The Young and Lost Club
015
It’s funny how the things you dread the most tend to make time speed up, and suddenly, you are face to face with it before you decide how to react.
Brendon woke me up bright and early the morning he was leaving. He had tried to slip out of my bed discreetly, but I hadn’t really slept all night (albeit, we had gone to bed rather late to begin with). I kept my eyes closed tightly, as he padded quietly to my bathroom and started his shower, and childishly hoped that this was all a dream, that I mistaken the date or something. Or anything. Anything to make this not be the day he was leaving me. The day I was subconsciously dreading since I’d met him.
I sighed, rolling over onto my back, staring at my ceiling, feeling the oddest mix of emotions wash over me: sadness, bitterness, but most of all, and the most overwhelming was fear. Fear that this was the beginning of the end. Fear that somewhere along the highways he would soon be traveling, he’d forget about me, or even worse, decide I wasn’t worth the effort. The boys of my youth had decided this before, why should Brendon be different? I had said I would trust him, and I knew I had to now; I was far too invested to pretend that he had no effect over me.
I felt the panic rise in my throat as I thought of Brendon and the fan girls that would soon be all over him, a beautiful blonde, perhaps, and really, how could any guy resist that?
“Lark?” Brendon’s voice cut through my thoughts.
I didn’t open my eyes. “Yes?”
I felt the weight shift on my bed as he sat down next to me, and then bend down and kiss me ever so gently on the forehead, and then my cheeks, then my nose, and then finally on my lips. My heart gave a painful stab as he did so. He hadn’t even left yet and it already hurt. I was an idiot.
“Wake up, kid,” he said softly, I could feel his warm breath on my lips.
I opened my eyes. He was so beautiful, and kind, and sweet. The longer I looked at him, I felt half of myself screaming to run, the other half telling me to never let him leave.
“I’m scared too you know,” he said, so softly I could have sworn I had made it up. “I don’t want to leave either.”
I sat up, and we both sat facing each other. He looked so sad and vulnerable; I didn’t know how to comfort him. “Brendon,” I said softly, tucking some of his damp hair behind his ear, and kissing the spot just below. He shivered slightly, and took my hands.
“I just…” he said, looking down at our clasped hands. “I was so excited to go on this tour. A whole month in New York seemed so pointless…but now I don’t want to leave. I think,” he laughed dryly. “I think New York might be my new favorite city.”
And me, being me, I tried to make a joke, because his words were so overwhelming. Whatever he was confessing for me was overwhelming. “New York will still be here when you get back,” I teased.
“Yes, but will you?” He asked, looking me dead in the eye. That’s when I realized, at that exact moment, that Brendon was just as vulnerable, and scared, and clueless as I was.
He was much better at covering it up, but it was there, plain as day. I couldn’t believe I’d never seen it before, but I had been so caught up in my own insecurities I hadn’t taken the time to see Brendon and I had them in common.
For some reason, this comforted me, and I felt a majority of my fear melt away. It once again came down to trust, and I had to trust Brendon. I had to trust that we both would give and take. I had to trust that if we both wanted this, we could have it. “Brendon,” I said firmly. “I am not going anywhere.”
“Promise?”
“Cross my heart.”
I saw a flicker of a smile on his face, but he still had that awful look on his face. I leaned over to him and kissed him hard. “We are going to be fine. We are going to make this work.” I said as confidently as I could.
“Okay,” he said, nodding his head. “Okay.” He leaned into me, his head nestled into the crook between my neck and shoulder, pressing his lips onto my collarbone.
I was going to miss this.
|||
The airport was busy as always, and Brendon and I were the last ones to arrive, meeting Jon, Spencer and Ryan at the airport, along with a tall, tough looking guy I’d never seen before. Brendon smiled as he looked at the group, grabbing my hand so I wouldn’t get lost in the crowd, and they all waved as we made our way over to them.
“Zack!” Brendon cried, giving the tough looking guy a quick hug, which he returned. “Zack is our body guard,” Brendon explained, smiling down at me. “Zack, this is my girlfriend Clark Abrams.” The statement surprised me: we had never used the “girlfriend/boyfriend” terms before, there had never really been a need. I bit back a small smile as I shook Zack’s hand.
“So you’re the girl he never stops talking about,” Zack said, as he released my hand.
“Shut up, man.” Brendon laughed and I rolled my eyes.
“It’s true, Clark,” Ryan said. “When he’s not with you he talks about you non-stop.”
“Well then you all should have a fun tour,” I said sarcastically making them all laugh as Brendon pouted.
“We should probably get going,” Zack said, looking down at his watch. “You all got here kind of late.”
Brendon and I both exchanged a glance and bit back a grin.
“Gross,” Jon said. “That’s just gross you guys.”
