Princess Crashing Down

Lunch:
Marissa held my hair out of my face as I bent my head over the toilet. My stomach was aching and my head was pounding. I almost never wanted to drink again.
"Are you going to be alright!"
"Yeah, yeah." I choked out, shaking my head. I looked up at her nervous face and she shook her head, too.
"I'm starving and you should probably eat something."
"I know." I stood up, off my knees and felt the cold floor on my hands. I closed my eyes and stood against the bathroom wall. I felt horrible for doing this to her.
"Let's go." I said wearily leading the way out.
When we walked into the cafeteria, everyone seemed so normal. They went about their business as usual. I couldn't seem to wrap my head around it. I spotted Josh a few tables away from the door and walked over to him.
He looked tired and anxious. "Hey!" He jumped up and put his arm around my waist. He kissed my cheek and looked at all of his friends around the table. He let go and ran to his seat, then patted his knee. "Sit down."
I shook my head and sat down in the seat next to him. "I'm fine."
"Are you ok?"
Marissa sat down slowly next to me and couldn't help but get into the conversation. "She doesn't feel good because of the-"
I held my hand up to her face and looked over to Josh.
"You mean the party?" He looked shocked. Oh god.
I put my head down on the table. He pretended he couldn't see me for the rest of the period. I went too far last night and now I'm embarrassing him. This can't end well.

Night:
It was barley light out, but my phone lit the small space around me. I sat, with a hood over my face and my iPod blaring, against a fence.
"May I sit down?" I looked up to see Dillon's cheerful face.
"Sure." I smiled and scooted over.
"Bad day?"
I shook my head up and down.
"Yeah I saw it all go down at lunch."
"Great." I mumbled under my breath.
He started laughing.
"What's so funny?"
He looked at me and smiled. "You try way too hard."
"At what?"
"Trying to be one of them."
"One of who?"
"Never mind." He still chuckled to himself, looking straight ahead. Suddenly it clicked to me.
"Hey! I am not a whore!"
"I never said that." He looked serious now.
I calmed down and slammed my back against the fence.
"They are." He said.
I rolled my eyes. He leaned closer to me and looked into my eyes. "Do you really love that guy?"
"Wha-" I stopped mid-sentence and sat up. He had to move away, so I wouldn't hit his head.
He waited patiently.
"Ye- No."
"Then why-" I cut him off by crushing my lips to his. We sat and kissed in the dark for a few minutes. We kept our foreheads together.
"Why would you ask that?"
He moved away and gawked at me. "Why do you think Izzy?"
I blushed. "Oh."
He smiled at me again. He had brown and blonde short hair, with blue eyes. He wasn't very muscular, but was adorable. All he ever did was smile no matter what. His teeth were white and gleaming. We had been friends for two years now. He was different than the other people I hung out with. He wasn't that popular -more interested in art and music. He plays football, but no one on the team knows him that well.
"Wait."
"What?"
"Why the hell are you sitting out here? He reached to pull down my hood. "With a hood over your face?"
I blushed again and it was a good thing it was so dark out. "I was stupid."
"How?"
"I went to that party."
His mouth flew open. "Tara's party?"
"Yes." I hid my face in my sleeve. He grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him. His eyes were smooth and beautiful.
"Well, what happened?"
I rolled my eyes. "I tried a few things-"
"What!"
I raised my hand to his face. "No no no! I didn't do anything-" He arced an eyebrow. "I mean I didn't do anything with him." He was lost with confusion. "God dammit I did not have sex!"
He let out a breath of relieve, but remained tense. He looked back over to me. "Then what did you do?"
"Just typical, teenage stuff."
"Like?"
"I may have drank or smoked or something." My wandering eyes traveled around us.
"What?"
"You know what I mean."
"No, I mean, what did you drink or smoke or something?" He stayed calm.
I put my head back down. "Nothing."
"What?" He laughed.
"Nothing."
"Isabella." He said irritated.
"What?"
"What happened?"
"What?"
"Stop that!"
"Ugh." I buried my face in my arms.
"Isabella, you can talk to me."
"Since when?"
He was speechless for a minute. He gawked at me, then went off. "Since I fucking came to you when Nathan died! It took me forever to get over that! Since two god damned years ago!Since I told you I was suicidal! Isabella. are you really trying to tell me you don't trust me?"
Tears pinched my eyes, but I couldn't blink. I stared up at his angered expression. My mouth was wide open -then the waterworks came.
He sat back down next to me without a word. I remained with my hands covering my eyes until he cleared his throat.
"I love you, Isabella." He looked over to me and stared with his tear-filled eyes.
I still didn't say anything. He looked ready to burst with tears, especially if I continued not to talk.
"Izzy-"
"Don't call me that." I bunched my fists.
"What?"
"You know what I said."
He stared blankly at me for a full minute before starting to beg. "Please Isabella, what did I do?"
"Stop that! Stop crying!"
"Isabella!"
"No!"
I turned away from him. He stood up behind me and cleared his throat again. His voice was thick was tears. "I'm sorry." And then he walked away. It was that moment I had actually heard my own heart beating -his was breaking.