We All Have Been Degraded

Lynn rolled over feeling disgusting. Like she ran a marathon before bed and didn’t think to shower.

Slowly as her senses became more aware she realized how horrid she smelled. She smelled like a three day old bar rag. That’s when last night started coming back.

She remembered challenging John drinking. Then she remembered like three drinks in, then everything got foggy.

She climbed out of the bed feeling the ill effects from the liquor. She didn’t even look back at the bed she didn’t want to observe the room anymore than she already had. It smelled unlike anything she’d ever smelled before and she was not a fan of said smell.

As she walked out of the room her whole body felt sore, she assumed she just was a really clumsy drunk.

She knew she was at Aurora’s so she knew right where the bathroom was so she could shower.

She got into the bathroom and after unzipping the dress and beginning to slide it off she realized, her panties were missing. She frantically pulled her dress back up and zipped it halfway rushing out back to the room she’d just been in.

When she came back she saw a shirtless boy on the opposite side of the bed than what she was on when she left. His back was too the door so she couldn’t see his face.

All she knew was she hoped she just lost her panties not something else.

She thought maybe he just came in in the middle of the night and crashed next to her because he was too drunk to drive home. She hoped that the pain she felt all over her lower body wasn’t something so easy to explain. She hoped there was a hilarious anecdote about her falling into the spilts up the stairs.

The way she had it figured was if the underwear were on her side of the bed she slid out of them in the middle of the night, otherwise chaos.

She search silently as possible hoping not to wake the sleeping guy in the bed, she’d already envisioned that scenario in her head and it was not something she wanted to really experience. Even more so because the face her mind had put on the man was the right one -although she didn‘t know it yet- and that could be her worst nightmare come to life.

This morning denial was her best friend.

She stood back up and realized her underwear were in incredibly plain sight, tossed carelessly onto the lamp on his side of the bed.

She knew. Everything was clear. She just wished it wasn’t.

She used all the stealth in her arsenal and snuck around to the boy’s side of the bed to grab her panties and holding her nose because the smell was too much. She now knew the smell of alcohol that seeps from your pores and sex aren’t smells she wants to ever smell again. That was almost enough to convince her that sex was the last thing she ever wanted to do again.

She kept her eyes on her underwear trying not to look at the face of the boy that she hoped would forget as much as she did.

She snatched her underwear off the lamp as soon as she was within arms length and hurriedly turned on her heel to leave the room but got caught on mystery boy’s clothes. They tangled her feet because of the way she turned and she came crashing to the floor.

“Damnit!” She muttered as she hit the floor. She clamped her eyes and prayed the sound of her hitting the ground wasn’t enough to wake the boy up.

They say all prayers are answered, just not all are answered yes.

“Well hello again.” The groggy voice spoke.

That’s when she knew her prayer was answered with a resounding no.

Her eyes started to peek open slowly and when she saw the owner of the voice they closed again and she tried to wake up like this was all just a bad dream.

“Why you clamping your eyes shut baby?” John said as he slowly sat up with the blanket still draped over his waist enough to keep him covered. “Trying to remember last night in better detail? Because you’re on top of my clothes so you know I could just stand up an show you what you’re trying to remember.”

So not only was it John but he evidently remembered.

Her eyes flew open and she made her way back to her feet and stepped off his clothes. “How dare you take advantage of me like that?” She snapped at him. “I was drunk!”

He rolled his eyes. “So was I. I wouldn’t have just taken total advantage of you like that. I’m not that fucked up.” He said as he stood up letting the blanket fall to the wayside.

Her hand flew to her eyes covering them so she wouldn’t see his... Everything.

He laughed at her and grabbed his boxer-briefs off the floor and started pulling them on. “You realize you’ve had sex with me right? Seeing me naked is nothing.” He looked at her with a smile as he adjusted the waistband of his underwear.

She slowly moved her fingers apart to see if he’d gotten something on and dropped her hand when she saw he did. “If you were drunk too why do you remember?” She asked curiously part of her remembering loving his eyes as she gazed at them. She wasn’t sure when that was from.

“Not everybody wakes up with no memory and if you do it usually comes back to you.” He then leaned down for his jeans.

As he was leaned over pulling them on she noticed his abs then a bit of the previous night came back to her. The moment when his chest was freshly exposed and she was so taken back she couldn’t stop herself.

“Ugh.” She groaned realizing that she couldn’t blame it all on him.

He looked up and saw the look on her face and couldn’t help but let out a chuckle. “I’m guessing it’s starting to come back to you. The part where you were on the table dancing to Def Leopard?”

