Undecided.

“Jesus, Tosh, do you know what the time is?” Die groaned, black eyes half closed, squinting sleepily at the drenched bassist on his doorstep. He received a small shrug and a half-hearted smile before his blue haired friend pushed his way past him into the apartment. “Don’t mind me….” The redhead grumbled, slamming the door shut and shuffling inelegantly to the lounge, holding his duvet tightly around his half naked form.

Toshiya perched on the edge of the couch with his head in his hands, oblivious to the glowering guitarist watching him from the doorway. Die’s frustration and annoyance melted away as quickly as it came, the glare in his dark eyes softening suddenly to be replaced by compassion. He knew that there had to be a good reason for the younger man to come to his house at midnight in the pouring rain, without so much as a phone call beforehand and he already had an idea as to what that reason was.

“Kyo again?” The redhead asked, his voice still slightly slurred from lack of sleep. He sat awkwardly on one of the couch’s arms, clinging desperately to his duvet in an effort to keep warm and to keep his best friend from seeing his nipples. Toshiya nodded slowly, a small sad smile playing on his lips as he looked up at the older man, wet blue hair sticking to his face.

Die sighed, pouting slightly as he considered all the times he’d been stuck in the middle of the couple’s problems. It was only natural, of course, considering he was friends with both of them and the easiest to talk to out of the three straight band members. But he’d become slightly jaded by the process of constantly being whined at by two grown men that didn’t seem able to sort their differences out like adults.

Plus, it was always the same argument that drove the lovers apart and Die knew it off by heart. The blond vocalist was always too afraid of his own emotions to fully show his commitment to the younger bassist and Toshiya was always too forward and blunt to realise Kyo needed his own space, that he wasn’t one to freely let his emotions out.

The only reason Die hadn’t told them to give up was that he knew both men cared deeply about their respective partners. Toshiya had gushed endlessly about the short blond when they had first met, claiming the vocalist was the love of his life. Even Kyo had admitted to Die that he truly loved the bassist, though it had taken a few beers and a promise from the guitarist that he would keep it a secret before he felt able to confess.

Toshiya also knew deep down that Kyo didn’t mean to push him away but he couldn’t deny it hurt his feelings. Why else would he force himself on his longhaired friend in the dead of night, ending up soaking wet on an unfamiliar couch instead of at home? He hadn’t thought about running away until he was actually doing it, hadn’t known where he was going until he was outside Die’s apartment under the glare of the city’s bright lights. It was pure impulse, instinct telling him he had to get away, if only for a little while.

But what did he have to get away from? Kyo? The apartment? The life he was living with the small vocalist? He had no idea and suddenly he felt slightly stupid, as if he’d overreacted. It wasn’t like they’d had a real argument this time. It was just something Kyo had said, the way he said it, the dismissive action that accompanied the words that had made Toshiya snap.

The bassist had suggested a few days ago that they could go out for dinner, or to the club, or to the cinema for a late night film. They hadn’t been out together in a while, not properly, at least and Toshiya missed the days when Kyo gave him his undivided attention and accompanied him on his nights out. The vocalist had agreed that it was a good idea, that he had been so obsessed with writing his new song that he hadn’t really been out much at all, that they should spend some time together.

Toshiya had allowed himself to get excited, made an extra effort with his clothes and his hair, truly looking forward to a date with his partner. Only, when it was time to leave, he found the blond wasn’t ready, hunched over his notebook with an old tracksuit on, frowning slightly as he muttered the words he’d just scribbled on the page. The bassist simply stood in the doorway, disappointment etched over every inch of his face and when Kyo looked up, he didn’t see it.

“Hey, Tosh? Which do you think sounds better?” The vocalist’s tired eyes quickly returned to the page, reading over the two possible lyrics that were competing to stay in the song, his brain still not registering the drop in the younger man’s mood. “’There is nowhere these two can go, having their backs to each other’ or ‘the two who turned their backs on each other have nowhere to go’?”

“Erm… the second one… I think.” Toshiya answered, his voice weak, betraying every emotion that pulsed through his veins.

“Yeah, I thought so too,” Kyo nodded in agreement, scribbling out the first lyric and frowning again as his dark eyes focused on a line further down the page, “‘turn me into a memory and head to the new ocean’. Does that sound okay?”

“Yeah, Kyo, it’s fine,” the dark haired man snapped angrily, finally making the shorter man look at him properly and notice something was wrong. But, before he could ask what was troubling his younger partner, he received the answer. “I thought we were meant to be going out tonight?”

“Oh,” Kyo’s eyes widened, as he had honestly forgotten their date. He sighed and smiled apologetically, hoping the other man would understand. “Tosh, I really need to get this done. To keep Kaoru happy, you know?” His eyes returned to the page again and he pursed his lips before speaking again in a slightly firmer tone, not looking back up at his lover. “We’ll go out some other time, okay?”

