Nothing Goes As Orchestrated

"Do you and Daddy still love each other?" Cassie asked.

The boys had been gone for awhile, leaving Cassie and her mother to spend the rest of the day together. And while Matt had given Cassie a heads up that her mom was worried, Tina had yet to say anything to her daughter regarding that.

"A little more every day," Tina replied.

"Well," Cassie began, "Was there ever a time you were scared to trust him? Did he ever make it hard for you?"

"Never on purpose," she said, "But every relationship has its bumps. Sometimes it's a very large bump. Sometimes it's so tiny that you don't even notice it until you have a bruise the next day. There's no such thing as the perfect relationship. Your father and I still have arguments. We still don't see eye to eye on some things. And there are still times that we annoy each other to no end. You don't stop hitting those bumps just because you've been together for so many years. It's always going to take work. But when you find someone who's worth it, you learn to forgive and move forward."

"How do you know when someone is worth it?"

"You just know," Tina said, studying Cassie's face. It hurt to see such sadness in her daughter's eyes, "Do you want to tell me what happened with you and Alex, sweetheart?"

"Well, you know that I've been wanting to start a family for a long time. I never said it to Alex in those words exactly, but he knew. And he said he would give me a baby," she began and going on to explain that he didn't want a baby and that she couldn't do that to him but he didn't get that. She told her mother that he ignored her calls and texts when he left for tour and that she would hear from his friends about all the girls he was hanging out with. "It was when Rian called me to tell me that he had spent hours talking with one girl that really got to me. He was spending time with all these girls he didn't know when he could be calling me and talking things out, and we could've been fixing us. But he didn't."

She explained the night he showed up at the Sing It Loud show and tried to apologize, but it was too little, too late. She told her mom that part of her had wanted to just forget the whole thing happened, but she knew better. And then they didn't see each other, except once, in the five months that followed, and then he was somehow at her birthday celebration with the girls. And she told her mom what happened that night, and then following day. Cassie explained that he had a girlfriend, but it didn't stop her from sleeping with him repeatedly. And she told her mom that she had been attracted to Matt for a long time and had kissed him in front of Alex, not because she wanted to hurt Alex, but simply because she wanted to kiss Matt.

"And I just feel like such a slut," she said quietly, tears sliding down her cheeks.

"Cassandra, you are not a slut," Tina said, "There was nothing wrong with kissing Matthew. He's single and you're single. And as for Alex, obviously sleeping with him while he has a girlfriend is wrong, and you don't need me to tell you that. But Baby, you love him," she said.

Cassie shook her head, "I hate him," she stated plainly, wiping the tears from her face.

"No, Baby," Tina said, pushing Cassie's hair away from her face before pulling her into a tight hug, "That pain you're feeling is love. And you will only be able to fight it for so long before you realize that it hurts more to be without him than it could ever hurt to be with him."

"But how am I supposed to trust him?" Cassie asked.

"You have to forgive him. Everything else will come in time."

"I don't know if I can," she mumbled.

Tina sighed softly, "He may have messed up, Cassandra, but you're messing up too. Right now, as I'm saying this. He's not Nathan. He wanted you to be able to have that baby you want so badly. Maybe it wasn't what he wanted at that exact moment, but he was willing to sacrifice that for you. Knowing that, how can you stay angry with him for so long?" she asked, "And I know you know that."

"Because he doesn't understand that I sacrificed having a baby for him. He thinks that I thought he wasn't good enough and he throws it in my face every chance he gets. Even though I've told him that I wanted to have a baby with him, he just doesn't get it," Cassie said.

"He's just insecure. You can't hold that against him, Baby."

Cassie shook her head, "I'm not holding insecurity against him, I'm holding immaturity against him," she said.

Tina let out a quiet laugh, "He's a boy, Sweetheart. It comes with the territory," she said.

In spite of how she was feeling, Cassie laughed and pulled out of her mother's embrace. She wiped her face once again and offered a weak smile.

"Thank you, Mama," she said.

"I'm always here for you, Baby. No matter how badly you think you screwed up, you can tell me about it. Nobody's perfect."

Cassie nodded hugged her mother again. As Tina placed a kiss on the top of her daughter's head, the phone began to ring. Reaching over and taking the phone from its cradle, she answered it.

"Hello?"

"Hi Mama Tina!" Rian said.

"Rian, hi. How are you, Sweetie?" Tina asked.

"I'm great. Angie and I are getting ready to celebrate one year together in a few weeks. I'm planning something fun for us," he said.

"That's wonderful. I'm so happy for the two of you."

"Thanks," Rian said, "I was actually calling to talk to Sissy. Is she around by any chance?" he asked.

"She sure is. Give Angie my love, okay? she said and handed the phone to Cassie.

"Hey," Cassie said.

"Hey. I know you said you didn't want to be bothered unless it was an emergency," Rian said.

"I didn't mean you and Angie," Cassie said, cutting him off.

Rian laughed, "Well either way, I was just calling to see if you were doing okay," he said.

"I'm holding up," she said with a sigh, "Mama and I just had a heart to heart and I have a lot to think about now."

"Oh, alright."

The line fell silent for a minute before Cassie spoke again, "Um, how is he?" she asked quietly.

"Alex?" Rian asked, "His black eye is just about gone. It's more of a light brown at this point. And his lip healed up nice," he said, "He tries to act like he's fine, but no matter how much time he spends with Chelley, he still misses you."

"Right. Well, I um, should go. Thanks for calling to check on me," Cassie said, "Love you, Little Bro."

"Love you, too, Sissy," he said and hung up.

Cassie hung up on her end and dropped her head, her eyes falling closed. Tina took the phone from Cassie and rubbed her back gently.

"What did he say?" she asked.

"His face is healing," Cassie replied, biting her lip as she looked up at her mom, fresh tears falling from her eyes, "I miss him so much, Mommy," she said falling into her mother's open arms.