Forget Superstition by Wearing It Backwards
New York rain, L.A. sunshine
"Not now Gabe," I said pushing him away with my left hand, while I was clutching my bag in the other. He was trying to persuade me to go to L.A. with him.
"Come on Victoria, it will be fun," he whined like a needy girlfriend.
"No," I said while putting the bag in the back of the cab. I grabbed the door handle of the car, but Gabe put his hand on the door, preventing me to get in. I gave him annoyed look and he let go of the car, putting his arms up in defense.
"Fine, suit yourself," he said and went another way.
I closed the door and sighed quite loud.
"You have rather whining boyfriend," the cabbie said. I was looking at my cell, and not hearing his words just nodded my head. Wait, boyfriend? Gabe?
"Oh no, no. He's not my boyfriend," I quickly corrected him, once his words sunk in. He nodded, and the rest of the ride was silent.
I kept checking my cell for any missed calls, or even a message. I was disappointed. He was usually a persistent son of the bitch. But nothing this time. And that made me sad.
The cab stopped in front of a grey building. I looked up to my window, my dark, heavy curtains. I was home. I paid the cabbie and walked out, taking my bag and entering the tired looking building. Home never felt so lonely.
I opened the door to my apartment. Everything was the way I left it. A Confederacy of Dunces laid the same spot I left it. I placed my bag by the door and went to the kitchen. I wasn't really exhausted or tired from touring. There were things happening in my life that I wish it never did.
Don't forget to get Giz when you get back,
Victoria
I read the note on the fridge I left for myself and smiled. Walking in the living room, the note in my hand, I heard my cell screaming. My eyes went wide; my heart was beating like crazy. I crumpled the paper and throw it somewhere in the room. I ran towards the ringing, answering the fastest I could.
"Hello?" Maybe I was too eager to hear his voice again. As if I don't hear it enough.
"Hey Vic," a voice said from the other side. Chipper, girl's voice.
"Hey Ash," I responded.
"Well glad to hear you too," she said in her duh voice.
"Sorry, I was expecting a call from someone. But I guess he doesn't think about me," I said the last part almost in a whisper, fearing if I say it out loud it might just be true. It might be that he didn't saw me that way. The way I saw him.
"Are you okay?" she sounded worry.
"I'm fine," I shrugged, as if she could actually see me. "How are you? Aren't you supposed to pop out any day now?"
"Yeah. Don't get me wrong, being pregnant is amazing. The actual knowing that you could give life is the best feeling in the world." She went silent for a couple of seconds. "I want it out," she cried.
I smiled lightly at her antics. But then it hit me. I could be like than any time soon. And it scared me.
Talking to Ashlee always would cheer me up. But for some reason I felt more depressed that ever.
"Hey Ash, can I call you later? I've just got in the apartment…"
"Sure thing. Sorry," she cut me off.
I hung up, still looking at the small device in my hand. Never in a million years would I expect to something like this happen to me. Not me. Not ever.
With a sigh, I stood up and took the pack from my bag. There was only one cigarette left in it. I look at it. I was looking at the damn death stick with so much amusement than ever. Everything was different now. Everything had its new meaning now.
I placed the cigarette between my lips, searching frantically for a lighter.
"Where are you little fucker? I know I put you… There you are," I said to the little object in my hand. It was a present from him. Anger built up inside and I threw the frikin' lighter with all my strength across the room. I was walking backwards until my back hit the wall, and I slid down, wrapping my arms around my knees.
Why haven't he called?
Was I not worth one single fucking phone call?
I stood up. I wasn't going to pity myself. I'm better than this.
I walked to the big stereo sound and turned it on. I let the music take me away from here. Any place else but here. I closed my eyes, my mind enjoying the soothing voice of Paolo Nutini. Just as my mind was beginning to relax and forget, the doorbell rang. I sighed, visibly agitated.
I opened the door, and Gabe was standing, water dripping from him. I looked at him questioningly.
"It's raining outside," he said and walked inside. I scratched the back of my neck and closed the door. The small pools of water were on the floor, leading to the bathroom where Gabe went. I went to the kitchen to make some tea to warm him up. Hey, I care for the singer of my band, sue me.
"So…" I heard him say from behind me. "What are you doing?" he asked, resting his head on my shoulder, making my skin to form goose bumps.
"Making you tea," I answered simply. I could just feel him roll his eyes. He grabbed me by the shoulders and spun me around. I tried my hardest to avoid his stare, but he placed his hands on my face, making me look at him.
"I don't give a fuck about the tea," he whispered-yelled. "You seem so different than before. I know something's wrong. I can just feel it."
I placed my hands above his, removing them.
"I'm fine. I'm just tired," I lied. I looked at his eyes and fucking lied.
"Then why won't you come with me to L.A.?" he insisted. I walked into the living room and sat in the chair. It was so soft and fluffy. I wanted to lose myself in the chair and forget about anything.
"Victoria."
