The Young and Lost Club
009
“You are so beautiful.”
I turned to face Brendon, whose face was partially hidden due to the dark, and wrinkled my nose. “Don’t say that,” I mumbled, taking a sip of the wine we were sharing (straight from the bottle because we were classy like that).
Brendon laughed, taking the bottle from me and scooting closer to me. “Why not?”
I shrugged, folding my arms on the metal bar of the fire escape in front of me, looking out into the city lights. “I hate lines,” I said with distaste.
“It’s not a line,” he said, mocking me slightly. “It’s true.”
I smirked slightly and snorted.
“Sooo stubborn,” Brendon said sarcastically, and then his lips pressed on my shoulder, and he kissed up a line to my neck with several slow, deliberate kisses that made my eyes close slightly and I sighed slightly. Then he used his hand to turn my face to his and he kissed me softly on the lips, letting them linger there, until he pulled away with a smile and I smiled back as well, blushing slightly.
We had been sitting outside on my fire escape for the past two hours, just talking and enjoying the evening and being around each other. Deciding we hadn’t had enough to drink, we had also decided to open a bottle of wine (which ended up taking much longer than it should have because we had a brief make-out session up against my kitchen counter), and now we were both in this happy intoxicated state, where we couldn’t keep our hands or eyes off each other.
“Do you think your friends like me?” I asked suddenly. “I mean, I hope they weren’t upset at dinner tonight because we left early.”
“No, they like you,” he said, laying down on the metal floor of the fire escape to look at the stars, and pulling me down with him. I’m sure I was ruining my dress but I didn’t really care. It would have taken an earthquake to break the moment. We both turned to face each other, one of his arms wrapped around my waist loosely, fingers tracing patterns on my lower back lazily.
“Really?” I said. “I feel like Spencer doesn’t or something…I don’t know…I just want them to like me,” I said in a small voice, making Brendon smile at me affectionately.
He shook his head, wrapping his arm tighter around me. “No…if anything they’re just concerned for me.” He then paused and bit on his lip, as if he wasn’t sure what to say after that.
“Concerned?” I pressed.
He was still struggling to find the right way to put it; I could see it in his face, so I waited. “Well…it’s like…have…have you ever been in love?” He said finally, so quietly that if his lips weren’t so close to my ear I wouldn’t have even heard it. I raised my eyebrows, and he misinterpreted it as alarm. “No, no, I don’t mean I’m in love…I mean, I like you, a lot, but not…” He said quickly, sounding slightly panicked.
I laughed, placing my hand on his cheek to calm him down. “No, Bren, I know! It’s just a difficult question is all.”
He sighed in relief. “I know. I’m just curious.”
I was quiet for a moment. “I always thought I was in love, until they broke my heart.” I said finally. “So, I don’t know if it was fake or if it was real.”
To my surprise, Brendon looked at me in wonder. “Exactly,” he breathed.
“What does this have to do with them being concerned?”
He grimaced. “I thought I was in love with my last girlfriend…Katie…but it was like you said. I’m not so sure I really was anymore, she just knew exactly how to wrap me around her finger, over and over again, and I’m stupid and let her.”
I nodded, understanding, I had had my share of boyfriends taking advantage of me, simply because they could.
“She would break up with me, tell me she needed space, and then come back a month later, knowing I’d be missing her, and she’d manage to get me back in less than a day, and I’d tell myself it was different this time, but she’d do it again.”
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, my heart hurting for him because I had been there, I had had that in my life.
“It just makes you feel used, and worthless.” He took a deep shuddering breath. “Anyway, they just don’t want me to get hurt again, you know? So they’re just looking out for me, nothing personal. Also Spencer saw you labeled him as chubbier on your clipboard the day we met, so he might be holding that against you.” He added, trying to make a joke to break the tension that had somehow fallen between us.
My eyes widened. “No he didn’t!” I said, horrified.
“Nah, but I did,” He said, smirking at me. “Meanie.”
“Well…you know I’m a bitch.” I said, as if that settled the matter.
He laughed and we both smiled at each other for a moment. “So,” he said, adjusting himself so we were even closer, barely any space between our bodies. “Who was this boy you thought you were in love with?”
“I don’t really talk about it.” I said automatically, and I saw a flash of annoyance and disappointment go across his face. And for some reason, I hated to see that. He had, after all, told me about this girl, Kate, and it was obviously difficult for him.
“Oh, okay,” he said, starting to shift away from me, but suddenly I lunged out and grabbed his arm, so he couldn’t, and he looked at me, confused.
