Meant for No One but Each Other

Danica knew she was spending a lot of time at the library, but with everything in her life that was going on, she knew she had to study to keep herself busy, to keep herself from getting distracted by this whole mess. She knew she should try and convince Neville that he was being ridiculous. It had never been too hard in the past to get him to sway from his position on any matter, but she had never seen him so resolved on anything. She knew it would be no easy matter and truthfully, she was not prepared to face rejection again.

She knew she could probably come up with something to make him change his mind, could probably jump into her Slytherin roots that came with being in such a family as hers. But the truth was, she was in Ravenclaw for a reason. It had taken her four years, but she knew now. It was more than just her intelligence. She wasn’t like the rest of her family, or really like Draco either. Sure she had been raised to have the same ideals as he did, but the fact that she had become best friends with Neville Longbottom, she thought, had not only proved her different mentality, but also had made all the difference.

She grabbed the last of her books she would need tonight and left her dormitory. She had six books in her bag and four in her hand. But she knew her workload tonight would keep her busy enough to not think about anything else.

“Blimey, Dani,” Anthony Goldstein said when she came into the commonroom. “Resupplying the library, are you?”

“Oh come off it, Goldstein,” Michael Corner smirked. “Just a bit of light reading for Danica Shardae.”

She smiled sheepishly. “I can’t help it if I’m more attuned to the Ravenclaw traits than either of you.”

All three of them laughed. Danica knew Draco hated that she was friends with Anthony and Michael, but they were two of her closest friends in her House. “I’ll see you later then.”

They nodded and she was off to the library. God, what had possessed her to carry all these books? She shifted them in her hands while adjusting her bag on her shoulder to get a better grip. Unfortunately, that meant she wasn’t paying attention to where she was going. Her books flew out of her hand and her bag fell onto the floor next to none other than Nevill Longbottom. “Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap! I’m so sorry Neville,” she held out her hand to help him up.

He got himself up off the floor without her help. “It’s not a problem. I’m not used to being knocked down by you and your friends.”

She cringed both at his words and his tone. “Neville, I—that’s not very fair of you.”

He looked apologetic after a moment. “You’re right, it’s not. Whatever has happened, I should not speak to you like that.”

She sighed. “Neville, I’ve – I’ve been meaning to talk to you.”

He bent down and picked up her things, placing her bag on his shoulder. “You’re off to the library, I suppose?” She nodded. “I’ll walk you then, shall I?”

She smiled wider than she should have at that. She knew this was wrong, trying to outsmart him into being her best friend again, but she couldn’t help it. She could not describe the feeling of being so near him. It made her elated. They started walking together towards the library.

They were quiet. She knew he was probably waiting for her to speak. Finally, she could not stand the silence any longer. “So how have you been?”

“Alright,” he shrugged. “And you?”

She sighed. “Honestly? Not so great, Nev.”

He didn’t say anything.

“Neville, I can’t say I’m not proud of you for holding out on your word still, but I can’t say it pleases me all too much.”

“Danica, I’ve told you why I’m doing this,” he said quietly. “I can’t go back to what it was before.”

“I know, but I – I miss you, Nev.”

They entered the library and Madam Pince nodded to them. Danica led Neville back to her usual table, which was secluded on three sides, surrounded by bookcases. Only one side had a table across the way, where Hermione Granger usually sat. Danica noticed that Hermione’s stuff was still there, but Hermione was no where to be seen, probably carted off by Ronald Weasley or Harry Potter.

Neville put her books and bag down on the empty table and looked at her. “Look, Dani, I miss you too, I do. But you have to understand. I’ll always be missing you if we go back to how it was.”

“But how? You’ll be there and I’ll be there. How would you miss me?”

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I’ll miss you because you aren’t mine, because even if we were best friends, you’ll never fully be mine. But you’ll always, always be his. Even if we were both in your life, Draco Malfoy will never miss you like this because he will know as I would that you were his, Danica. Can’t you see that? Can’t you see how hard that is for me?”

“Oh Nev,” she put her hand on his on the table. She knew this was so unfair of her, how cruel she was being. But she couldn’t help it. “Nev, you know how I love you. I can’t go on in my life without you. I know that’s not fair or really pleasant to hear but it’s true. I need you too much. Yes, I need Draco too. I will always need him as well. But we’re Nev and Dani. We’re best friends.” She had tears falling from her eyes before she could stop them.

He reached over and wiped one from her cheek. “Dani, p-p-please don’t c-cry.”

And suddenly she knew, with his stutter, where her victory would be won, where his weakness was. She thought of how much it hurt seeing him and not being able to talk to him, and of wishing she could just hug him and have him hold her only to feel guilty because of Draco. And she felt more tears falling from her eyes. “I-I can’t help it,” she whispered. “It just hurts so much, Neville.”

“I-I’m sorry, Danica,” he looked away, not able to look her in the face.

She brought her hand to his face and forced him to look at her, her hand staying on his cheek. “Neville, there has to be something I can do – anything. Please.”

They stared intently into the other’s eyes. She knew she sounded desperate and it was not all fake. She was desperate. She did need him. She needed him to forgive her. She knew she loved him. Hermione Granger, once again, was right. Love wasn’t black or white. She could love him and Draco, even if not the same. She loved them in different ways, which was only to be expected since the two were as far different from each other as she had been raised to believe Muggles and wizards were. Loving Draco was safe but scary at the same time. It had been what she had been raised to do, but she knew her love was still real. It wasn’t perfect. She knew they had their rough spots, but it was whole. Completely, he was in her heart. Neville too was in her heart, but with him, it was a kinder love. It wasn’t scary really, but more comforting. It warmed her.

She snapped out of her thoughts when she noticed that they were moving closer together. Still, their eyes smothered the other. She knew she could let it go, but seeing his expression, seeing his desire, it snapped her out of the trance. She pulled back quickly. She could not do that to Draco. Sure, they had rough spots, but they were loyal. And they were in love and to be married one day. No matter how much she loved Neville too, she couldn’t do that to either of them. “I’m sorry,” she said quietly, looking away from his face so she wouldn’t have to see the pain in his expression. “I – I can’t do this.”

He smiled sadly and took her chin, forcing her to look at him. “See, even like this, I miss you already.” He leaned in, kissed her cheek softly and then took off.

She sighed and fell down on a chair, putting her face in her hands. God, what was wrong with her? Was she about to cheat on Draco? How could she even almost? And hurting Neville like that? She was truly her parents’ daughter. She looked up to see Hermione’s gaze on her. Danica tried to smile, but it was lost in the pain of her guilt. Hermione just watched her, the look on her face of a sadness that Danica felt all too well.