"Look at me Gabe. I'm tired. I'm a fucking mess," I yelled at him. He smiled and sat in my lap. "Get of off me you fat ass."
"You're not a fucking mess. You are a hot mess," he smiled even wider. I fought the smile, but I was failing at it. "That's my girl," he whispered and kissed my forehead.
*********
"You're serious?" I asked Travis. He got a phone call, Ashlee has got into labour. Unfortunately, her dumb husband was with Gabe, getting shit wasted. "Come on we have to get them out of here," I said.
Travis and I walked back to the club, finding Gabe and Pete dancing on a table. Being the taller one, Travie picked Gabe over his shoulder, while I was pulling Pete on his feet.
"Come on. We have to go." He looked at me, his eyes dancing like oil on the water. "Your wife is in labour!" I screamed at his face. Guess it worked, 'cause he stood still and looked at me blankly.
"What?"
I rolled my eyes and repeated my words, "Ashlee is in labour."
In a matter of seconds we were in the hospital, waiting. All the boys from Ryan Ross to Disashi were there. I was the only girl though. And I couldn't stand it. I was always one of the boys. No exceptions. But sometimes I need a reminder that I'm a girl. I have feelings too.
And I felt the walls surrounding me. I was suffocating. My eyes got blurry, my throat started burning and my stomach was doing backflips. I dashed to the bathroom, emptying everything I had in me. I wanted it out. I'm not that kind of girl. I could never be that kind of girl.
I looked at the face in the mirror, looking back at me.
"You are strong, Victoria. You can do it." I wanted so bad to believe those words. I needed to believe. Cold water felt so good against my burning skin.
I walked back into the waiting room. As soon as my feet reached the room, Pete ran out, smiling.
"It's a boy. I have a baby boy!" He was shaking. I was happy for them, but I couldn't bring myself to smile.
The guys went to congratulate the new parents, but I stayed behind. I couldn't bring myself to face my fears. That could be me any time soon.
"Vic, what's wrong?" came a voice of a worried Travis. I looked at him tears threatening to fall down my eyes. I guess that at the some level he knew what was going on with me. "Victoria you have to tell him. He loves you. He'll understand." He put an arm around my shoulders.
"Are we talking about the same person here?" I smiled through the tears.
"Gabe loves you," he grabbed me by the shoulder, facing me towards him. "Now go."
I took a deep breath and walked towards him. He was sitting alone in one of those plastic chairs, head resting against beige walls. I sat next to him, not saying a word.
"I can't believe Pete's a father," he whispered, looking at me and smiling.
"Gabe, I'm pregnant."
"Come on Victoria, it will be fun," he whined like a needy girlfriend.
"No," I said while putting the bag in the back of the cab. I grabbed the door handle of the car, but Gabe put his hand on the door, preventing me to get in. I gave him annoyed look and he let go of the car, putting his arms up in defense.
"Fine, suit yourself," he said and went another way.
I closed the door and sighed quite loud.
"You have rather whining boyfriend," the cabbie said. I was looking at my cell, and not hearing his words just nodded my head. Wait, boyfriend? Gabe?
"Oh no, no. He's not my boyfriend," I quickly corrected him, once his words sunk in. He nodded, and the rest of the ride was silent.
I kept checking my cell for any missed calls, or even a message. I was disappointed. He was usually a persistent son of the bitch. But nothing this time. And that made me sad.
The cab stopped in front of a grey building. I looked up to my window, my dark, heavy curtains. I was home. I paid the cabbie and walked out, taking my bag and entering the tired looking building. Home never felt so lonely.
I opened the door to my apartment. Everything was the way I left it. A Confederacy of Dunces laid the same spot I left it. I placed my bag by the door and went to the kitchen. I wasn't really exhausted or tired from touring. There were things happening in my life that I wish it never did.
Don't forget to get Giz when you get back,
Victoria
I read the note on the fridge I left for myself and smiled. Walking in the living room, the note in my hand, I heard my cell screaming. My eyes went wide; my heart was beating like crazy. I crumpled the paper and throw it somewhere in the room. I ran towards the ringing, answering the fastest I could.
"Hello?" Maybe I was too eager to hear his voice again. As if I don't hear it enough.
"Hey Vic," a voice said from the other side. Chipper, girl's voice.
"Hey Ash," I responded.
"Well glad to hear you too," she said in her duh voice.
"Sorry, I was expecting a call from someone. But I guess he doesn't think about me," I said the last part almost in a whisper, fearing if I say it out loud it might just be true. It might be that he didn't saw me that way. The way I saw him.
"Are you okay?" she sounded worry.
"I'm fine," I shrugged, as if she could actually see me. "How are you? Aren't you supposed to pop out any day now?"
"Yeah. Don't get me wrong, being pregnant is amazing. The actual knowing that you could give life is the best feeling in the world." She went silent for a couple of seconds. "I want it out," she cried.
I smiled lightly at her antics. But then it hit me. I could be like than any time soon. And it scared me.
