With Every Strike Of Lightning.

I’d been mute for 4 days now. After Alex left me in the hospital, having broken up with me not long after loosing his baby I was distraught and the best way I could think of to get over it was to not speak or voice my problems.

Until Kevin came into the room, I stayed quite. I stared back at Claire, Jordan and mum blankly, ignoring their pleas for me to speak again. I just couldn’t though.

Kevin sat down on the bed after my mum left and took my hand in his. I looked away from him, not able to cope with anything he would say.

“Lauren, please talk.” Kevin begged.

I stayed silent looking out of the window next to the bed.

“Please. Look, if you need to, scream, shout, cry, whisper, do what ever you feel you need to do. Just please, talk to me.” Kevin begged, I could hear his voice get caught in his throat slightly.

I still stayed silent; ignoring his pleas even though I could tell this was killing him just as much as it was killing my family and best friends.

“Fine then, ill sing.” Kevin whispered.

Pick up all your tears
Throw em in your backseat
Leave without a second glance
Somehow I'm to blame
For this never-ending racetrack you call life He sang to me, the song he’d wrote to stop me from leaving him and going back to England two years ago.

Tears welled in my eyes but I fought them back and sang with him. my voice cracking slightly, but that was expected after being mute for 4 days.

Turn right
Into my arms
Turn right
You won't be alone
You might
Fall off this track sometimes
Hope to see you on the finish line I sang before breaking down into tears and falling into Kevin’s awaiting arms. He held me as I sobbed.

Moments later, Claire burst into the room, Joe following behind her.

After the first show in a week
That night, we’d decided that we would no longer perform Revenge is Sweeter because of the meaning behind it needed to be forgotten. After the show, I went back to the bus straight away, not even bothering to wait around. I may have told Claire and Jordan that life goes on and it does, but for me, my life needed to stop after id done the shows. After taking a quick shower, I crawled under the covers in my bunk and kissed the small scan before drifting off to sleep.

I woke up in the morning to the smell of toast. I sighed before heaving myself out of my bunk. I knew Claire and Jordan had only cooked the toast to make sure I ate something because of my lack of eating for the past few days.

“Morning.” I yawned as I sat down at the table.

“Hey.” Jordan smiled sympathetically.

“Toast?” Claire said, offering me a plate.

“Im good thanks.” I smiled, resting my head on the table.

“Eat.” Claire said, shoving the plate onto the table in front of me.

“Do I have to?” I quizzed, looking at the slightly burnt toast.

“Yes. We have to do a press thing today. Simon’s explained everything but they want to talk to you.”

“Great. More sympathy.” I sighed, taking a bite of the toast.

“Come on Laur, think about all the people that wanna make sure you’re ok.” Jordan offered as I excused myself to watch morning cartoons.

“I guess.” I said, plonking myself down onto the sofa.

Just as I sat down, my phone buzzed in the kitchen. Sighing, I went to stand up but was soon having my phone pushed into my hands by a very smiley Jordan.

“Who is it?” I asked, knowing she’d looked.

“It’s not my place to say. Just answer it.” Jordan sang before going out into the kitchen with Claire again.

I smiled before answering my phone.

“Lauren!” Frankie yelled down the phone.

“Frankie!” I mimicked.

“Are you ok now?” He asked sadly.

“Im ok thanks Frankie. As good as I could be I guess. Thank you for asking.” I smiled.

“That’s ok Lauren. I have to go now. Mom says I need to eat breakfast. Bye.”

“Ok. Bye.” I smiled before hanging up.

I stood up, left my plate in the sink and then went, grabbed some clothes and changed ready for the hard day ahead of me.

Once I was ready, wearing a pair of loose combats and a baggy t-shirt, I pulled my hair into a messy ponytail and went into the living area of the bus. Simon would be here soon with the reporter who would be telling my story to the millions of people who were demanding to know the full story.

As I walked into the living area, I smiled weakly as I saw Claire and Jordan sat on the sofa. Next to them was Simon and a small woman who was obviously the interviewer. I grabbed the bean bag in the corner and picked up the small teddy bear that Alex had brought for our baby. Even though I hated him now for not being able to stand by me, I couldn’t seem to get rid of the bear, just like the scan pictures.

“Hi Lauren, im Sue from Ok magazine.” The small lady introduced herself.

“Hi.” I said weakly, hugging the bear close to my stomach.

“Im sorry for your lose.”

“Thank you.”

“Do you mind answering these questions?”

“Nope. The worlds gotta know the truth and they have to know that im slowly getting over it.”

“Ok. So, the first question we have to ask you is how long gone were you?”

“Just gone 12 weeks. Nearly 13.”

“What happened?”

“Im not sure. I don’t think I want to know either. All I know is I woke up in the morning with the worst pains ever, I was rushed to the hospital, I had another scan and then the doctors came and told me id lost my baby.”

“Oh im so sorry. How are you coping?”

“Im coping as best as could be expected I guess. If it wasn’t for Claire and Jordan being here, I would have been an emotional mess right now.”

“You girls really are close aren’t you?”

“Claire and Jordan are my rocks, my best friends my adopted sisters and id be nothing without them.” I smiled as they both moved to hug me tightly.

“That’s sweet. Now Lauren, we hear you became mute for a few days after the miscarriage. Is that true?”

“Yeah it is. I thought it was the only way to get over my lose, I thought bottling everything up would make it a lot easier for me to cope with and I thought that if I told Claire, Jordan or my mum how I was feeling I might hurt them worse than I was hurting myself. I realise now that by doing it, I hurt them more than I thought.”

“That must have been hard for you all.”

“It was.” Claire answered.

“It was horrible seeing Lauren the way she was.” Jordan added.

“Im just glad Kevin came along to help her.” Claire smiled weakly, squeezing my hand for support.

“Kevin Jonas?”

“Yeah.” I nodded.

“How did Kevin help? I thought you weren’t exactly friends anymore.”

“Kevin brought me out of my depression I guess. He sang to me, something I thought id never hear again and it made me realise that I couldn’t keep hurting everyone the way I was. We weren’t friends but he was the first to find out about my pregnancy. He can see through me so much, better than Claire and Jordan can which is kind of funny really because ive been friends with Claire for god knows how many years.” I smiled.

“Do you think that you went back to performing to quick?”

“Not at all. I wanted to thank the fans for their support. Ive seen all of the sites started and ive read all of the messages. The best way to thank them properly was to un cancel the shows we hadn’t yet missed and give them the best show I could do. To give them my explanation.”

“Thank you for answering these questions, I know it must be hard for you.”

“That’s ok. I want my story to be known to every one that wants to know it.”

I thanked the interviewer again before showing her the way out of the bus along with Simon. Once they’d gone, I collapsed onto the sofa, Claire and Jordan sitting either side of me. I hugged them both before excusing myself to go back to my bunk to grab some more sleep before doing another show tonight.