I cleared my throat. “I’ve had a lot of bad boyfriends,” I said slowly. “But…Oliver.” I looked up at him, pleading for him to understand and amazingly he did, and he instantly softened.
“Oliver.” He repeated.
“Oliver,” I said again. “He’s part of the reason I left Maryland.”
“What did he do?”
“Kind of like what Katie did to you,” I said. “Pushed me around, cheated on me, made me feel worthless, and small, and…just awful.” His grip on my waist tightened. “So I left. I didn’t tell him, never made any indication, I just woke up one morning, packed up all my shit, called Max told him to come along if he wanted and drove to New York.”
“He didn’t try to call or anything?” He asked.
“Maybe, I changed my number.” I shrugged and smiled slightly. “If there is one thing I’m good at, it’s running away so people can’t find me. Sometimes, I just need the solitude. It drives Max crazy.” I said with a slight laugh.
“Well, he cares about you. You two are really close?”
“Yeah, Max is the only family I can count on. What about you? Any brother and sisters?” I did not want to talk about my family. Mentioning Oliver was enough details of my past life then I wanted to share anyway.
“A couple of each, all older.”
“Crazy ass Mormons with your big families,” I said.
He laughed. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I abandoned a lot of the Mormon values a long time ago.”
“And your parents are okay with that?”
He made a face. “Not at first. There were a couple years there where they probably wished I wasn’t born, but in the end they saw I was happy, and they decided that was more important. Even if I am going to hell.”
I laughed, but he didn’t. “Oh come on, Brendon, you don’t really think you’re going to hell because you left home to go be in a band that sings about hookers?”
He did laugh at that, but was serious again. “I don’t know, maybe.” He looked so horribly sad for a moment. “I mean, when your whole family is thinking it…”
I cut him off with a swift kiss, not being able to stand him looking so upset. He looked me in the eyes, surprised. “If you, Brendon Urie, only the nicest, most chivalrous, and sweetest guy I’ve ever dated in my life, is going to hell, then I’m going as well, and I really don’t want to think about it.”
He grinned, an adorable little shy smile. “Well, at least we’ll be able to keep each other company.”
I turned to face Brendon, whose face was partially hidden due to the dark, and wrinkled my nose. “Don’t say that,” I mumbled, taking a sip of the wine we were sharing (straight from the bottle because we were classy like that).
Brendon laughed, taking the bottle from me and scooting closer to me. “Why not?”
I shrugged, folding my arms on the metal bar of the fire escape in front of me, looking out into the city lights. “I hate lines,” I said with distaste.
“It’s not a line,” he said, mocking me slightly. “It’s true.”
I smirked slightly and snorted.
“Sooo stubborn,” Brendon said sarcastically, and then his lips pressed on my shoulder, and he kissed up a line to my neck with several slow, deliberate kisses that made my eyes close slightly and I sighed slightly. Then he used his hand to turn my face to his and he kissed me softly on the lips, letting them linger there, until he pulled away with a smile and I smiled back as well, blushing slightly.
We had been sitting outside on my fire escape for the past two hours, just talking and enjoying the evening and being around each other. Deciding we hadn’t had enough to drink, we had also decided to open a bottle of wine (which ended up taking much longer than it should have because we had a brief make-out session up against my kitchen counter), and now we were both in this happy intoxicated state, where we couldn’t keep our hands or eyes off each other.
“Do you think your friends like me?” I asked suddenly. “I mean, I hope they weren’t upset at dinner tonight because we left early.”
“No, they like you,” he said, laying down on the metal floor of the fire escape to look at the stars, and pulling me down with him. I’m sure I was ruining my dress but I didn’t really care. It would have taken an earthquake to break the moment. We both turned to face each other, one of his arms wrapped around my waist loosely, fingers tracing patterns on my lower back lazily.
“Really?” I said. “I feel like Spencer doesn’t or something…I don’t know…I just want them to like me,” I said in a small voice, making Brendon smile at me affectionately.
He shook his head, wrapping his arm tighter around me. “No…if anything they’re just concerned for me.” He then paused and bit on his lip, as if he wasn’t sure what to say after that.
“Concerned?” I pressed.
He was still struggling to find the right way to put it; I could see it in his face, so I waited. “Well…it’s like…have…have you ever been in love?” He said finally, so quietly that if his lips weren’t so close to my ear I wouldn’t have even heard it. I raised my eyebrows, and he misinterpreted it as alarm. “No, no, I don’t mean I’m in love…I mean, I like you, a lot, but not…” He said quickly, sounding slightly panicked.
I laughed, placing my hand on his cheek to calm him down. “No, Bren, I know! It’s just a difficult question is all.”