Talking to Ashlee always would cheer me up. But for some reason I felt more depressed that ever.
"Hey Ash, can I call you later? I've just got in the apartment…"
"Sure thing. Sorry," she cut me off.
I hung up, still looking at the small device in my hand. Never in a million years would I expect to something like this happen to me. Not me. Not ever.
With a sigh, I stood up and took the pack from my bag. There was only one cigarette left in it. I look at it. I was looking at the damn death stick with so much amusement than ever. Everything was different now. Everything had its new meaning now.
I placed the cigarette between my lips, searching frantically for a lighter.
"Where are you little fucker? I know I put you… There you are," I said to the little object in my hand. It was a present from him. Anger built up inside and I threw the frikin' lighter with all my strength across the room. I was walking backwards until my back hit the wall, and I slid down, wrapping my arms around my knees.
Why haven't he called?
Was I not worth one single fucking phone call?
I stood up. I wasn't going to pity myself. I'm better than this.
I walked to the big stereo sound and turned it on. I let the music take me away from here. Any place else but here. I closed my eyes, my mind enjoying the soothing voice of Paolo Nutini. Just as my mind was beginning to relax and forget, the doorbell rang. I sighed, visibly agitated.
I opened the door, and Gabe was standing, water dripping from him. I looked at him questioningly.
"It's raining outside," he said and walked inside. I scratched the back of my neck and closed the door. The small pools of water were on the floor, leading to the bathroom where Gabe went. I went to the kitchen to make some tea to warm him up. Hey, I care for the singer of my band, sue me.
"So…" I heard him say from behind me. "What are you doing?" he asked, resting his head on my shoulder, making my skin to form goose bumps.
"Making you tea," I answered simply. I could just feel him roll his eyes. He grabbed me by the shoulders and spun me around. I tried my hardest to avoid his stare, but he placed his hands on my face, making me look at him.
"I don't give a fuck about the tea," he whispered-yelled. "You seem so different than before. I know something's wrong. I can just feel it."
I placed my hands above his, removing them.
"I'm fine. I'm just tired," I lied. I looked at his eyes and fucking lied.
"Then why won't you come with me to L.A.?" he insisted. I walked into the living room and sat in the chair. It was so soft and fluffy. I wanted to lose myself in the chair and forget about anything.
"Victoria."
"Look at me Gabe. I'm tired. I'm a fucking mess," I yelled at him. He smiled and sat in my lap. "Get of off me you fat ass."
"You're not a fucking mess. You are a hot mess," he smiled even wider. I fought the smile, but I was failing at it. "That's my girl," he whispered and kissed my forehead.
*********
"You're serious?" I asked Travis. He got a phone call, Ashlee has got into labour. Unfortunately, her dumb husband was with Gabe, getting shit wasted. "Come on we have to get them out of here," I said.
Travis and I walked back to the club, finding Gabe and Pete dancing on a table. Being the taller one, Travie picked Gabe over his shoulder, while I was pulling Pete on his feet.
"Come on. We have to go." He looked at me, his eyes dancing like oil on the water. "Your wife is in labour!" I screamed at his face. Guess it worked, 'cause he stood still and looked at me blankly.
"What?"
I rolled my eyes and repeated my words, "Ashlee is in labour."
In a matter of seconds we were in the hospital, waiting. All the boys from Ryan Ross to Disashi were there. I was the only girl though. And I couldn't stand it. I was always one of the boys. No exceptions. But sometimes I need a reminder that I'm a girl. I have feelings too.
And I felt the walls surrounding me. I was suffocating. My eyes got blurry, my throat started burning and my stomach was doing backflips. I dashed to the bathroom, emptying everything I had in me. I wanted it out. I'm not that kind of girl. I could never be that kind of girl.
I looked at the face in the mirror, looking back at me.
"You are strong, Victoria. You can do it." I wanted so bad to believe those words. I needed to believe. Cold water felt so good against my burning skin.
I walked back into the waiting room. As soon as my feet reached the room, Pete ran out, smiling.
"It's a boy. I have a baby boy!" He was shaking. I was happy for them, but I couldn't bring myself to smile.
The guys went to congratulate the new parents, but I stayed behind. I couldn't bring myself to face my fears. That could be me any time soon.
"Vic, what's wrong?" came a voice of a worried Travis. I looked at him tears threatening to fall down my eyes. I guess that at the some level he knew what was going on with me. "Victoria you have to tell him. He loves you. He'll understand." He put an arm around my shoulders.
"Are we talking about the same person here?" I smiled through the tears.
"Gabe loves you," he grabbed me by the shoulder, facing me towards him. "Now go."
I took a deep breath and walked towards him. He was sitting alone in one of those plastic chairs, head resting against beige walls. I sat next to him, not saying a word.
"I can't believe Pete's a father," he whispered, looking at me and smiling.
"Gabe, I'm pregnant."
♠ ♠ ♠
Comments would be nice