“Just cause you don’t have a girlfriend Jon, doesn’t make it gross!” Brendon shot back at him.
“Oh shut up, Bren, we were late because we couldn’t find half of Brendon’s hair products,” I informed the rest of them.
“It was a hairbrush.” Brendon said, frowning at me.
“And a hair straightener,” I corrected him. “And a can of mousse, and your toothbrush…”
“You’re mean,” Brendon said, sticking his tongue out at me.
“Crybaby,” I countered.
“Jerk.”
“Are they always like this?” Zack asked.
“Always.” Ryan said, with a small sigh.
“Lovely,” Zack said, and then looked down at his watch again. “We really do need to get a move on. He held out his hand to me again and shook it. “It was nice to meet you. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you again soon.”
So did I. I merely smiled and shook his extended hand. Spencer smiled at me, he still didn’t like me very much, and I don’t think there would ever be a way to change that. He was just too protective of Brendon. It was sweet, but it also irritated me in a way. We acted polite though, shook each other’s hands and said we’d see each other soon, and he went off to follow Zack in the security line.
The next two were harder. In a short amount of time, both Ryan and Jon had accepted me and embraced me with open arms. As hard as it was to imagine life without Brendon, it was even harder to imagine life without Brendon, Ryan and Jon. Jon, as if reading my thoughts, swooped down and gave me a huge bear hug, practically lifting me off the ground. “Oh little munchkin,” he said, putting me back on my feet, and smiling broadly at my glare. He knew I hated him mocking my shortness. “I will miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too, Jon,” I said.
“You come and visit, you promise me. Promise me or I’ll get angry.” He said, putting on a serious face.
I held up my hand. “Scout’s honor, Jon.”
He beamed at me, and gave me another hug. “Then I’ll see you soon!”
Ryan rolled his eyes at Jon, and then gave me a quick hug. “It’s been great hanging out with you, Clark,” he said, smiling slightly. “Thanks for everything.”
By this point, I didn’t think I had it in me to even open my mouth, or I’d start crying. I nodded quickly, and gave him a quick hug again. “Go on,” I managed to squeak out. “You’ll miss your flight.”
“We’ll meet you at the gate, Bren,” Ryan said, grabbing Jon’s shoulder and pulling him away from us.
“We’ll call you!” Jon yelled at me. “All the time!”
I laughed, but it sounded more like a sob, and waved half heartedly to them. And then they turned a corner and were gone.
“Come here,” Brendon said quietly, and wrapped his arms around me as I started crying into his chest.
“I’m going to miss you so much,” I bawled. “So, so much.”
His arms tightened around me. “I’m going to miss you too. Please don’t cry, kid, please don’t.”
“I’m not,” I lied.
He laughed slightly. “Good, cause it’s not worth it.”
I sighed and pulled away from him, trying to wipe my tears away.
“I’ll call you every day, we’ll find time to have you come visit, it’ll fly by before you know it.” It sounded like he was trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince me.
“I know,” I said, still fighting tears.
He cupped my face in his hands, holding it like it was incredibly delicate, and kissed me.
It was a perfect and sweet kiss, and he pulled away before I wanted him too. “I’ll see you soon,” he said, and kissing me once more, he shifted his bag on his shoulder and walked away, pausing to wave to me before he disappeared around the corner.
And just like that, I was alone again.
|||
The guys took me out to my favorite restaurant that night to try and cheer me up. I looked awful, and it had taken all the patience Taylor had to make me get up out of my bed (which I had crawled back into once I got home from the airport to cry in peace), and so there was no way in hell I was going to dress up for dinner.
My makeup, well rather whatever makeup that I hadn’t cried off, was crusted to my face, and was blotchy and red, as were my eyes, and our waiter kept looking at me in concern and gave me free dessert.
“So what now?” Taylor asked, his arm around me in a permanent hug.
I glanced at the three guys over the rim of my coffee cup. I took a deep breath. “I think…I think it’s time we get signed. It’s time to take this band somewhere.”
There was silence.
“I mean,” I continued, putting down my mug, and speaking clearly. “What are we waiting for? We can’t sit around and wait for the perfect offer to fall in our lap. We all want this so…let’s make it happen.” The truth was, I needed some sort of distraction in my life, now that Brendon wasn’t here. And I was sick of waiting. I wanted to be out there, making music, selling albums, creating fans. I wanted it so bad, and it was like Brendon had told me: yes it was terrifying, but in the end, you had to cross your fingers and hope that your dreams would become reality.
Max looked at Brian, and then at Taylor, and then at me, a smile growing on his face. “Alright,” he said. “Let’s make this happen.”
