Prince In Distress

Morning
I had to stop and just watch him for a minute. I had to study his movements, his eyes, and his expressions. My thoughts redirected to Josh and how he reacted when I kissed him. Now this guy had kissed me and I almost felt like acting the same way. "What a fag," pulsed through my mind. What right did he have to kiss me anyway? How did he know that I was gay? These were all of the thoughts that had been running through Josh's mind that day. The feeling was plain terrible.
The smile faded on his face. "Oh, um. Look-"
"It's alright." I quickly added. I didn't want him feeling the way I had.
"I don't know what I was thinking, I just felt this connection or something."
"No, you did."
"What?"
"I felt something, too."
"Really?" The smile started to appear once again.
"Uh, yeah."
"Good." A nice, big smile.
"So, what do you wanna do now?"
"Kiss you."
"Are you serious."
"I guess so."
"Alright." He took a step toward me and touched his lips to mine, then we took of into a fantasy of two people, belonging somewhere. Two people who wouldn't have to worry about who they really were, together.

Afternoon
I snuck through the door, as my mom's vaccum roared from somewhere upstairs.
I heard it click off and garenteed that she had heard me come in. I stood in one place, waiting for her to march down the stairs and begin her lecture, but to my surprise, there was nothing. Just silence.
I decided to walk upstairs, myself. I stood outside of my bedroom door, to hear a whimpering. I peered in and she looked up at me, sitting on my bed and crying.
"Mom? Mom, what's wrong?" I rushed to her side.
"Nothing, I'm fine."
"Mom." For the first time in years, I looked into her eyes and felt as if we were on the same level.
"I hate it when you don't listen to me. I get upset every time you leave without telling me where you'll be. I get so worried about you." She started crying harder and she buried her head into my shoulder.
"I had no idea, mom, mom, mom." I tried lifting her head, to look at her. "You get.... worried?"
"Every single time, Paul." She looked straight at me, without blinking or looking away.
"But mom-"
"Paul I don't hate you. I don't hate your father. And I most certainly do not hate your brother."
I was getting so confused. Was she serious.
Once she realized that I had nothing to say, she sat up straight and took my hands.
"Paul, I know your brother changed this family. The incident threw this entire family out of whack, but baby I love him."
"Then why won't you let me see him?"
Tears welled up in her eyes again. "Because-"
"Yeah?"
"Because I don't want you to end up like him, Paul. I'm terrified of how easily it could happen to you!"
"Oh, mom." I wrapped my arms around her and held her as tight as I could."
"What about dad?"
"Sweetie, I guess I just have my own way of dealing with how I feel. I never meant to turn into someone so horrible."
"Mom, I know. I love you, too. I love dad and I know that you love him, too. I'm so sorry."
She grabbed my arms and looked into my eyes. "Never tell me that you're sorry for something I screwed up so badly." She stood up and walked out of the room.
I felt as if a rock had hit me in the stomach. There's just no right way to deal with my mom.

Night
A rock hit my window and I jumped out of bed in time to see that my hopes, of it being some Romeo of mine, were just some kids fooling around in the street. And this is how my life goes.

Morning
I stumbled out of bed and trudged down the stairs and into the kitchen. My mom wasn't awake, which was wierd, but I smelled a burning, so I thought she had been making breakfast. I sniffed harder, trying to decifer the smell. I walked around the kitchen in circles, but I couldn't find a fire. I started to panic and sprinted into the living room so search there. On my way, I screamed for my mom.
"Shh, shut up. Your mom's sleeping." I swung myself around to see Josh sitting on my couch, smoking a cigarette.
"Has it really been that long since I've had a cigarette?"
"What?"
"Nothin, I just couldn't tell what the smell was."
"Oh. Aren't you trying to quit or something?"
"No, it just hasn't crossed my mind recently."
"Oh."
"Why no comments? Why no shut up faggots or you're so gays?"
"Paul-"
"What? What the hell do you possibly have to say to me?"
"Are you going to school today?"
"What? Why the hell would you wanna know? Why the hell are you even here? Who let you in?"
"I let myself in."
"What?"
"We always let ourselves in. We're bestfriends, man."
I stared at him blankly. "You aren't friends with fags."
"No, that was fucked up of me, man."
"You think?"
"Yeah, I do. Paul, I can't believe I was ever letting that come between us."
"What? Did you read a chick magazine or something before coming here?"
"No, dude I just don't know what else I can say to you."
I stopped my ranting and quited myself down. Maybe he was serious. "I kissed you."
"I know."
A silence washed over us and I stood over him awekwardly.
"I shouldn't have freaked out like that."
"Are you only apologizing because my dad died?"
"No. Man, you don't even know what it's like without you around. It really sucks. I guess I never knew how important you were to me. And don't even say how fake this sounds because I know. I've never done this, I've never apologized. I've never told anyone how I felt about anything before. I've never had to because you've always been there."
I looked at him for a minute before extending my hand out for him. He grabbed it tightly and shook it. We just smiled and looked at each other.
"Now go get dressed because you're coming to school today."
I laughed and ran upstairs as fast as I could.