Restless Heart Syndrome
Overdue, I Love You.
[Jimmy’s P.O.V.]
*Next day. *
Leanne kept her promise to me, and didn't tell her step-dad, or anyone, about what happened. I had checked out of the hospital, and realized I needed to talk to my dad. I needed to avoid the hitting, the screaming, and another hospital trip, and talk to him. I was scared shitless, but it needed it to happen. Leanne dropped me off giving me a big hug for luck. I saw her drive back towards her house. I walked in and my dad was up, sober I think?
"Jimmy, come here." He said to me in a calm, sorry, regretful voice. I sat on another couch close enough where I can talk, but out of arms reach.
"What do you want?" I snarled at him. He looked me in the eye with a tear in his eye.
"I'm sorry." He said getting chocked up.
I sat there almost out of breath, I felt like all my pain on my body was gone. I couldn't believe. I didn't want to believe it. I grew up hating my dad, and I grew up with him hating me, what changed his mind over one night?
"Yeah bull shit you're sorry! You never cared about me! Why now?"
"Listen this will sound crazy, but last night after I did, what ever I did to you, I fell asleep. I had a dream about your mother." He said tearing up.
"Yeah and?" I said not being sympathetic towards him.
"She told me if she was still alive she would kill me, for what I do to you and myself. She said to me 'what's going to happen if you kill him? He's all you have.' When she said that I realized she was right. You're all I have Jimmy...and I'm truly sorry. I can understand if you still want to hate me."
"I don't want to make you hate me, but you make it so hard not to."
"I know, and I'm going to quit drinking, and cocaine, and everything! I swear I'm going to be a better dad." He said sincerely.
I was having a hard time processing this whole thing. I though it was so confusing. Would he really change? Am I finally going to have a parent? I was in shock.
"Okay dad, I'll give you another shot, but as soon as you start using again I'm out FOREVER!"
"That's fine, but I'm going to stay sober, and Jimmy?"
"Yeah?"
"I really am sorry. I mean I've just been missing your mother, and I don't hate you for her death. I am just angry about it, and you're the only person I had to talk about it, or take it out on, which I know isn't right and I'm sorry."
"Its okay dad. I... I forgive you... for everything." I said with a slight tear.
"I love you Jimmy."
"I love you too Dad." I said hugging him. I can't believe I just said 'I love you' to my dad I meant it.
I told my dad about Leanne, and how crazy I was about her. He told me about my mom, and how much fun they had. My dad and I hadn't laughed, and smiled together since I was like 10, which was before the cocaine came into my dad's life.
I was happy about the old dad coming back. I missed the funny, happy, and fun to be around dad I used to have. Most of all I missed the way I saw my dad when I was younger, as my hero, but I don't think I'll see him like that for a long time.
*Next day. *
Leanne kept her promise to me, and didn't tell her step-dad, or anyone, about what happened. I had checked out of the hospital, and realized I needed to talk to my dad. I needed to avoid the hitting, the screaming, and another hospital trip, and talk to him. I was scared shitless, but it needed it to happen. Leanne dropped me off giving me a big hug for luck. I saw her drive back towards her house. I walked in and my dad was up, sober I think?
"Jimmy, come here." He said to me in a calm, sorry, regretful voice. I sat on another couch close enough where I can talk, but out of arms reach.
"What do you want?" I snarled at him. He looked me in the eye with a tear in his eye.
"I'm sorry." He said getting chocked up.
I sat there almost out of breath, I felt like all my pain on my body was gone. I couldn't believe. I didn't want to believe it. I grew up hating my dad, and I grew up with him hating me, what changed his mind over one night?
"Yeah bull shit you're sorry! You never cared about me! Why now?"
"Listen this will sound crazy, but last night after I did, what ever I did to you, I fell asleep. I had a dream about your mother." He said tearing up.
"Yeah and?" I said not being sympathetic towards him.
"She told me if she was still alive she would kill me, for what I do to you and myself. She said to me 'what's going to happen if you kill him? He's all you have.' When she said that I realized she was right. You're all I have Jimmy...and I'm truly sorry. I can understand if you still want to hate me."
"I don't want to make you hate me, but you make it so hard not to."
"I know, and I'm going to quit drinking, and cocaine, and everything! I swear I'm going to be a better dad." He said sincerely.
I was having a hard time processing this whole thing. I though it was so confusing. Would he really change? Am I finally going to have a parent? I was in shock.
"Okay dad, I'll give you another shot, but as soon as you start using again I'm out FOREVER!"
"That's fine, but I'm going to stay sober, and Jimmy?"
"Yeah?"
"I really am sorry. I mean I've just been missing your mother, and I don't hate you for her death. I am just angry about it, and you're the only person I had to talk about it, or take it out on, which I know isn't right and I'm sorry."
"Its okay dad. I... I forgive you... for everything." I said with a slight tear.
"I love you Jimmy."
"I love you too Dad." I said hugging him. I can't believe I just said 'I love you' to my dad I meant it.
I told my dad about Leanne, and how crazy I was about her. He told me about my mom, and how much fun they had. My dad and I hadn't laughed, and smiled together since I was like 10, which was before the cocaine came into my dad's life.
I was happy about the old dad coming back. I missed the funny, happy, and fun to be around dad I used to have. Most of all I missed the way I saw my dad when I was younger, as my hero, but I don't think I'll see him like that for a long time.