Her eyes expanded. “I did what?” She said in a panic, embarrassed.

“You were on the coffee table dancing to Pour Some Sugar On Me. It was very sexy.” He said as he stepped closer obviously not being done with her even after last night.

“Get away from me John.” She said uncomfortable with him getting close to her.

His mouth twisted upward flashing her another smirk. “We’ve had sex and you don’t like it when I walk toward you? You run very hot and cold darling.” He said as he pushed some of her tousled hair behind her ear.

She began to bond with denial again as she felt his breath tickling her face. “So you say, you were drunk too like you really remember.” She let herself pretend to forget what she’d begun to remember only moments before.

His eyes were on fire with mischief now as he dropped his hands and let them trail up her legs not even stopping as she shoved at them and swatted at them and stopped, just before completely revealing her, at the fullest part of her hips. Where he remembered he’d had a very good grip.

He glanced down and saw the subtle bruises just perfectly resembling his fingers and looked back up to her eyes. “Then who’s hands do these belong to?”

Enraged and now completely unable to deny anything else she ripped herself away from him.

She stormed out of the room with John -now laughing to himself again- following her but staying in the doorway as she continued toward the bathroom.

“I was right the bad girl thing definitely works for you. The prude thing was so Freshmen year.” He spoke as she got halfway over the threshold to the bathroom.

Garrett who’d just woken up and was stumbling toward downstairs heard this and stopped inside Tim’s doorway so he wouldn’t be seen.

Her face remained hard even though her eyes started to pool with tears that you could hear in her voice shaking at the end of her demand. “Go to Hell John.” She harshly closed the door behind her.

Garrett was floored. He’d never heard John talk like that to anyone, he knew that he was a little overconfident since the band but he never thought he’d hear John talk in such a mean spirited manner to anyone. John was one of the nicest dudes he knew.

Also he’d never heard Lynn so upset. He knew that things bothered her but she always tried to keep up a facade like nothing was wrong.

He knew he’d been all wrong about her.

Lynn was brought to tears and she almost let him see it. Lynn never saw beauty in the breakdown, she thought it’d just make her appear weak. Again she was shedding her clothes but now she stared in the mirror as she did so and all she could see was a shadow of what she once was. She felt empty. She felt like she lost everything that ever made her who she was. Her morals. She was disgusted that all it took for her to lose them was a stupid challenge by some stupid boy and too much alcohol.

All over her skin she saw scarlet letters spelling, “Easy” “Tramp” “Whore” and words of the such but the worst thing she envisioned was written across her face, “Just like her mother.”

The tears wouldn’t stop. Matter-of-fact they flowed harder than they ever had.

She climbed into the shower hoping to be able to wash the letters away. To wash away the stain from her fallen judgment.

She never stopped crying but once she got into the shower the salty tears mixed with the water from the faucet and she could hardly tell she was anymore.

She scrubbed at her skin trying to wash away the dirty feeling but it wouldn’t release her. Even as she scrubbed hard enough for her nails to leave heavy red scratches over her she still felt dirty.

After about a half an hour in there she knew it would be improper to stay in any longer.

After she got out and looked the mirror that was just clear enough to vaguely see herself she realized that she wouldn’t be getting rid of these letters anytime soon.

It truly hit her -although she already knew- these letters were all her creation. Her tears that had started to slow quickened again. She loathed herself and there wasn’t anything she could think of to do to change it.

She waited a moment for her tears to stop. She forced them to stop really.

She pulled her clothes back on and she put on her best strong face. She played it like Bree Van Decamp from Desperate Housewives played it, if she looked ok to the world then everything really was ok.

She walked out with her head high and eyes bloodshot and puffy from crying.

Lynn walked down to the kitchen where she found Aurora, Tim, and Sky cleaning up and Garrett sitting at the table finishing his breakfast quietly.

Sky’s heavy empathy kicked in as she saw the fake smile plastered on Lynn’s tearstained face.

Aurora noticed Lynn’s red swollen eyes and reacted first. “What’s wrong? Who the hell should I hit?”

Lynn just maintained her flimsy composure. “Oh, I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong.”

Garrett just looked at her with sad eyes wishing he’d been nicer, wishing he didn’t have to see her so upset.

Tim decided this would be a good time to start working on the living room because he thought it’d be best if he left the room for that conversation.

“Lynn you were crying.” Sky started.

“No. I’m fine.” She insisted.

Sky and Aurora looked at each other unsure of the appropriate way to handle this.

They didn’t have one so they couldn’t fight her.

