Princess Crashing Down

Afternoon:
I stood over them awkwardly. Without noticing they were still holding each other.
"Fucking let go of him."
Marissa took one look at their position and shook herself free.
"Isabella-"
"What could you possibly have to sa-" Tears struck my throat and I choked on my own words. I say down and held my chest. The water in my eyes overflowed from my eyelids and I cried as hard as I could.
I saw Dillon burying his face in his hands out of the corner of my eye.
"Izzy-
"Wha-" I began in protest.
"Don't -cut me off." He yelled. "I'm sorry." He lowered his voice.
I turned to Marissa who was just wide eyed and nodding.
"Isabella, do you really think we planned for you to leave and for us to make out?"
I covered my ears like a three year old.
"Isabella, you should really listen to him." Marissa chimed in.
"Why?" I snapped.
"Because." Dillon said, standing up. "We forgave you."
"At least you got some time to get over it."
"Do you know what you did to me?"
"What?" My voice got small.
"You know how I am."
"You mean was?"
"No, Isabella, no." Marissa was sitting in the corner of the couch. "He was then and still is now."
I looked at Dillon with my mouth wide open. "You're suicidal?" My voice was so small, I could barley find it.
"Yes." He didn't seem to care.
"Let me see your wrist!" I grabbed his arm and peeled the rim of his sleeve up.
"Izzy, you know what's under there." He laughed as I saw the first, few scars on his wrist. "I personally think it's cliche."
"Now you're laughing?"
"Yeah, why?"
"Dillon! You're hurting yourself."
"So?" He shrugged his shoulders.
"This is my fault?" I felt each bump.
"Only four of them." He just stood there, letting me feel his mistakes.
"Just four." I lost my voice completely toward the end.
"Isabella, I'm so sorry!" Marissa ran up to hug me.
"It's um -ok."
She looked at me with big eyes, as Dillon watched me hold his arm.
"Are you okay?" He said.
"I don't think so." I put my hand to my head.
"Please don't faint or something."
"I won't." I blinked a few times, then stared back at the cuts.

Night:
"What does it feel like?" I asked Dillon as we sat outside. The only light we had came from the garage and I was holding his arm again. He didn't seem to mind. It really didn't mean anything to him.
Marissa had her feet up on the table and she was holding her head back, complaining about her headache. For the past few hours I had been crying in my bed room while Marissa and Dillon talked things over, so my eyes were rimmed with red.They were both really sorry, so I had to forgive them. Besides, they had forgiven me before.
"Quick and painful." He smiled.
"Why do you always get so happy talking about this?"
"Because." He shifted in his seat. "I know how good it feels."
"So, talking about it makes you want to do it more?.
"Sort of."
"What do you think about when you cut?"
He shrugged his shoulders. "A lot of things. Mostly everything that really sucks, then the pain feels better."
"How can pain feel better?"
"By becoming numb." He looked down at me and his eyes were glazed in tears.
"Why are you crying?"
"Because you're so worried about something that is no big deal."
"It's a big deal, Dillon. I love you and don't ever want something to happen to you."
"Nothing's happening to me."
"The four cuts." I circled one finger around a group of scars on his wrist. "Where are they?"
"Nowhere." He looked away from me.
"What? Where?" I tried sounding supportive, like it didn't matter that much to me.
"That's a discovery for another day."
"Why?"
"I don't know. You take a lot of this too seriously."
"because it is serious."
"See."
I put my head down. "I wish I knew."
"No you don't. You would worry."
"Why?"
Without saying anything, he took his shirt off and pulled his arm away from me. My hand felt empty because I had been holding him for a while now.
He walked over to the grass and layed down.
"Close your eyes and come lay with me."
I closed my eyes as he told me to and felt the chairs as I walked over to him. I fell at his side and he pulled me into his body.
"Now, keep your eyes closed."
"I will."
"Put your hand on my heart."
"Why?
"Please?"
Without arguing, I ran my hand along his chest until I felt his heartbeat on my finger tips. Then I layed my hand down on the spot. I felt bumps all underneath it.
I looked up at him and he was tearing up while looking into my eyes.
"Are these the four cuts?"
"Yeah."
I glided my hand along the scars a few times and then layed my head over his heart. He wrapped his arms around me so I couldn't slip off.
"You wrote my name over your heart?" I was squeezing my eyes shut, but the tears still poured out. Engraved on his chest where my hand was, was my name -Izzy.
He kissed the top of my hair and I could feel his lips stretching into a small smile. "I thought a tattoo would be too cliche."
He meant for me to laugh, but I broke down further. I cried on his bare skin. I looked at Marissa without lifting my head.
She was crying silently, watching me. When I looked at her she turned away. Neither of us could handle it.
"No. No you didn't, Dillon." I whispered.
"I did. Please except that."
"I can't."
"Could you except that I did it because I love you?"
I closed my eyes again and breathed in the smell of his skin. "Yes."