Say Your Prayers, You're Really Gonna Need Them.

★ ★ ★ - Indicates point of view change.

-

Thursday draped on with a slow but steady pace, as usual I spent most of it in a daze until I got to work.

Today Coffee Thrillers back in full swing with business as usual, booming and incessant.
And with no other murder reports people had slowly began to file back into their daily routines, as I served re-fill after re-fill, I couldn't help but think how laugh out loud funny it was the way if people didn’t want to think about something, they just wouldn’t.

They would push it to the back of their minds because they didn’t think it necessary to worry unless a problem truly arises so close to home that it is literally buried up their nostrils.

But it was human nature to act so busy that you can forget and it wasn't long before even I fell victim to the evil machine that was denial, as I was swamped with things to do and orders to fill.

It wasn't until I was having my late night break, just before closing that I had more than two seconds alone with the steady thrum of my brain in thought.

And just as I was enjoying the solitude I noticed Hannah, my serving partner for my shift approach me.

I was a little shocked; Hannah didn’t make much effort to ever befriend me, which was unusual because I'm pretty easy to get along with most of the time.

But never the less I had always thought that she would come around as and when she wanted to, and that as long as we were friendly enough to get along at work that it suited me fine.

I was about to smile when I saw her pale blue eyes narrow in my direction, now I may be easy enough to get along with, but look at me like shit and my back will instantly go up.

“Anything I can help you with Hannah?” I asked warily, leaning against the wall and taking a drag of my cigarette.

“Just one thing actually, Ruse.” She replied icily, pushing her faded dyed red hair out of her face with a scowl; she looked thinner than normal, if possible, to the point that she almost looked ill.

“Shoot.” I nodded, with fake nonchalance but all the while eyeing her suspiciously.
She smiled tightly, “What the fuck, have you said to Adam?” she replied, with a vicious looking glare.

I raised an eye brow slowly; I was too tired for this bullshit.
I almost laughed, seeing that this was such a spectacularly rubbish day to begin with, this would be the cherry on top.

“Care to elaborate?” I asked, stepping forward a little bit.

“Adam and I have been getting on brilliantly, then all of sudden at last night’s shift all he could talk about was you and I would like to know what the hell is up with that.” She practically shouted.

I took a deep breath, keeping my eyes directly on hers.

“There is nothing up with that, but it seems unlike you I can keep my professional and personal life separate. The only thing I can think of is that maybe you and Adam having been getting along as well as you think, but it’s not like I need to justify myself to you anyway, chances are Adams watched Fatal Attraction and has managed to spot you out as some sort of bunny boiling freak.” I growled.

Hannah narrowed her eyes to no bigger than slits, “You...” she began, but I cut her off by holding my hand up.

“I am in a relationship, I am just friends with Adam and I don’t need any of your shit Hannah,
so get the fuck out of my way because I have a job to attend to and last time I checked so did you, which you probably should be doing as opposed to throwing wild accusations about when you clearly haven’t got a clue what you’re even talking about.” I shouted, before flicking my cigarette butt away and sidestepping a slack jawed Hannah, finally at a loss for words.

Technically I was only half lying, I was in a relationship... of sorts... it just wasn't the normal type.

But I would have said just about anything to get Hannah off my back, it's not the type of thing I need at this point in time.

When I returned to the counter Joelle was the first to ask me if I was ok, which I nodded to with mock care free shrug and when Hannah returned a few minutes later, she was sullen and wouldn’t look me in the eye.

As nasty as it sounded I was glad she felt stupid, because what she was accusing me of was.
I had no interest in Adam, he was just a co-worker and at a push, a friend.

Wires has obviously become crossed somewhere along the lines, but I was not willing to become involved, and I certainly wasn't going to be anyone’s scapegoat.

It isn’t like I'm above insecurities, I'm just laden enough with my own to be dragged down into more, especially those which are trivial, or shouldn’t even involve me and belonged in the playground.

I would attempt to make up with Hannah as and when she calmed down, but right now I had my own shit to worry about, and right now it was in the form of a queue of customers who were caffeine deprived.

That night at home in bed, I lay staring into the dark.

I couldn't help but wonder why it was that my life was seeming to spiral, from the outside looking in it would appear it was all normal, and the past month it seemed it was.

Harlan was gone and slowly but surely my life was returning to how it was or had been a few months prior, so why was it that I felt like I was missing something?

Blindly ambling through in denial and that was something just around the corner that I just wasn't foreseeing?

Tossing and turning I tried in vain to fall asleep, fall into anything that wasn't worry.

But that was something else I couldn't control, and it wasn't short after I closed my eyes that I was somewhere else.

-

Living in England, it was a rare occurrence that snow ever fell.

When it did, it failed to exceed expectations, snowflakes so flimsy that they only ever melted away onto the floor instead of building up and creating that white wonderland you’d always wanted to be a part of as a child.

And yet here I was, in what I could only explain as a forest, with bare branches and little shoots of green pointing out of the white carpet.

It wasn't nearly as cold as I expected, I was only clothed in a dress, with a small jacket and wasn't even shivering.

I didn’t know where to go, everywhere looked the same, but never the less I began to walk slowly, the snow crunching under my feet.

Have you ever felt like you weren’t as alone as you originally thought? I have, I have that right now.

But it's as almost as though I'm high, beyond caring and too magically wrapped in this enchanting snowfall.