Brendon woke me up bright and early the morning he was leaving. He had tried to slip out of my bed discreetly, but I hadn’t really slept all night (albeit, we had gone to bed rather late to begin with). I kept my eyes closed tightly, as he padded quietly to my bathroom and started his shower, and childishly hoped that this was all a dream, that I mistaken the date or something. Or anything. Anything to make this not be the day he was leaving me. The day I was subconsciously dreading since I’d met him.
I sighed, rolling over onto my back, staring at my ceiling, feeling the oddest mix of emotions wash over me: sadness, bitterness, but most of all, and the most overwhelming was fear. Fear that this was the beginning of the end. Fear that somewhere along the highways he would soon be traveling, he’d forget about me, or even worse, decide I wasn’t worth the effort. The boys of my youth had decided this before, why should Brendon be different? I had said I would trust him, and I knew I had to now; I was far too invested to pretend that he had no effect over me.
I felt the panic rise in my throat as I thought of Brendon and the fan girls that would soon be all over him, a beautiful blonde, perhaps, and really, how could any guy resist that?
“Lark?” Brendon’s voice cut through my thoughts.
I didn’t open my eyes. “Yes?”
I felt the weight shift on my bed as he sat down next to me, and then bend down and kiss me ever so gently on the forehead, and then my cheeks, then my nose, and then finally on my lips. My heart gave a painful stab as he did so. He hadn’t even left yet and it already hurt. I was an idiot.
“Wake up, kid,” he said softly, I could feel his warm breath on my lips.
I opened my eyes. He was so beautiful, and kind, and sweet. The longer I looked at him, I felt half of myself screaming to run, the other half telling me to never let him leave.
“I’m scared too you know,” he said, so softly I could have sworn I had made it up. “I don’t want to leave either.”
I sat up, and we both sat facing each other. He looked so sad and vulnerable; I didn’t know how to comfort him. “Brendon,” I said softly, tucking some of his damp hair behind his ear, and kissing the spot just below. He shivered slightly, and took my hands.
“I just…” he said, looking down at our clasped hands. “I was so excited to go on this tour. A whole month in New York seemed so pointless…but now I don’t want to leave. I think,” he laughed dryly. “I think New York might be my new favorite city.”
And me, being me, I tried to make a joke, because his words were so overwhelming. Whatever he was confessing for me was overwhelming. “New York will still be here when you get back,” I teased.
“Yes, but will you?” He asked, looking me dead in the eye. That’s when I realized, at that exact moment, that Brendon was just as vulnerable, and scared, and clueless as I was.
He was much better at covering it up, but it was there, plain as day. I couldn’t believe I’d never seen it before, but I had been so caught up in my own insecurities I hadn’t taken the time to see Brendon and I had them in common.
For some reason, this comforted me, and I felt a majority of my fear melt away. It once again came down to trust, and I had to trust Brendon. I had to trust that we both would give and take. I had to trust that if we both wanted this, we could have it. “Brendon,” I said firmly. “I am not going anywhere.”
“Promise?”
“Cross my heart.”
I saw a flicker of a smile on his face, but he still had that awful look on his face. I leaned over to him and kissed him hard. “We are going to be fine. We are going to make this work.” I said as confidently as I could.
“Okay,” he said, nodding his head. “Okay.” He leaned into me, his head nestled into the crook between my neck and shoulder, pressing his lips onto my collarbone.
I was going to miss this.
|||
The airport was busy as always, and Brendon and I were the last ones to arrive, meeting Jon, Spencer and Ryan at the airport, along with a tall, tough looking guy I’d never seen before. Brendon smiled as he looked at the group, grabbing my hand so I wouldn’t get lost in the crowd, and they all waved as we made our way over to them.
“Zack!” Brendon cried, giving the tough looking guy a quick hug, which he returned. “Zack is our body guard,” Brendon explained, smiling down at me. “Zack, this is my girlfriend Clark Abrams.” The statement surprised me: we had never used the “girlfriend/boyfriend” terms before, there had never really been a need. I bit back a small smile as I shook Zack’s hand.
“So you’re the girl he never stops talking about,” Zack said, as he released my hand.
“Shut up, man.” Brendon laughed and I rolled my eyes.
“It’s true, Clark,” Ryan said. “When he’s not with you he talks about you non-stop.”
“Well then you all should have a fun tour,” I said sarcastically making them all laugh as Brendon pouted.
“We should probably get going,” Zack said, looking down at his watch. “You all got here kind of late.”
Brendon and I both exchanged a glance and bit back a grin.
“Gross,” Jon said. “That’s just gross you guys.”
“Just cause you don’t have a girlfriend Jon, doesn’t make it gross!” Brendon shot back at him.
“Oh shut up, Bren, we were late because we couldn’t find half of Brendon’s hair products,” I informed the rest of them.
“It was a hairbrush.” Brendon said, frowning at me.
