The Pond.

She sighed and sat up in her bed. The only light in the room coming through the curtains from the street outside. It wasn’t particularly cold in the small apartment but the woman shivered anyway.

As she stood up her three sizes too big shirt hung loosely around her small frame. She looked lost inside it. You couldn’t see for the top, but her arms and stomach were covered in bruises. There by her own doing. She had become numb and unfeeling. Clumsy, not caring about herself or her body anymore.

She sighed again and walked out of the small bedroom into the almost smaller kitchen area. Opening a cupboard she removed a glass and turned the tap on waiting for the water to cool. Eventually she deemed it cool enough and half filled the glass, before shutting the tap off and walking back to her room. From the bedside locker she took the small box of sleeping pills. Taking one she popped it in her mouth, it tasted terrible. Bitter, but not in the nice lemony way. In the sickening medicine way. She downed the pill with a quick gulp of water and settled back down to try sleep…

***

The next morning she woke rather suddenly, the phone on her beside was ringing. Unusual. She lifted her head from the pillow and picked it up. Checking the number on the screen it was one she recognized only too well. Belonging to someone she never wanted to speak to again.

She hit the reject button and sat up. She felt dirty, in need of a shower. Hell, she did need a shower. She couldn’t remember the last time she had actually had a shower. She stood up and headed for the bathroom, grabbing a towel on her way. She stopped once she got to the bathroom, in front of the mirror. He reflection scared her.

Her face was thin, thinner than she remembered. And ghostly pale. Her eyes seemed dull and her long brown hair hung like a greasy curtain around her head.. She was, when she had been better what some would have classified as pretty. But that was all gone now. Gone with her. Her, the one that had ruined her, broken her heart.

No nineteen year old should look the way she did. The rage inside of her got the better of her. Screaming, she lashed out, hitting the nearest surface, the mirror. It cracked into a million pieces. And when she took her hand away there were trickles of blood running down it. She rinsed her hand under the tap until the worst of the bleeding stopped, cursing her all the while.

Looking in the mirror again she saw herself reflected a thousand times. All at slightly different angles. She cursed again and quickly turned on the shower.

When she stepped out of the shower half an hour later she felt better. Not so dirty, and new, in a way. Like she had managed to wash some of her off of her own body. She wrapped herself in the towel and walked back to her room. It was only then she realized just how bad she looked. How bad the bruises were, some old and yellow and some fresh, hardly more than a light purple color. She tried to hide them, covering the worst with as much foundation as she could manage. The not so bad ones she left. She knew they would just get worse later. But she didn’t care.

Her phone beeped and she picked it up.

5 missed calls from:

And then that number again. The number she had always found it hilariously easy to memorize. She cursed and sat down on her bed.

“Just leave me alone!” she shouted at noone. “You broke my heart! Leave me alone.” the end was no more than a whisper.

Six years, she had given her six years. Been there through so much, depressions, meds for anything and everything and all the fucking mood swings. She had been there even when her parents kicked her out for loving a girl. Been there when she had broken her ribs, when she had ended up in hospital. Through everything anyone could imagine.

And what did she get in the end? She got cheated on. By the girl she loved. By the girl she wanted to spend as long with as was physically possible. Cheated on with a guy no less. Six years down the drain. She said it had been one off, that she didn’t love him. That she loved her. That it was a mistake. And at first, she was inclined to believe it. Until she caught them again. That was the end. She packed her things and moved out. Into the piece of crap apartment she was in now.

She slowly dressed, her phone ringing at least three more times. She didn’t bother to answer it though. When would she realize that she wouldn’t be answering the phone? Soon she hoped.

When she finished dressing and drying her hair she left her apartment. She needed to get outside, to clear her head. The park she decided. It wasn’t far, but it was cold out so she walked quickly, the wind blowing her hair out like a cape. It stung her face. But she didn’t turn back.

Her phone rang again, the familiar tune getting lost in the wind. She smiled, for the first time in weeks, months maybe. She couldn’t be sure. But for some reason, it cheered her up. Made her smile. Made her remember some of the good in life as opposed to the bad.

She got to the park and headed for the big pond. It was winter, so it was almost frozen over. The ducks waddled around the thin ice. Pecking at it, to try break through and get to the water beneath. Occasionally one would fall through. Making a surprised quack and then a splash. She couldn’t help but laugh at the sight.

“You think they would learn?” a voice from behind her spoke, making her jump.

When she didn’t reply the stranger spoke again. “Did I scare you? Oh, god I’m really sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

“N-no it’s fine. I’m just abit jumpy recently.” she says truthfully, turning round to look at the person.

“Oh I see.” the stranger says. He has red hair, she can see the ends sticking out from under his hat. “I’m Oli.” he says and sits down on the bench next to her.

“Nice to meet you Oli.” she says, smiling politely.

“And you..” he says then turns to watch the ducks flop around the ice.

She sits back and watches the ducks again, feeling better. She didn’t know why, but this strange man, Oli, he made her feel safe. She laughed when she thought of this. He could be a rapist for all she knew. Or a murderer. But here she was sitting with a random New York stranger, in the middle of the park, watching ducks fall through ice.

Her thoughts were cut short by her phone ringing once again. “I’m sorry Oli,” she says standing up. “I have to go murder my ex.” she smiles as she says it, but feels inside as if she really could murder her ex.

“It’s fine. I’d love to meet you again sometime.” Oli says looking up at her.

“I’d, I’d like that,” she says and smiles bigger than before. “This time next week work for you?” she asks and laughs. They sound as if they’re organizing a dentists appointment.

“Wonderful. See you next week, uhm?” he says.

“Lily, Lily Talor.” she says smiles.

“See you next week Lily, Lily Talor.” Oli says as she walks away.

She may have broken her heart. She may have broken her into as many pieces as the mirror she had smashed that morning. But it was then as she walked away from the pond in the park she realized that life goes on. That yes, it was a long way to her being happy again. But it was a start wasn’t it? And then as she walked away from the pond, Oli and the ducks. Her phone rang again. The same number as before, the same number as always. But that time, instead of swearing loudly at the phone. She answered it.

“What do you want?” …