He sighed in relief. “I know. I’m just curious.”
I was quiet for a moment. “I always thought I was in love, until they broke my heart.” I said finally. “So, I don’t know if it was fake or if it was real.”
To my surprise, Brendon looked at me in wonder. “Exactly,” he breathed.
“What does this have to do with them being concerned?”
He grimaced. “I thought I was in love with my last girlfriend…Katie…but it was like you said. I’m not so sure I really was anymore, she just knew exactly how to wrap me around her finger, over and over again, and I’m stupid and let her.”
I nodded, understanding, I had had my share of boyfriends taking advantage of me, simply because they could.
“She would break up with me, tell me she needed space, and then come back a month later, knowing I’d be missing her, and she’d manage to get me back in less than a day, and I’d tell myself it was different this time, but she’d do it again.”
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, my heart hurting for him because I had been there, I had had that in my life.
“It just makes you feel used, and worthless.” He took a deep shuddering breath. “Anyway, they just don’t want me to get hurt again, you know? So they’re just looking out for me, nothing personal. Also Spencer saw you labeled him as chubbier on your clipboard the day we met, so he might be holding that against you.” He added, trying to make a joke to break the tension that had somehow fallen between us.
My eyes widened. “No he didn’t!” I said, horrified.
“Nah, but I did,” He said, smirking at me. “Meanie.”
“Well…you know I’m a bitch.” I said, as if that settled the matter.
He laughed and we both smiled at each other for a moment. “So,” he said, adjusting himself so we were even closer, barely any space between our bodies. “Who was this boy you thought you were in love with?”
“I don’t really talk about it.” I said automatically, and I saw a flash of annoyance and disappointment go across his face. And for some reason, I hated to see that. He had, after all, told me about this girl, Kate, and it was obviously difficult for him.
“Oh, okay,” he said, starting to shift away from me, but suddenly I lunged out and grabbed his arm, so he couldn’t, and he looked at me, confused.
I cleared my throat. “I’ve had a lot of bad boyfriends,” I said slowly. “But…Oliver.” I looked up at him, pleading for him to understand and amazingly he did, and he instantly softened.
“Oliver.” He repeated.
“Oliver,” I said again. “He’s part of the reason I left Maryland.”
“What did he do?”
“Kind of like what Katie did to you,” I said. “Pushed me around, cheated on me, made me feel worthless, and small, and…just awful.” His grip on my waist tightened. “So I left. I didn’t tell him, never made any indication, I just woke up one morning, packed up all my shit, called Max told him to come along if he wanted and drove to New York.”
“He didn’t try to call or anything?” He asked.
“Maybe, I changed my number.” I shrugged and smiled slightly. “If there is one thing I’m good at, it’s running away so people can’t find me. Sometimes, I just need the solitude. It drives Max crazy.” I said with a slight laugh.
“Well, he cares about you. You two are really close?”
“Yeah, Max is the only family I can count on. What about you? Any brother and sisters?” I did not want to talk about my family. Mentioning Oliver was enough details of my past life then I wanted to share anyway.
“A couple of each, all older.”
“Crazy ass Mormons with your big families,” I said.
He laughed. “Yeah, I’m pretty sure I abandoned a lot of the Mormon values a long time ago.”
“And your parents are okay with that?”
He made a face. “Not at first. There were a couple years there where they probably wished I wasn’t born, but in the end they saw I was happy, and they decided that was more important. Even if I am going to hell.”
I laughed, but he didn’t. “Oh come on, Brendon, you don’t really think you’re going to hell because you left home to go be in a band that sings about hookers?”
He did laugh at that, but was serious again. “I don’t know, maybe.” He looked so horribly sad for a moment. “I mean, when your whole family is thinking it…”
I cut him off with a swift kiss, not being able to stand him looking so upset. He looked me in the eyes, surprised. “If you, Brendon Urie, only the nicest, most chivalrous, and sweetest guy I’ve ever dated in my life, is going to hell, then I’m going as well, and I really don’t want to think about it.”
He grinned, an adorable little shy smile. “Well, at least we’ll be able to keep each other company.”
♠ ♠ ♠
Okay, I just wrote this today, because I felt like I needed a transition between last chapter and the next chapter of this several part flashback (hence, it is short) and I kind of think this is total crap.BUT
Today is my birthday (19!! AHH!), and as a gift for me, you should give me lots and lots of comments (that means you Ms.SilentReaderOverThere) and in return, I will post the next chapter tonight or tomorrow.I say that's pretty fair.
Love,
Sophie