In the Key of Me
1 of 1
Monday
My name is Allison Alyssa Hayes a.k.a Aliie. I’m 14 and a freshman in high school. Whoo! The gate way to hell is more like it. I haven’t been here 3 hours and they having me writing in this shitty journal. Take that institute of higher learning. Your journal can kiss my ass. My first assignment of this year is to ‘document’ my ‘wonderful journey’ through my freshman year. The words of my English teacher. She’s wacked. A few fries short of a happy meal, her elevator doesn’t reach the top floor, a few pages of her book are missing. Ha ha. I think she could be on crack. She’s very shaky. Like Kristen Stewart. Ha ha I’m on fire. I have to go off to my next class now. Don’t get your hopes up on me writing again.
Monday 6:00 p.m.
I bet you feel like hot shit, huh? I’m writing again in you. I bet you like that. I’m so creepy! Anyway this is how my school day went: I didn’t learn shit. Disappointed? Join the club. My mom refuses to squeeze it into her head that I’m strange. But I love it! Today I heard an interesting question. If you could eat a celebrity who would it be and what would they taste like? (Sorry I’m a topic skipper). I think I would eat Johnny Depp because I wanna be a sexy pirate (Araggh!) and maybe those Twilight kids. Robert would taste like an English muffin, the crack lady would taste like crack and Taylor would taste like something sexy and chocolate. Now I’m hungry. To the kitchen!
Tuesday
So guess what. What? I’ve been partnered with the world’s biggest douche bag. No, not Spencer Pratt. Worst! His name is Jesse. He is a big meaty meat head a junior and my new science partner. Just my luck. The first thing he said was, “You smell funny.” I was, “What the hell?”I didn’t even talk to him when this little arrangement was made. So now I’m stuck with him the whole year. Unless he unfortunely dies. Hmmm… that could be arranged. I know people. Anyway, this jerk-off won’t leave me alone. He annoys the hell out of me. I just wanna crack a chair over his thick skull. But I don’t wanna hurt the chair.
Wednesday
My bestest best friend Angie told me that her mom gave her a tmi after she asked a simple question. So I had to ask, “What was the question.”
She said, “When did you first have sex?”
Ewww! I would never ask my mom that. Knowing her she’d think I was having sex and take me to the nearest Catholic Church to be bathe in Holy Water. But then a wonderful idea smacked me across the head. I rushed home from school so I could ask my mom the most awkward question ever.
Mom: Aliie, how was your day at school?
Me: Great, it was awesome.
Mom: (washing dishes) that’s great.
Me: Mom can I ask you something?
Mom: Anything.
Me: Do you and dad still partake in sexual intercourse. (Notice big words).
I swear it’s like her face went white.
Mom: Why have you heard anything?
Disgusting. Horrible pictures have flooded my thoughts.
Thursday
I surprised I have nearly survived the first week of torture. Just one more day and I can be free for two whole days of school. The weekend should be way longer by the way. But of course you can’t end a week of hell without something horrible. Just starch that first line out. I was innocently washing my hands after reliving myself when in walk… these blonde bimbos. Dun dun dun! I ignored there chatter trying to focus on my a, b, c’s (they say if you sing them while washing your hands it kills more germs or something.) So they push me out of their way trying to all get in the mirror at the same time. The first thing I thought was WWJD (what would Jesus do?) So I took my water bottle and poured in on their heads trying to cleanse them of their sins. I thought I was doing a good deed, but I ended up with a week’s worth a detention. Unfair.
Friday
So it’s now Friday. Hallujah! I miss summer so much. Okay, big news today peeps. Or me. I’m talking to my self here. Well actual my crazy English teacher. Holy hell! She has to read this. I should probably do some editing. Anyway I was floating along at my locker thinking about which books I needed. When a dark god walked up to me, Tony. He’s so cute. With my head stuffed in my locker I didn’t seem him coming so he came up like, “Hey.”
Me being stupid and thinking it was Angie asked, “Do you have any tampons I think I just started-“
It was awful!!!! I could have died. He gave me a funny look and was like, “No.”
I tried explaining to him that I thought he was my friend. I ended up apologizing a million times. He said it was okay, but then he said he had a meeting and had to run. When Angie found me I was banging my head against my locker.
“Allie, have you’ve been sniffing markers again?”
