Track 05 : Life.

“Go do something. You shouldn’t be inside. Its Saturday.”

Can’t. “With you?”

Anyone. “Not necessarily. Why don’t you call Torie? She’s your friend, right?”

No thanks. “Naw.”

I don’t understand. “Why not? She’s a good girl.”

You don’t understand. “She’s probably out with Re-Anne. Or something.” I don’t care. ”I don’t know.” Really. “I just don’t want to.” I don’t care.

I don’t know what to do. “Well. Would you like to do something with me?”

No. no. no. “Maybe later.” Leave me alone, please. Just leave me alone.

You’re worrying me. “Come on! We can go bowling. Would you like that?” Please, say yes.

Not really. I just want to stay inside. “Mom! Please. Would you just listen to me?”

I’m sorry. “I’m sorry.”

I didn’t mean to yell. Please forgive me. “Whatever.” I love you.

Life is waiting for you. “Oh! I know, why don’t you go and call Gabby?” Humor me.

Oh, mom. She doesn’t like me. “No.” I hate my life, sometimes.

I hate these people. “Why not? It’s a great idea!”

Please mom, don’t make me cry. “Because! I don’t want to! God! I wish you’d just listen to me.”

It’s alright. I still love you. “Okay. Alright, you don’t have to. I just want to see you having fun, okay? We’ll survive.

I know that. “I know. Can you please go?” Is anybody there? Does any care?

*

Sometimes I don’t know what I should do.

*

I hate going to school.

*

How many times has her friends let her down?

*

Is anybody safe? I wish I could walk away.

*

I wish she’d get new friends. She has such a great heart.

*

Is it selfish of me to wish they would die? Is that morbid?

*

I’m afraid. She’s a good kid.

*

Sometimes, I wish I were strong. Wish I could walk away. I want to walk away.

*

“It’s not you, Gabby. It kind of is, but its more her fault.”

I’m sorry? “What do you mean?” I haven’t done anything.

“You’re being really rude.”

This is so messed up. “How?”

“You know how.”

I don’t understand. “How am I supposed to not do it if you won’t tell me?”

“Whatever.”

I’d like to slap you. Does anybody care? Gabby? Will you stand up for me?

*

“She’s kind of a bully.”

*

I know.

*

“Justine? Have you been bullied by her?”

Yes. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?”

She does. “I guess.”

“Is she always trying to put you down?”

Yes. “Kind of. I guess.”

“Alright. Does she intimidate you?”

Non. “No.”

“She doesn’t?”

I just gave you the answer. “She doesn’t.”

“Alright. You know why she does this?”

I could take a guess. “No.”

“It’s because she’s insecure. She feels better when she bullies you. You let it get to you, if you just ignore her, she’ll stop.”

So it’s my fault, now? I brought this on myself? “Oh.” Why does everyone tell me its because she has low self-esteem?

“Do you believe me, Justine?”

No. “Yes.”

“Do you feel better?”

No. “Yes.”

“Alright.”

*

The answer for everything is because they have low self esteem. Don’t mind them, its your fault their picking on you. Just ignore them. It’ll get better. It’s been going on for six years, it’s all your fault. Your fault your shy. Of course, it is.

*

Don’t let anyone tell you different. You’re a great kid, smart, pretty, nice.

*

But its your fault. You know what? If you just ignore her, she’ll go away. You get bored when there’s nothing fun to play with. Do you believe me? No.

*

You should just leave her, make some new friends. You deserve some new friends. She’s not worth it. You’re amazing, Justine, you know that? Because you are.

*

Life’s just waiting for you, it’s all messed up right now, but we’ll survive. We’ll get high, lost, drown, a lot of the time. but life’s still waiting for you. Just go for it.