“And a hair straightener,” I corrected him. “And a can of mousse, and your toothbrush…”
“You’re mean,” Brendon said, sticking his tongue out at me.
“Crybaby,” I countered.
“Jerk.”
“Are they always like this?” Zack asked.
“Always.” Ryan said, with a small sigh.
“Lovely,” Zack said, and then looked down at his watch again. “We really do need to get a move on. He held out his hand to me again and shook it. “It was nice to meet you. I’m sure I’ll be seeing you again soon.”
So did I. I merely smiled and shook his extended hand. Spencer smiled at me, he still didn’t like me very much, and I don’t think there would ever be a way to change that. He was just too protective of Brendon. It was sweet, but it also irritated me in a way. We acted polite though, shook each other’s hands and said we’d see each other soon, and he went off to follow Zack in the security line.
The next two were harder. In a short amount of time, both Ryan and Jon had accepted me and embraced me with open arms. As hard as it was to imagine life without Brendon, it was even harder to imagine life without Brendon, Ryan and Jon. Jon, as if reading my thoughts, swooped down and gave me a huge bear hug, practically lifting me off the ground. “Oh little munchkin,” he said, putting me back on my feet, and smiling broadly at my glare. He knew I hated him mocking my shortness. “I will miss you.”
“I’ll miss you too, Jon,” I said.
“You come and visit, you promise me. Promise me or I’ll get angry.” He said, putting on a serious face.
I held up my hand. “Scout’s honor, Jon.”
He beamed at me, and gave me another hug. “Then I’ll see you soon!”
Ryan rolled his eyes at Jon, and then gave me a quick hug. “It’s been great hanging out with you, Clark,” he said, smiling slightly. “Thanks for everything.”
By this point, I didn’t think I had it in me to even open my mouth, or I’d start crying. I nodded quickly, and gave him a quick hug again. “Go on,” I managed to squeak out. “You’ll miss your flight.”
“We’ll meet you at the gate, Bren,” Ryan said, grabbing Jon’s shoulder and pulling him away from us.
“We’ll call you!” Jon yelled at me. “All the time!”
I laughed, but it sounded more like a sob, and waved half heartedly to them. And then they turned a corner and were gone.
“Come here,” Brendon said quietly, and wrapped his arms around me as I started crying into his chest.
“I’m going to miss you so much,” I bawled. “So, so much.”
His arms tightened around me. “I’m going to miss you too. Please don’t cry, kid, please don’t.”
“I’m not,” I lied.
He laughed slightly. “Good, cause it’s not worth it.”
I sighed and pulled away from him, trying to wipe my tears away.
“I’ll call you every day, we’ll find time to have you come visit, it’ll fly by before you know it.” It sounded like he was trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince me.
“I know,” I said, still fighting tears.
He cupped my face in his hands, holding it like it was incredibly delicate, and kissed me.
It was a perfect and sweet kiss, and he pulled away before I wanted him too. “I’ll see you soon,” he said, and kissing me once more, he shifted his bag on his shoulder and walked away, pausing to wave to me before he disappeared around the corner.
And just like that, I was alone again.
|||
The guys took me out to my favorite restaurant that night to try and cheer me up. I looked awful, and it had taken all the patience Taylor had to make me get up out of my bed (which I had crawled back into once I got home from the airport to cry in peace), and so there was no way in hell I was going to dress up for dinner.
My makeup, well rather whatever makeup that I hadn’t cried off, was crusted to my face, and was blotchy and red, as were my eyes, and our waiter kept looking at me in concern and gave me free dessert.
“So what now?” Taylor asked, his arm around me in a permanent hug.
I glanced at the three guys over the rim of my coffee cup. I took a deep breath. “I think…I think it’s time we get signed. It’s time to take this band somewhere.”
There was silence.
“I mean,” I continued, putting down my mug, and speaking clearly. “What are we waiting for? We can’t sit around and wait for the perfect offer to fall in our lap. We all want this so…let’s make it happen.” The truth was, I needed some sort of distraction in my life, now that Brendon wasn’t here. And I was sick of waiting. I wanted to be out there, making music, selling albums, creating fans. I wanted it so bad, and it was like Brendon had told me: yes it was terrifying, but in the end, you had to cross your fingers and hope that your dreams would become reality.
Max looked at Brian, and then at Taylor, and then at me, a smile growing on his face. “Alright,” he said. “Let’s make this happen.”
♠ ♠ ♠
This chapter has been such a pain in the butt, I think I've re-written it about 5 times and I really can't deal with it anymore.I'm sorry if it's awful, I'll probably come back and edit it shortly, I just wanted it done today. And look! 3 minutes to spare : )
Comments would be lovely.
You all are the best readers, seriously. You make me all so happy.