Nothing Goes As Orchestrated

"Where the fuck is he?" Cassie demanded as she stomped into Rian and Alex's living room after slamming their front door.

"Who?" Rian asked, turning toward her, his face twisted in confusion.

"Alex," she said, "He has some fucking explaining to do."

Rian only looked more confused, "Um, I thought you two were still avoiding each other," he said.

"Well we were. But he was, by some sick twist of fate, at the same club we were last night for my birthday and he saw me. And, well, let's just say that because I'd been drinking, one thing led to another and I ditched the girls and took him home with me because clearly I'm a fucking idiot," she ranted.

"And let me guess," Rian said, "He was gone when you woke up this morning."

"Fucking exactly," she shouted, "Where is he?"

Rian said nothing but pointed upstairs. With a fire behind her eyes, Cassie turned without a word and stormed up the stairs and straight to Alex's room, throwing open the door when she got there.

Alex looked up from the notebook he was hunched over, "Cassandra," he said, not sounding at all surprised that she was there, before turning his attention back to the paper.

"How could you fucking do that to me?" she screamed, "How could you, after everything, just treat me like some cheap, easy fuck?"

He laughed dryly, "Now you know how it feels," he said, not looking up.

"How what feels?" she yelled.

"To have your heart ripped out, Cassandra," he said, looking up from the notebook and straight into her eyes, "To have someone fucking rip your heart right out and stomp on it in front of you and then walk away."

Cassie stared at him, anger coursing through her veins, "That's what this was? Your fucking revenge? God damn it, I already knew how it felt," she said, "Do you really think it didn't hurt me when you left for tour angry with me? You think that my heart didn't break every night you didn't call me and every single time you ignored my calls? Huh? And you don't think I ripped out my own heart out when I told you I couldn't do it anymore? Honestly? That's what you think?" she paused, "Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to tell you to stop that night you said we could have a baby? I wanted a baby. And I wanted it with you."

"Then what was the fucking problem?" he spat.

"I needed you to want it, Alex. But you just kept saying it was for me."

He stared at her, not saying anything. His silence only frustrated her further. Her heart pounded and she felt her body temperature rise. She wanted him to say something. To defend himself. But he didn't. He just stared.

"I fucking knew already," she repeated, "But the difference between us is that I still tried. I didn't shut down and ignore you. I kept trying, even when I was hearing about girls hanging all over you at parties and you talking and getting cozy with some girl for hours. I tried until trying hurt more than giving up."

"I never did anything with any of those girls people were telling you about," he said defensively.

"I can't know that for sure, Alex," she said.

He sighed loudly, "That girl I was "getting cozy" with," he said, complete with air quotes, "I was talking to her about you. And she was telling me to talk to you. To work things about because it was clear how much I lo-"

"Don't say it," she interrupted.

"Why not? Why do you have such a fucking problem with that word?" he demanded.

"Because it's either a promise or a lie," she said, "It was a lie when Nathan said it. It was a lie when that jackass from high school said it. It's always a lie and I don't fucking want to hear it."

"I'm not lying," he said plainly.

"How can you expect me to believe anything you say after last night?" she asked, her voice raising again.

Alex's voice raised as well, "How could you expect anything other than what I did last night? Huh? You keep saying that you don't trust me, well you fucking trusted me enough to take me home."

"Impaired judgment," she screamed, "I had been drinking."

"But you weren't drunk, Cassandra. Don't try to bullshit and say you were. You knew exactly what you were doing."

"God damn it," she yelled, "I never wanted to hate you. That's why I gave up when I stopped being able to trust you. I didn't want you to do anything that would make me hate you. But congratulations, Alex, you did anyway. And now you're just another asshole to add to the list. One more story about how Cassie Black will never find a decent guy. I should've fucking listened to Rian," she said, turning to leave.

Alex jumped off the bed and slammed the door shut before she had a chance to get through it. She turned back toward him, her hand open and flying toward his face. He caught her arm a second before her hand made contact and roughly pressed his lips to hers. The force he used combined with the surprise by which his actions took her made her stumbled backward and her back slammed against the door.

His free hand slipped under the hem of her shirt and rested on her side. Flinching at his touch, she balled her hand into a fist and pounded it against his chest. Alex's lips left hers almost immediately.

"Fuck you," she mumbled, her eyes filling with tears as she continued pounding his chest, "Fuck you," she said again.

He dropped his hold on her wrist and began to slid his other hand off her skin but she quickly grabbed his face and pressed her lips to his. Both his hands slid around her body and down her back and he lifted her off the ground. Her legs wrapped around him immediately and he held onto her tightly. After a moment, she broke their kiss and pulled her shirt over her head. Alex's mouth quickly began to explore her newly exposed skin.

Two hours later, Cassie was collapsed on top of Alex, their legs tangled together with only a sheet covering the bottom half of them. Alex slid his fingers gently up and down Cassie's spine.

"Sex is so much better after fighting," she said and Alex let out a chuckle. They were both quiet for a while. "This doesn't solve anything," she finally spoke.

Alex sighed, "Maybe we were better off staying away from each other," he said.

"Maybe we were," she agreed and he sighed again, planting a kiss on the top of her head, "I guess I should probably go, in that case," she said.

"Don't," he said quickly, wrapping his arms around her tightly before she could move, "You shouldn't be alone on your birthday."

"I don't care about my birthday. And we both just agreed-"

"I think we both know that neither of us believe that, Cassandra," he said, cutting her off, "We wouldn't be here in the first place if we did. I don't know why, but we're drawn to each other."

Cassie let out a sigh, "I hate that I don't understand this," she said, reaching around her back and removing one of Alex's hands from her skin. She brought both their hands so they rested next to his head and laced her fingers with his, lifting her head from his chest and looking at him, "It doesn't make sense that I can be so mad at you but still want to be so close to you."

"Why does it have to make sense?"

"I can't just forget everything. Maybe it sounds childish, but if we're not fighting over one thing, it's going to be something else. There's always going to be something else, Alex. And I can't handle the way you just shut down when we fought the last time. How do I know that you're not going to do that every time you leave for tour. If you shut me out, what's to stop you from finding some other girl while you're gone? I can't do that. I'm not that girl."

He sighed, "That didn't answer the question I asked," he said quietly.

"Last time, it didn't make sense. At least not in the beginning. But I gave it the best shot I could. And look where it's gotten us," Cassie explained.

"Where would that be exactly?" he asked.

"Confused. I mean, honestly, I don't even know what you've been up to lately. For all I know, you're seeing someone and I'm suddenly the other woman."

Alex didn't respond with words but the heavy sigh that escaped him told Cassie all she needed to know. But she didn't let that stop her from laying her head back down on Alex's chest. She knew it was wrong but regardless of what she had said only minutes before, she really didn't want to be alone on her birthday.