Say Your Prayers, You're Really Gonna Need Them.

★ ★ ★ - Indicates point of view change.

-

But of course, me being me I reacted badly to Harlan’s honesty, as soon as I could function again I walked off from him and headed for the bar, downing drink after drink until I could barely see straight.

The warm of the alcohol scorching my inner core as it slipped down, and it was like I was almost away from my body a while; unaware of what on earth my outer shell was doing...

which didn’t look good and I, could just think.

I told him, told him I couldn’t handle things well... I had wanted to remain naive and just get on with impending bore of my everyday life but he had to push it, had to make me take in too much and now I was pushing the self destruct button the way I always did once the ball had been set in motion.

I laughed despite myself.
Hello I'm Ruse, a freak.

★★★

I must admit, I was a little shocked.
I didn’t expect Ruse to react in the way she did, and now I'm sitting on a bench nursing a warm corona watching her drink herself into oblivion.

Although she carried herself well I could smell the alcohol radiating off her... even more so than half the winos in the pub.

She just stayed perfectly quiet gazing off into the sky; maybe I was a little too forward? God knows she’s had a lot to take in the past few days...weeks, whatever.
I was completely wrapped up in thought myself, when Ruse’s friend Ellen stopped in front of me, rousing me completely from the solitude of my own mind.

“Listen I’ve just had a call from my mum and have to leave, I’ve tried explaining this to Ruse but she can’t seem to comprehend anything I'm saying and has no intentions of leaving with me, could you perhaps get her home? Or put her in a cab... just make sure she’s safe... I'm worried about her.”
Ellen explained, with a pleading look in her eyes; like a mother who didn’t know what else to try when her children were running amuck.

I nodded understandingly, “Of course.” I replied, before lighting a cigarette, standing up and making my way over Ruse, who right at this moment in time was staring blankly at a smarmy boy who was attempting to initiate a conversation with her.

I stood next to him, “Beat it.” I growled and he just looked at me shocked before walking off, muttering angrily to himself.

I sat myself down next to Ruse, who hadn’t even acknowledged me yet.

“Are you ok?” I whispered in her ear. At first she didn’t reply, just continued to look straight ahead but then she gave a small nod.

I took this as queue to lay her down; head on my lap, pale blonde hair strung messily over my legs and I began gently tracing lines on the top of her spine, which she responded to with a shiver.

I don’t know how long we with stayed like that, but after a while or so I became aware that the pub’s cliental had began to radically disperse.

I stood Ruse up with me, supporting her weight because by now her state was seriously incoherent and I walked her to the closest cab.

After strapping her in, I climbed in myself and told the driver where to go.

★★★

The first thing I noticed when I woke up was the awful nausea tugging in my stomach, followed by the realization of where I was.

I was in Harlan’s bed... again.

And I couldn’t remember the proceedings of the evening that had led me to be there, I couldn’t remember anything past buying more drinks.

I sat up, apparently a little too fast as I was gripped by vertigo and began to seriously spin out.
“Urgh” I moaned, before dragging myself out of the bed to lurch swiftly towards the bathroom.

It wasn’t long after I leant over the bowl of the toilet before I began aggressively spewing.
The alcohol stung my throat and made a stream of tears leak from my eyes.

Once I finished I placed my forehead on the toilet seat, not the most hygienic but the idea of moving now made me feel nauseous again.

I flushed the chain and slowly leant myself back; deciding that I should join an AA meeting.
This thought made me laugh a little, and once I found strength I stood carefully.
Resting my hands against the basin I stared at myself in the mirror, something was wrong with me... there had to be.

I shook my head; a result of my own self pity before letting myself out of the bathroom.
I braced the stairs and saw Harlan sitting at the kitchen table; he met my gaze instantly in a stare so intense that it made me stop dead in my tracks momentarily.

I straightened my back reflexively, before walking and sitting myself down across the table from him.