These Walls I've Built Around Myself

I jolted from my daydream when books where slammed on the table in front of me. I glanced up at the person who had dropped them. I looked into a pair of green eyes, my mothers. I winced as I realized she would not be happy with me for spacing out again.

“Lucy, Dear,” she shook her head at me in disapproval. “Would you please stop staring off into space and help me plan your wedding?” She sat in the chair across from me and gave me a stern look. “Honestly Dear, you must be ecstatic!” She put her long blonde hair behind her ear. “Wonderful things will come from this marriage. I know it.” With that she turned her attention to the books on the table. Yes wonderful things would come from this wedding for her, but not for me.

It didn’t feel like my wedding, but even though my mother asked for my help in planning it, I would still have no say in the planning. My mother just had me sit here in the kitchen with her to tell her how great her choices for everything were. She didn’t really listen to my comments. When she would ask for my opinion I would just tell her how wonderful it was. Half the time I didn’t even know what she was talking about. Whether she was talking about the dress, the food that would be served, or the choice in the music. It didn’t matter, because no one cared for my opinion. This was an arranged marriage to the richest, nastiest man I knew, Ethan Berkeley. Plenty of girls envy me for getting his attention. Well they can have him, for I would gladly give him up.

I flipped through the wedding book, half looking at the dresses pictured in it. If I was to be wed to a wonderful man that I loved then I would be more into this, but I was marrying a monster. There was nothing I could do about it though. My parents wanted the attention they would get from this and the money. Why Ethan wants me I have no clue, but I know he doesn’t love me. He showers me in gifts and tells me he loves me, but I know he doesn’t. He probably just wants me for another one of his greedy plans for money or power. I sighed and looked out the window.

Before my mother had pulled me out of my daydream I had been doing so. I was imagining the usual. A fairy tale ending. Something along the lines of my Prince Charming rescuing me from my wedding and us riding off into the sunset on his horse. As cheesy or corny as it may seem, I was actually that desperate. I would do anything to get out of this arranged marriage and find adventure and romance. I wanted to find the man of my dreams. I often imagined what he would look like. I hoped I would find him some day, but the day my parents introduced me to Ethan, my dreams were shattered.

A knock was heard and I turned around to see Alice. My mothers personal maid. I hated that we had a maid, but my parents were old fashioned and thought it necessary to have one.

“Excuse me, Mrs. Ashby,” she said nervously. She was afraid of my parents. They often threatened her. Alice was my friend though and I often saved her from my parent’s heated rage. “I’m sorry to interrupt you. I know your busy, but Evelyn has sent her son with a message. He said the alterations on Miss Lucy’s dress are finished and you can pick it up now.”

Evelyn was the local tailor. She was a tall, middle aged woman with short graying hair. She helped my mother pick out the “perfect” wedding dress for me.

My mother clapped her hands together, excited. “That’s wonderful!” She turned to look at me. “I can’t wait to see it on you, Honey.” I winced. I was tired of trying on the retched thing. “Alice,” she said sternly, “would you go get it for me?”

I stood up and pushed the chair back under the table. “That’s alright, Mother. I will go get it. I need some fresh air anyways.” I actually wanted to get away from my mother for a while and the fuss about weddings. Plus I knew Alice was swamped with work right now, so I thought I would help her out. I considered her my friend after all.

My mother looked at me, debating. After a few moments she smiled and said, “Sure Dear, hurry along though. Dinner will be ready soon. And don’t talk to anyone while your out.” You could hear the clear demand in that last statement. My mother didn’t let me out much. She kept me locked in a cage. I walked from the room.

Alice smiled at me sweetly. “Thank you, Lucy.” She handed me my coat at the door.

“Your welcome. I know you have a lot of work to do so I thought I would help.” I opened the door and stepped out. “It’s my dress anyways…I’m the one getting married.” I fought back tears.

Alice hugged me. “It’s alright, Lucy. Your luck will change. I’m sure you will find happiness. In whatever form it comes it, you will surely find it.” She smiled then went back inside to continue her chores.

I pulled the hood of my coat over my head and walked into the snow on my way to the tailor shop. Walking slowly, enjoying the quiet December afternoon. I kicked the snow under my boots as I walked along the winding path into town.