But I am lonely; there isn’t much point if you can’t enjoy this with someone else.

At first I was so busy feeling inept that I hadn’t noticed the small figure in front of me.

I frowned; surely a child shouldn’t be out here alone? He must have only been around three years old, with long wavy pale brown hair and the biggest green eyes I’d ever seen.

I bent down cautiously in front of him, and he looked at me shyly before putting his hands up to his eyes to cover them.

“Hello sweetheart.” I whispered, trying to be as un-scary as I possibly could.

He didn’t reply, only parted his chubby fingers to peak out at my face, he was playing a game.

I smiled at him, and he returned it coyly, “Where’s your mummy or daddy?” I asked with a frown, knowing I couldn't leave him here in the cold.

I pulled off my jacket, before wrapping it carefully around him, he still hadn’t spoken and I was beginning to think that he either couldn't talk or was too shy.

“Shall we look for them together?” I whispered, causing him to remove his hands and give a small nod.

He took my hand without any prompting and stood, I noticed that he was unbelievably tiny and I had to re-adjust my jacket on him so that it wasn't dragging over the floor.

We walked slowly along, neither of us saying a word just peering around at the sparkling scenery in a comfortable silence.

“Do you...” I began, before an ear splitting screech sounded off to our left, deep into the snowy woods.

He yanked his hand back quickly and I watched as his face contorted in horror, eyes wide and tear filled before he turned and ran, his little legs carrying him clumsily back to where we had just come from.

I looked back to the direction of the noise, but the panorama was still the same, unspoiled.

“Oh, come back!” I called sadly, before chasing after him as quick as I could, he may have been small but never the less he was fast and it wasn't long before I watched him disappear, turning a corner and vanishing from sight.

I looked around in despair; this little boy had been so spooked that he had ran away from me.

Turning around slowly, I realized this wonderland may not be so wonderful after all.
At first I wasn't aware of the person behind me; I was so busy being worried about the little boy that I had failed to realize.

“You shouldn’t go after him.” The man’s voice said softly, causing me to spin around so fast my head almost spun.

“What? Of course I should, he’s only a child.” I spat.

The man laughed, his hazel eyes crinkling like I’d told the funniest joke he’d ever had the pleasure of hearing.

“You’re right he is a child, but not just... he’s bait.”

I frowned, “What are you talking about?”

“The little boy is bait for people like you, people who will care about him enough to follow him.”

I cocked my head to one side; this man just wasn't making any sense and he was giving me a headache.

“I don’t understand, who is he baiting for?”

“The hungry.”

“The hungry?”I repeated dumb founded.

The man nodded, leaning back on to a tree and fixing me a bored stare.

“But he was frightened, he ran away from me... surely if he was trying to lure me somewhere, he wouldn’t just run off so I couldn't find him... something scared him away.” I frowned.

The man didn’t say anything else, he began to walk over to my direction but instead of stopping in front he walked behind me, I turned to follow his lead but he kept my head firmly in place with an icy cold grip to my shoulder, his fingers keeping my head from seeing his face.

“The problem with this place, as beautiful as it may be... everyone is after the same thing, plagued with the same problems... he was baiting you, yes.

Because he thought no one else had found you, but they had and they made sure he stayed away, he may be a baby, but even he is smart enough to not try and disobey pecking order.” He whispered.

“I’m not following.” I shivered.

But as opposed to actually explain in a way I could comprehend, the man continued like I had never spoke at all.

“He would be killed, they all would, it isn’t worth it... even if they never feed again for weeks, so they will wait.”

“What was the noise that scared him? What was it?” I asked.

The man laughed, it was jovial sounding but never the less dripped with an edge.

“It's not so much a what, as opposed to who... the little boy was running from me.” He said, just as the boy came back out, watching from a distance at our exchange, but even from where I stood I could see in his eyes, the fascination mixed with something that looked like sorrow.

The man was suddenly very close to my ear, he chuckled gently.

“A child’s curiosity... can’t ever knock it. But he’s upset, you know? Even he hates the fact that someone who can show him such kindness must be treated in a vile way.”

I didn’t respond, I just kept my stare on the little boy... his green eyes were filling up with tears, he was clutching my jacket to his face, but his gaze never broke my own.

“He’s crying for you, never before has he appeared to care so much.” The man whispered.

“Whatever you’re planning to do, don’t do it in front of him.” I replied back, my tone just as quiet.

“He’s seen it all before.”

“I don’t care, one thing... I'm asking you to do one thing, be reasonable.” I replied harshly, breaking my gaze with the boy to look up at the man behind me.

His jet black hair was peppered with snow; he was beautiful, but evil in the upmost fashion.

“Fine... wave, it’s the last chance you’ll ever get.” He replied, and looking back at the little boy, he was now sitting on the floor, crying so hard his whole body shook with sobs.

The sight made me want to do the same, not for me but for him, he shouldn’t have to cry like that, no matter how much evil he was accustomed to, he was still just a small child.

I raised my hand to wave, but he didn’t return it, instead he hid his face in my jacket just like he had done before in his hands.

There was an understanding there between us, we both knew I wouldn’t see him again.

And even when I was lifted off my feet and carried away, I could only think of that understanding, even when I was far from sight and being ripped of my life with frightening voraciousness and brutality, I held on to it.

I was taking it to the grave.