My name is Allison Alyssa Hayes a.k.a Aliie. I’m 14 and a freshman in high school. Whoo! The gate way to hell is more like it. I haven’t been here 3 hours and they having me writing in this shitty journal. Take that institute of higher learning. Your journal can kiss my ass. My first assignment of this year is to ‘document’ my ‘wonderful journey’ through my freshman year. The words of my English teacher. She’s wacked. A few fries short of a happy meal, her elevator doesn’t reach the top floor, a few pages of her book are missing. Ha ha. I think she could be on crack. She’s very shaky. Like Kristen Stewart. Ha ha I’m on fire. I have to go off to my next class now. Don’t get your hopes up on me writing again.
Monday 6:00 p.m.
I bet you feel like hot shit, huh? I’m writing again in you. I bet you like that. I’m so creepy! Anyway this is how my school day went: I didn’t learn shit. Disappointed? Join the club. My mom refuses to squeeze it into her head that I’m strange. But I love it! Today I heard an interesting question. If you could eat a celebrity who would it be and what would they taste like? (Sorry I’m a topic skipper). I think I would eat Johnny Depp because I wanna be a sexy pirate (Araggh!) and maybe those Twilight kids. Robert would taste like an English muffin, the crack lady would taste like crack and Taylor would taste like something sexy and chocolate. Now I’m hungry. To the kitchen!
Tuesday
So guess what. What? I’ve been partnered with the world’s biggest douche bag. No, not Spencer Pratt. Worst! His name is Jesse. He is a big meaty meat head a junior and my new science partner. Just my luck. The first thing he said was, “You smell funny.” I was, “What the hell?”I didn’t even talk to him when this little arrangement was made. So now I’m stuck with him the whole year. Unless he unfortunely dies. Hmmm… that could be arranged. I know people. Anyway, this jerk-off won’t leave me alone. He annoys the hell out of me. I just wanna crack a chair over his thick skull. But I don’t wanna hurt the chair.
Wednesday
My bestest best friend Angie told me that her mom gave her a tmi after she asked a simple question. So I had to ask, “What was the question.”
She said, “When did you first have sex?”
Ewww! I would never ask my mom that. Knowing her she’d think I was having sex and take me to the nearest Catholic Church to be bathe in Holy Water. But then a wonderful idea smacked me across the head. I rushed home from school so I could ask my mom the most awkward question ever.
Mom: Aliie, how was your day at school?
Me: Great, it was awesome.
Mom: (washing dishes) that’s great.
Me: Mom can I ask you something?
Mom: Anything.
Me: Do you and dad still partake in sexual intercourse. (Notice big words).
I swear it’s like her face went white.
Mom: Why have you heard anything?
Disgusting. Horrible pictures have flooded my thoughts.
Thursday
I surprised I have nearly survived the first week of torture. Just one more day and I can be free for two whole days of school. The weekend should be way longer by the way. But of course you can’t end a week of hell without something horrible. Just starch that first line out. I was innocently washing my hands after reliving myself when in walk… these blonde bimbos. Dun dun dun! I ignored there chatter trying to focus on my a, b, c’s (they say if you sing them while washing your hands it kills more germs or something.) So they push me out of their way trying to all get in the mirror at the same time. The first thing I thought was WWJD (what would Jesus do?) So I took my water bottle and poured in on their heads trying to cleanse them of their sins. I thought I was doing a good deed, but I ended up with a week’s worth a detention. Unfair.
Friday
So it’s now Friday. Hallujah! I miss summer so much. Okay, big news today peeps. Or me. I’m talking to my self here. Well actual my crazy English teacher. Holy hell! She has to read this. I should probably do some editing. Anyway I was floating along at my locker thinking about which books I needed. When a dark god walked up to me, Tony. He’s so cute. With my head stuffed in my locker I didn’t seem him coming so he came up like, “Hey.”
Me being stupid and thinking it was Angie asked, “Do you have any tampons I think I just started-“
It was awful!!!! I could have died. He gave me a funny look and was like, “No.”
I tried explaining to him that I thought he was my friend. I ended up apologizing a million times. He said it was okay, but then he said he had a meeting and had to run. When Angie found me I was banging my head against my locker.
“Allie, have you’ve been sniffing markers again?”
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i hope it's funny ^^