London Beckoned- Songs About Money Written by Machines
I Want to Save You
Every flash of the strobe lights and the cameras made time stop. I could look around at a still frame picture. It was like an old movie. A black and white world stabbing at my eyes. Suddenly, a flash of color. Green. Red. Blue. Yellow. Chimara.
I screamed so loudly that it was the only thing I could hear, but when I stopped, the crowd was erupting. Someone hit my ribs, pushed me into the mosh. I almost slipped on the beer and sweat and blood on the cold cement floor. Some kid smacked his face pretty hard. Beat around, I slammed into a blonde kid with a plaid shirt. I met his eyes for just a second, and I was back in the mosh.
I got to sleep at six-thirty the next morning. I left an hour and a half later with my friend to make mistakes and sleep more. I lied to my mom. I drove away pretty quickly, sucking on a Camel Filter.
I felt so sick, like I needed to throw up. It was the food the night before. I fell asleep in my boyfriends arms.
I should make it clear that I sleepwalk. I got up ten times to roam the outside of the apartment building. It was insane, I didn't remember anything about the sleepwalking, only the nightmares. My friend had to tell me.
Everything was exactly the same as reality, except in a sick, demented Alice In Wonderland way. I knew it wasn't real very quickly, when I awoke to reality after the first nightmare. Prison of Deception.
In the nightmare, the room was dark, even though I knew it was the middle of the day. The only color was red. The same red from the flashing strobes. Outside, the sky was gray, a dark ominous gray. Everything was a shade of black, gray, or red.
I was in a Gate of Oblivion right outside of my friends apartment.
I felt terror. Pure, jaw-clenching terror. I feared for my life and I had no idea why. That's all I can remember. I can still feel that terror in me. It made it hard to breathe, hard to swallow, hard to live.
Ten sub-sequent nightmares horrified me within the two hours of sleeping. I forced my boyfriend awake after the last one. Forced him to talk to me. Forced him to keep me awake. He couldn't. I stood and walked around the dirty apartment.
I didn't want anymore nightmares. I wanted to be comfortable and alone. In the bath or in a cold shower. I didn't get home until three-thirty. I promised I'd text my boyfriend. I didn't and he texted me. I ignored it. I'd say that I didn't get it the next time I saw him and he asked about it.
The only soothing thing at that moment was lying in my bra and underwear with cold, wet hair in my own bed. It'd be so long since I'd been in my own bed, my own house. I hated being alone. I felt so alone. Always.
I can't stop thinking about the nightmares. They cloud my mind like a bittercold biting at my sore neck. Everything hurt. I knew it must be more emotional pain than physical. I just wanted to sleep, but I couldn't, I was afraid to sleep again. So afraid. I didn't want to go to the pits of Hell again. Never. I didn't care if I died from insomnia.
I reentered my nightmares in my waking state. I walked slowly outside the Unseen Hell. There was no one, no innocence, only corrupt aloneness. Maybe this was my death. I saw a man, I walked toward him. I was falling asleep again. I was so tired. I tried to stay awake; I tried so hard. He whispered something. I listened closely.
"I want to save you... But--" I awoke.
I screamed so loudly that it was the only thing I could hear, but when I stopped, the crowd was erupting. Someone hit my ribs, pushed me into the mosh. I almost slipped on the beer and sweat and blood on the cold cement floor. Some kid smacked his face pretty hard. Beat around, I slammed into a blonde kid with a plaid shirt. I met his eyes for just a second, and I was back in the mosh.
I got to sleep at six-thirty the next morning. I left an hour and a half later with my friend to make mistakes and sleep more. I lied to my mom. I drove away pretty quickly, sucking on a Camel Filter.
I felt so sick, like I needed to throw up. It was the food the night before. I fell asleep in my boyfriends arms.
I should make it clear that I sleepwalk. I got up ten times to roam the outside of the apartment building. It was insane, I didn't remember anything about the sleepwalking, only the nightmares. My friend had to tell me.
Everything was exactly the same as reality, except in a sick, demented Alice In Wonderland way. I knew it wasn't real very quickly, when I awoke to reality after the first nightmare. Prison of Deception.
In the nightmare, the room was dark, even though I knew it was the middle of the day. The only color was red. The same red from the flashing strobes. Outside, the sky was gray, a dark ominous gray. Everything was a shade of black, gray, or red.
I was in a Gate of Oblivion right outside of my friends apartment.
I felt terror. Pure, jaw-clenching terror. I feared for my life and I had no idea why. That's all I can remember. I can still feel that terror in me. It made it hard to breathe, hard to swallow, hard to live.
Ten sub-sequent nightmares horrified me within the two hours of sleeping. I forced my boyfriend awake after the last one. Forced him to talk to me. Forced him to keep me awake. He couldn't. I stood and walked around the dirty apartment.
I didn't want anymore nightmares. I wanted to be comfortable and alone. In the bath or in a cold shower. I didn't get home until three-thirty. I promised I'd text my boyfriend. I didn't and he texted me. I ignored it. I'd say that I didn't get it the next time I saw him and he asked about it.
The only soothing thing at that moment was lying in my bra and underwear with cold, wet hair in my own bed. It'd be so long since I'd been in my own bed, my own house. I hated being alone. I felt so alone. Always.
I can't stop thinking about the nightmares. They cloud my mind like a bittercold biting at my sore neck. Everything hurt. I knew it must be more emotional pain than physical. I just wanted to sleep, but I couldn't, I was afraid to sleep again. So afraid. I didn't want to go to the pits of Hell again. Never. I didn't care if I died from insomnia.
I reentered my nightmares in my waking state. I walked slowly outside the Unseen Hell. There was no one, no innocence, only corrupt aloneness. Maybe this was my death. I saw a man, I walked toward him. I was falling asleep again. I was so tired. I tried to stay awake; I tried so hard. He whispered something. I listened closely.
"I want to save you... But--" I awoke.