“Well then, what’s up?” Aurora asked awkwardly pulling these words out.

Lynn’s fake smile didn’t fade, she now had them going with it which meant things were going her way. “Well I was just wondering when we were going to leave, but I’ll help you clean first.” She grabbed a sponge out of the sink and started wiping down the counters hardly thinking about it. Honestly she liked cleaning when she was stressed.

Aurora excused herself having a feeling she knew the culprit.

She found him walking out of the bathroom having taken a quicker shower than Lynn with a towel wrapped around his waist heading toward Tim’s room where he’d left extra clothes.

“Damn you John!” She said as she stormed toward him.

He turned with a fright. “What the hell did I do Rora?”

“Don’t ‘Rora’ me John Oh. What the hell did you do to Lynn?” She asked furiously.

He snickered to himself. “Nothing she didn’t want me to.”

This answered her question good enough. Her fist instantly pulled back and flew up catching him in the jaw.

John was caught off guard by the simple fact she could reach his chin let alone by the fact she actually hit him.

“What the hell Aurora?” He spit angry with his hand gripping the area of impact.

“Stay the hell away from my friends John. You’ve become a shitty person for a girl to be around and my friends deserve better.” She hissed back before turning on her heel.

Before she could get to far he spit another shitty comment. “She seemed to like me pretty well last night.”

She turned back and glared. “You know what stay away from me too.”

Sky had walked out of the kitchen for a moment to ask Tim something.

Leaving the obsessively cleaning Lynn and the eating Garrett in the kitchen alone. She didn’t notice too much.

He cleared his throat preparing himself to speak and she didn’t even notice.

She was getting the kitchen so clean that the Kirch parents would be suspicious when they got home.

“I’m sorry.” Rang through the room like a gun shot ringing through the night, bringing someone unrest.

“What did you say?” She asked riddled with confusion.

He looked up having not been able to the first time he said it. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have been such an asshole to you. You didn’t deserve that.”

She saw the sincerity in his eyes and smiled a real smile for the first time this whole morning that had been filled with headaches and realization. “Consider it forgiven and forgotten.”

He got up bringing his now empty cereal bowl to the sink and standing by her. “Now what’s really the matter?”

Aurora Kirch being the nosey -but amazing- friend that she is was standing right outside the kitchen listening having gotten down the stairs and away from John. She was ecstatic to hear Garrett and Lynn finally find something of peace. She thought it’d never happen. As happy go lucky as Garrett was he had his own style of grudge holding just like everybody else.

Lynn’s guard flew right back up -but not to the point that she could get back into faking it- as he asked that. She didn’t want to go there, she wanted to take a boat through denial to check out the scenery, to see if things were prettier there.

“You start caring about me thirty seconds ago and you expect me to be ready to divulge everything?” She asked somewhat harshly, regretting it the instant it came out of her mouth.

He just stood there and waited knowing she wasn’t the type to answer like that without feeling some sort of guilt.

She dropped he head. “Sorry. I‘m not talking about it though.”

He smiled sympathetically and nodded pulling the girl into a hug he thought was much needed.

It took everything in her to keep from crying on his shoulder.

She had to smile at him when they pulled apart. “Thanks Garrett.”

“No problem,” He smiled back. “If you ever wanna talk, I’m here got it?”

Her smile went higher up the left side of her face. “Ok.”

Then she returned to cleaning and he left the kitchen.

Aurora thought it appropriate to enter then and walked in as Garrett walked out.

“Hey,” She spoke softly. “I can take you home whenever you want.”

Lynn smiled at her and spoke politely. “I’ll help you guys finish cleaning first.” If she was a red-head and obsessive compulsive she’d be a dead ringer for Bree Van Decamp.

Aurora just smiled and nodded, walking out letting Lynn deal with this the way she wanted to, alone.

Lynn did the counters, the table, the floor, basically she went over everything. Then she moved to the living room, where everyone had thrown all the stray plastic cups and various other sorts of party debris into large trash bags and done all the main party clean up, and began doing the same.

The only place left was the backyard and when Lynn came into the living room they headed back there so everything would be done about the same time.

Lynn started on the higher surfaces first knowing to do the floor last. She got to the coffee table with her wash rag ready to wipe it down and she saw shoe prints.

Like she needed to see John’s words validated.

She knew they were hers. Her flats had an interesting tread pattern and with her height she had size 11 shoes.

This was her worst nightmare she was sure.

Her mind went off to wondering how many people would remember her stupid drunk exploits.

She wished she could turn back time.

To right before that first day in English.

She wished he’d never even looked in her direction.