parents’ where I choose to stay until I was able to fully take of Laruen, I didn’t really know exactly what to do so my mom was going to be there and of course she didn’t mind because she just fell in love with her.

Entering the quiet house I felt peacefully and comfortable like I did the first time I entered, but I also felt a lot more tired. My dad was holding Laruen in her carrier as I had my arms around my mom’s arm and my head rested on her shoulder my eyes falling close every now and then.

“Honey, why don’t you go into your room and get some sleep?” She whispered softly, placing a kiss on my head.

“What about Laruen?” I mumbled tiredly.

“She’s fine; we’ll take care of her while you’re asleep, okay?”

I nodded and kissed both of my mom’s and dad’s on their cheeks and headed up the stairs tiredly, I took off my shoes and sweater, changing into some sweats and a shirt that I had in a suitcase there. I crawled into bed carefully still feeling a tad sore and covered up. My eyes fall close and stayed like that for as long I could remember.

I’m guessing hours or so later I stayed asleep and nothing was bugging me until I felt the bed shift and warmth was added to my back. I frowned at the sudden change and opened my eyes tiredly, I looked around my dark room and reached over to the lamp on the night stand and turned it on. I licked my dry lips and pushed some of the free hair in my face back. I felt eyes on me, I looked over slowly to whoever joined me, only connect eyes with John himself.

“What are you doing here?” I asked almost bitterly and got out of bed, wrapping my arms around my middle, being so use to have a lump there.

“You mean what am I doing here, I came to see you and our girl. She’s beautiful.” John said with a smile on his lips.

“Good, now that you saw her now you can run off.” I continued I was still mad that John was mad at me for knowing nothing about Laruen and how he yelled me. Maybe I was overreacting but I didn’t care, he should know that he hurt me.

“Whoa, where is this coming from Ella?” John looked at me confused and sat up in my bed.

“I’m still not over the fact you yelled at me and that I didn’t know anything.” I mumbled and didn’t look at him.

“That happened a week ago and you’re still dwelling over it?”

“Yes, you made me feel like it was my fault that she was born early and why the hell didn’t you call me within this past week?”

“I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to make you feel bad. I got… busy, I’m sorry… you know I wanted to be here right?”

“Whatever John,” I whispered and sat on my bed, my back turned to him as I played with the hem of my shirt.

“Ella…”

“I don’t care anymore John, just drop it.” I said looking over my shoulder to him, I saw the hurt and pain that was plastered on it, and I didn’t seem to mind. I looked forward and shook my head a little.

The quick movements off the bed and the slam of the door had told me that John had left. I closed my eyes tightly and fought the urge to cry, knowing that it was my fault for overreacting and could’ve just hugged him. I quickly stood up and walked out of the room in hope of catching John but I was too late. I looked at my parents who looked at me confused from the living room.

“What happened, Ella?” My mom asked standing up, Laruen in her arms.

“I… I…” I started I couldn’t bring myself to say that I messed up and I couldn’t let go the fact I didn’t just get up and hug and kiss him like I’ve been dying to do. I looked at my mom simply just shrugged my shoulders still as the words rambled in my head.

I took a shaky breath and entered the living room; I placed myself on the couch and looked over my mom and the little girl. My mom or dad didn’t push the subject; I bent my knee and placed my chin on the top of it. Wondering the hell I came to this place of where I didn’t give a damn that I hurt the one I loved. I was stupid.

I was now lost in the world that held no time, little did I know that the day had turned into another week. I was really losing myself and beating myself up for what happened. I had actually called John at one point but no answer. I came to the conclusion that I had to make things right and head home to our apartment. My dad drove me and Laruen there only to enter a dead quiet apartment, it seemed like no one lived there, it seemed like it hadn’t changed since I left there.

“Are you going to be okay?” My dad quietly probably afraid to waken something that was within the apartment.

I looked over to my dad and nodded lightly, I walked over to the pen that was there build and ready to be owned by Laruen. I placed her sleeping body in there carefully; I moved my fingers along her small cheek and looked over to my dad.

“You know you could always come home if things don’t work out.”

“Things are going to be fine,” I sort of snapped, I didn’t want it turn out that way. I wanted things to work out.

“I’m sorry Ella; I’m just trying to be helpful.” He said calmly. “I just get worried for you after the last time you disappeared.” My dad walked over and wrapped his arms around me, I hugged him back tightly. “Just know I’m here.”

I nodded to him and took a shaky breath; I didn’t know how I couldn’t shed a tear now. I released my dad and looked over his face giving a small smile before mumbling a goodbye. The room fell quiet when the door closed; I took another shaky breath and headed for the room. I stopped dead in my tracks staring at the lump in the bed; blankets brought up to his neck and hair just a mess.

I chewed on my bottom lip as I carefully approached the bed, and stood in front of where he faced. I looked over his face showing off nothing but emptiness, he was awake but seemed lifeless. I brushed some of my hair behind my ear and sat down near his stomach.

“John, I just wanted to say that I was sorry and that I was out of line when I got mad. I didn’t mean to hold on my anger and throw it at you.” I said lightly, I brought my hand to his cheek, running my thumb along his cheek and pushing some of his hair out of his face.

He said nothing; he didn’t even look at me. “Yeah, I guess I deserve the cold shoulder. I’m home now with Laruen, just hmm…” I started but only to get up and leave the room. The worry feeling had started to build up in my stomach, I placed my hand on it and frowned and got to the living room. I brought out Laruen who was started to become restless, I sat on the couch placing her on my chest and held her close, patting her small back softly as she slowly started to calm down. My eyes were glued to the hallway just hoping that John would come out… he never did.