These Walls I've Built Around Myself

I continued to stare at the mystery man before me. I began to feel like an idiot as I desperately thought for something to say. He stared intently back at me, with a worried expression.

“Y-yes,” I managed to say. “I’m fine. I’m perfectly fine.” I put on a fake smile, expecting him to buy it. Everyone else always did. He continued to watch me, almost study my expression. He didn’t seem to believe me.

“Miss, with all due respect, you don’t look fine to me.” He continued to stare at me with those damn gorgeous eyes. A feeling inside me, one I haven’t felt in a very long time, immerged. A feeling of wonder. No one has ever paid this much attention to me, or cared this much. When I told someone I was okay, they usually went along with it, for they didn’t care enough to notice I was truly depressed.

I looked away from his gaze and tried to get up. He noticed this and helped me up out of the snow. “Could it be about this dress, Miss? Most brides would be excited about getting married though.” His long black hair blew in the slight wind. It tossed his scent towards me and I thought I would fall to my knees right then. His scent was of the most delicious cologne. I savored his scent.

I forced out a laugh, it was shaky. “No, its nothing.” There I went again, putting up my walls, my defenses. He looked at me. He still didn’t believe me it seemed. Damn him and his persistence. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? I needed to get away from him and now! Mother wouldn’t be happy if she knew I disobeyed her and spoke with another man then the one I was engaged to. I looked into his eyes again. A big mistake. They captured me yet again and I couldn’t look away.

“I…I should…go…” I breathed. I reluctantly looked away, taking in a deep breath and began to walk away. He grabbed my arm ever so lightly. So much more lightly then the way Ethan ever touched me. I stopped and turned back to look in his eyes. “Can I at least know your name, Miss?”

I debated that for a minute and decided it best if I just left, now! I was scared. I needed to go. Mother wouldn’t be happy. “I-I don’t know…” I said, trying to look away from him.

“Its just a simple name, but I will respect your wishes…” He let go of my arm, giving me a chance to leave. But I couldn’t leave, not just yet. I was still drawn in by his eyes. I took one step back. I knew my expression was one of alarm and he seemed to know this. He looked at me sadly.

“My name is Lucy. Lucy Ashby.” With that I turned and ran away. I heard him say my name to himself as I ran. I knew he was watching my retreating figure. I just had to get away from him. Spending anymore time with him would be a huge mistake. Even though I knew I should stay away from him, a part of me hoped I would see him again…

I ran up the porch steps of my house and through the door. “Lucy, Dear, is that you?” I heard my mother's voice from the kitchen. Was she still going through those stupid books? “Yes, Mother. It's me.” I looked back out the door in the direction of that man.

She appeared in the doorway to the kitchen. “Oh! You have the dress. Come now, Dear. Let’s see that dress on you!” She ushered me up the stairs to my room.

She helped me into the horrid thing, then pushed me over in front of the full length mirror in my room and took on an expression of self pride. “Did I tell you it would look amazing on you or what?”

I stared at the girl in the mirror unemotionally. The dress flowed over her curves in all the right places, accenting her narrow waist and decent sized chest. The dress had one inch sleeves and a deep V neck. The dress flowed down the girl’s body and hung away at the bottom in a series of ruffles. I looked up at the girl’s face. She didn’t look happy. I knew her pain.

I heard foot steps on the wood floor and I turned to see Alice. My mother turned to her with a look of disgust. “What the hell do you want?” my mother said and I desperately wanted to smack her. It was such an embarrassment to be related to this horrible woman.

“Mr. Berkeley is here for dinner, Mrs. Ashby.” she gulped. My mother took one last look at the dress. “Excellent. Now help Lucy out of her dress and into something nice for Mr. Berkeley.” She smiled then left the room.

I gave Alice a startled look. She rushed over to me. “What’s wrong, Lucy?” I looked at her. I turned back to the mirror and looked at the alarmed girl in the mirror. “I don’t know what is going on. I met a man. An absolutely gorgeous man.”

Alice seemed to get the idea. She smiled, “See your luck is changing just as I had predicted.”

“No, Alice,” I cried, looking at her. “That’s just the thing. I am engaged. I can’t disobey mother. I hardly know this man at all. I just want to forget about him. I am scared, Alice.” I looked at her.

“Oh, Lucy,” she hugged me. “It seems to me that you are interested in this man.” She helped me slip out of my dress and hung it in the closet. “Anything can happen when you truly love someone.” With that she left the room.

I picked up my dress that was lying on my bed and hugged it. I was so confused. I didn’t know what to do.

“Lucy!” my mother called up the stairs. “Hurry up! Mr. Berkeley is waiting.”

I quickly slipped my dress on and took one last look at my reflection in the mirror. My make-up was smeared from crying, so I quickly ran to the bathroom and took it all off. I took two deep breaths then walked to the top of the stairs. I descended them with an overall sense of dread. I was about to enter a room with the nastiest man alive, my fiancé.