Over the Rainbow

“Wait, wait, wait. Hold on a minute,” I said rubbing my temples. This cannot be happening. “This is Oz?”

“Well, duh.” He took off his glasses and leaned against his bike.

“So then,” I looked him up and down, “Where’s Linda?”

“Grandma retired years ago,” he said as he crossed his arms. “Name’s Brian,” he smiled and stuck his hand out.

“Lane,” I took his hand cautiously. “Aren’t their supposed to be munchkins or something?”

I heard whispers from the surrounding area, “Actually, after the uproar twenty years ago, the proper name is Little People. But they still call the land Munchkin land.”

“Uh huh,” I raised an eyebrow at him, then looked around me as more whispers erupted.

“Oh right, she’s cool guys,” he hollered; “Come on out.”

I was shocked by all the little people that scurried out of houses and the surrounding foliage. One went up to Brian and tugged in his pant leg; Brian squatted down o the balls of his feet and rested his elbows on his knees. The little person whispered into Brian’s ear and his eyebrows shot up as his mouth formed an ‘O’ shape.

“No way!” He said excitedly to the little person, standing up straight and walking towards where I landed. Only then did I notice the black and white striped socks and sparkling red hooker shoes.

“Oh no,” I groaned to myself, covering my face with my hand.

“You killed-“

“Yeah sure, I want to go home,” I said, looking Brian dead in the face.

Why does he look so familiar?

“The Wizard of-“

“Oz can help right, send me to-“ I cut off Brian, but was cut off myself by the giant puff of purple smoke that appeared out of no where. “Let me guess, I killed her sister?”

“Close but no,” I looked at Brian with a raised eyebrow. “You killed her cousin. We’re actually relieved, he used to harass the men in town.”

“Wait, he?” Those did not look like men’s shoes.

“Yeah,” he cleared his throat, “He was a drag queen. A really horrible one at that.”

“Of course he was,” I mumbled.

I looked back to the depleting smoke and was a little shocked. She looked really familiar, but I just couldn’t place her. She was wearing some type of metal corset that pushed her boobs way further up than they needed to be. She used the broom she carried to help her walk, I assume it was because her heels were far to tall for her; I bet that itty bitty skirt was a killer to walk in as well.

All in all, she looked like a whore.

“Who killed him?” She screeched, when her eyes landed on me she pointed a highly polished manicured nail and stalked towards me, “You!”

“Sure, why not?” I shrugged.

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” Brian slung his arm around me, I just raised an eyebrow at him.

“The shoes,” she snapped her fingers and ran as best she could to her deceased cousin. She screeched when she tried to grab them, “What?”

“You see, Lane already wears them,” I shook my head at the long girly wand Brian was now using as a pointer. It looked just like the one in the movie.

I couldn’t help but start laughing. But that quickly stopped as I grabbed Brian’s shoulder, trying to keep balance, “Aw, you’re kidding me right?”

“Keep those on and you’ll be safe,” Brian whispered in my ear, never taking his eyes off the witch.

“Give me my shoes!” She screeched in my face.

“You know the rules,” Brian declared.

“I’ll get you my pretty,” she pointed to me, “and your little-“
She blinked when she realized there was no little dog. And then I heard a high pitched yip from Brian’s bike. We all looked over to see a small white dog poking its head out of the leather side pouch.

“Shhh! Pinkly!” Brian suddenly said, I just shook my head.

“Uh huh,” the witch had a raised eyebrow, I just shrugged at her. “Right well, Watch your back Lane. I always get what I want.”

With that, another puff of purple smoke erupted and she disappeared.

“The first person to start singing ends up in the hospital,” I said, glaring at the hooker shoes on my feet. “Do I have to wear these?”

“Well, yeah,” Brian used the long wand to scratch his back before twirling it around his fingers. “Besides, you have great legs, they only emphasize the fact.”

“Oh Jesus,” I mumbled into my hand sighing, I tried to take a step but nearly fell.

“Careful now,” Brian laughed, holding onto my upper arms; I just mumbled a few obscenities before standing straight again. “Okay, you know how to get to Emerald City right?”

“I-” I shook my head, I knew the way… I just suddenly couldn’t remember. “I can’t remember…”

I rubbed my temples, and then it hit me like a ton of bricks.

I couldn’t remember anything.

“That’s okay-“

“No,” my chest tightened and I felt tears well up in my eyes, “I can’t remember anything!”

I sank to the ground and covered my face, trying to regulate my breathing and force myself not to cry.

It didn’t help much.

“Hey,” I felt a comforting arm around my shoulder, “The Wizard can help. Just follow the yellow brick road.”

“Follow the yellow brink road,” I repeated to myself lowly, letting myself be guided by Brian to the center of a swirl.

“Follow the yellow brick road,” Brian confirmed.

“Follow the yellow brick road,” I nodded to little person who spoke next to me.

“Follow the yellow brick road,” a small woman said; I mouthed the words with her.

The town’s people seem to chant it with me as I walked around, gaining more confidence in my mission and quickening my pace. They repeated it with me as I exited the town, even then it was stuck in my head and I chanted it for a long while afterwards.

A long, long while afterwards.

“Ow,” I whined to myself, glaring down at the ruby red hooker shoes on my feet. I think I can honestly say my feet hurt worse than when I was wearing my Louboutin. “Oh no,” I sighed and wanted to cry; the road had split several different directions.

“Which way, which way, which way,” I mumbled to myself, biting my knuckle.

Taking a better look at my surroundings, I noticed it looked like farmland; with the exception of the giant silver domes that littered the areas. I assume they must have been massive because they looked huge from where I was and still looked a good ways off.

“I hear that ways nice,” I spun around, trying to locate who spoke. I only found an odd looking scare crow; I say odd because it did look like a scare crow, but it wasn’t ragged or anything. In fact, it was wearing nice slacks and a button up collard shirt.

“Of course,” I spun around again, my eyes widening at the now smiling scare crow. “I personally prefer that way,” he pointed in a different direction, “there’s a brothel at then end of that road.”

He continued to smile at me as I rubbed my head; “Uh,” I let out a breath, “Do you know the way to Emerald City?”

“Why do you want to go there?” He asked, scratching his neck and yawning.

“I was told the wizard could help me get back home.”

“You’re not from around here are you?” I shook my head no. “The wizard left Oz years ago. No ones heard anything since then.”

That hit me like a ton of bricks. My chest tightened and I bit my lip as I felt my knees weaken. I was in tears by the time I collapsed on the floor.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa now,” I suddenly felt an arm around my shoulder and a hand rubbing my arm comfortingly; not that it helped any. “What’s wrong?”

“The wizard,” I sniffled, trying to hold back my tears, “is the only one who can help me get back home. And on top of that,” I started to cry harder, “I can only remember my name and that I want to get back home!”

“Aw,” he patted my arm, standing me up. “The wizard may have left but he had an apprentice!”

I looked up at him hopefully, “I don’t even know the way.”

“I do, the scare crows of corn valley have been having trouble recently anyway. I owe him a visit,” he smiled at me, I think we just silently agreed that we would travel together as I smiled back. “Jimmy.”

“Delaney,” I shook his hand as we started walking, a light smile on my face, “Call me Lane.”

We smiled at each other, our arms linked as we went down the path Jimmy said leaded to Emerald City.

Maybe the trip wouldn’t be as bad after all.

The company still doesn’t make up for the horrible, murderous shoes, though.