“Yeah, sure.” Toshiya said, his voice slightly higher as he fought with himself to gain control and not break down. The blond lifted his gaze to the other man’s face in time to see his defenses fail and emotions take over. “Yeah. As long as Kaoru’s happy, everything’s fine!” Suddenly, he couldn’t bear to be in the same room, no, the same apartment, as the other man and he ran from the room, ran from the apartment and found himself outside in the pouring rain, waiting and wishing for Kyo to come after him. He didn’t and so Toshiya continued to run, through the bright lights of the city, until he reached his friend’s apartment and collapsed against the wall, panting for breath as he rung the bell.

“Have you tried talking to him?” Die’s voice brought Toshiya back to reality and he looked up at his friend, slightly dazed and confused. The redhead yawned and rubbed his eyes, glancing at the clock on the wall.

The bassist smiled despite himself, thankful that he had the guitarist to fall back on even though he was exhausted. He shook his head in response to the question and sighed. “He’s impossible to talk to. You should know that. You’ve known him longer than me.”

Die chuckled softly, a smile working its way to his lips. “Yeah, I’ve known him longer than you and he is a stubborn asshole at times.” He cocked his head to the side, his brown eyes glinting in the darkness, “But he’s not impossible. You should know that.”

“Can I stay here tonight?” The blue haired man stared pleadingly at his older friend, changing the subject abruptly. “Please?” He didn’t want to face his lover tonight, not after the scene he had created before he left and he felt Die would understand that. He was wrong.

“No, Toshiya!” The redhead growled exasperated, jumping off the arm of the couch and grabbing his friend’s wrist, pulling him to his feet and losing his duvet in the process. He didn’t care much, too busy escorting the younger man from his house, inwardly relieved that he had decided to wear underwear to bed that night. He managed to get him out the front door, pushing him back into the rain. “Go now!”

“But, Die…” Toshiya whined, ignoring the curious glances and wolf-whistles a group of girls were giving them. The redhead shook his head, grinning widely and slammed the door in his face. Then he leaned against it, the grin fading, wondering if he had made the right decision. He was sure he did, certain that this situation was best resolved sooner rather than later and knew that both men would thank him in the end.

Toshiya cursed him from the other, wetter side of the door and turned to walk back home, hanging his head against the steady downpour. The journey home seemed shorter that the one he had taken to get to Die’s, despite the fact it was the same route both ways, the same bright lights that led the way, the same houses that held so many secrets from the outside world. He had taken his time but he still got there quicker than he would’ve liked, found himself at his front door without being at all prepared. Still, with a deep breath, he turned the key in the lock and stepped inside.

The place seemed to be empty, deadly silent and still. Toshiya moved to the doorway of the lounge, resting his head against the wood, sighing as he stared into the vacant room in front of him. Kyo had probably gone to bed and he felt reassured that he wouldn’t have to talk to him until the morning came. He turned around, intending to head to the bathroom and find a towel to dry himself off but was halted by a pair of dark, tired eyes staring up at him and a voice laced with both worry and affection.

“You’re soaking,” The blond man smiled, a gentle expression that made his partner feel better instantly. “Go sit down on the bed and I’ll dry you off.”

The younger man did as he was told, remaining silent and perching on the edge of the mattress as he watched his lover enter the bathroom and return with a huge fluffy towel, one that Kyo usually kept for himself since it was the softest and largest.

Gently, the vocalist rubbed the excess water out of the sodden blue strands of hair, taking care not to be too rough, making sure to take his time to be close to the other man. Toshiya found himself enjoying the moment much more than he should’ve, but he couldn’t help it. It was a gesture that had made what happened earlier that night melt into nothingness and he was truly grateful for it.

When he had finished with the hair, Kyo let the towel fall to the floor, wiping the raindrops off the bassist’s face with his fingers, settling on his lover’s lap and clinging to his neck so as not to fall off. Toshiya’s eyes had fallen shut of their own accord, a small smile playing on his lips and the shorter man couldn’t help but to claim those lips in a soft, short kiss.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered earnestly against the taller man’s mouth before burying his head in Toshiya’s neck, his fingers tangling in the bassist’s hair. He was sorry, more than he could comprehend and wasn’t sure if he could make it up to the other man.

But, as far as Toshiya was concerned, he already had and he wrapped his arms around the vocalist tightly, pulling him closer and kissing his forehead. “Did you get the song finished?” He asked after a few minutes of content silence, wondering inwardly if this would make Kyo annoyed. But, he was genuinely interested and wanted to know.

“Nope.” The vocalist merely shrugged, his head resting on Toshiya’s shoulder. He’d forgotten about the song and didn’t know why the other had brought it up again.

“Won’t Kaoru be pissed?” Toshiya raised an eyebrow, grinning at his partner to show he wasn’t completely serious.

Kyo chuckled, sitting up straight again, his gaze wandering admiringly over his lover’s face. “Kaoru can go fuck himself.” He stated, hoping that his words were enough to make Toshiya see that he was his main priority, that he honestly loved him. He had never been one to tell his feelings bluntly, not because he didn’t want to, but because he didn’t quite know how and sometimes, as a result, he didn’t know if his partner realized how important he was to him.

This time, Toshiya knew, rewarding the smaller man with a short but heartfelt kiss.