I Will Breathe Fire
Memphis Will Be Laid To Waste
“Frank…” Gerard sighed before taking my hand in his. He heard it, they heard it, I’m just not sure I did.
Static was the best word to describe my movements. It felt surreal, I mean… I couldn’t feel anything. ‘Is this what it’s like to have you’re heart torn out?’ Tears ran down my face when my eyes could no longer hold onto them.
“Aiden…” Gerard whispered. I don’t know what happened but something in my head just snapped, Gerard’s voice felt like a tonne of bricks on impact. I turned to him with a smile on my face which gradually turned into a frown which later on turned into a silently sob.
“I knew it, fuck. I fucking knew it; I just had to say it didn’t I?” I squeezed onto Gerard’s jacket and held it tight to my face trying to hide myself. The outside laughter soon subsided and resumed to normal. I cried uncontrollably, a part of me was letting it all out and the other just stood dumbfounded still trying to register 2 minutes ago.
I practically broke down in Gerard’s arms; he’s never seen me cry before so it was weird to see his reaction. I slowly brought us to a kneel with my face still buried into his chest. He slowly wrapped his arms around me and when he felt my bawling become stronger, he held me tight.
“Branches made of ash and forests born aflame…” Gerard trailed off, stopping for some reason. I felt him move as if he were looking at someone other other than me.
“Hunny, just forget about it...”
“But, I tried so hard!” I screamed feeling my mascara stain his shirt.
“Shhh, so hard to what sugar?” Gerard whispered while rubbing large circles on my back.
“I-I-I tried s-so fucking h-hard to hide my f-feelings and now, FUCK!” I stammered.
My face burned fiercer, having the feeling of being stabbed. The silence after my small confession added to the hurt making me feel heavier and tired. My migraine for the past 5 minutes seemed to disappear but soon as my crying ceased, it hit me like a bullet train. I winced at the pain letting go of Gerard’s jacket.
My legs automatically kicked forward elevating me into the air out of balance. My hands grabbed a tight hold of my head before bumping into something softer than the brick wall. Two hands warped around my body into a hug but my focus was still aimed at my head, it has never hurt like this before.
My hands pressed into my temples releasing some of the tension build up. The hug began to get tighter and tighter and it didn’t really occur to me who it was until I heard Gerard seethe.
“Don’t touch her!”
I mindlessly turned around to see the person hugging me. Frank. My crying began to involuntary kick in, the feeling of wanting to run and hide came to me as second nature. I wanted to be as far away from Frank as my legs could possibly take me. Never mind my headache, I’ll run.
“Aiden…” Frank mumbled under my squirming body.
“What did you say?” I loathed.
“Ha? What, what did I say?” He asked confused. I boiled over ‘Can’t you fucking can’t remember!’ I screamed in my head.
“Don’t play innocent, I heard you out there…” I hissed. I finally broke loose from his grip and wiped my tears. Walking backward facing Frank I slightly bumped into Gerard.
“I can’t believe you, I thought you were different. Okay fine I could take you not liking me but to have you compare me to those over sluts you say that seem to fall at your feet… I didn’t think you were that low.” I aggravated.
“I was… I was just joking, c’mon Aiden it was just the boys,” he stuttered. I felt a sudden change of heart. ‘he was just joking, and sure enough it was just the boys’, but there was something else.
“Just joking?” I cooed. I walked up to him feeling Gerard’s eyes pierce into my flesh, I wrapped my arms around Frank's neck and brought my lips to his left ear. I cradled his head in my arms and he follow suit wrapping his arms around my waist.
“Don't tell me, you think I'd believe that shit, do you? I can't take you hand in hand as if it didn’t happen, it would be against my religion so to say. What you said may not have been a big thing, but it is, when you can't forget.”
I detached my arms from around his neck and removed his ever so slowly watching his face turn in disbelief.
I turned to Gerard as I walked toward the door keeping eye contact before making a run for it outside. These emotions seemed so new to me, as I ran to the road everything I had just feel apart. ‘Why was this killing me? Why did I have to like him the way I did? Why does it have to hurt so much?’
My eyes felt like a river flowing non-stop. I’ve never cried so hard since dad died, after that I reasoned with myself that my emotions were better kept to myself.
I ran passed the mob of drinkers catching a few glares and whispers. But I ran blinded I colliding into a tall, thin man.
“Ooh, I’m sorry” I apologize quickly before getting up; at the same time hearing Gerard’s voice call my name.
“Wait,” this man ordered grabbing a hold of me at my wrist. I quickly looked up with my cloudy vision to find Mikey.
“Hunny, where you’re going? Hey, what’s wrong?”
“Ah?” I replied trying to collect myself wiping my tears with my free hand. “Nothing.”
“No Aiden, something’s wrong…”
‘Well no shit Sherlock!’ I though letting a line of laughter slip passed my lips. I wiped my tears and told him that I was just heading home, but he just kept pushing it.
“C’mon love, tell me, and don’t worry, Frank and Gerard can drop you off.”
My blood began to hit boiling point as Frank’s name was mentioned, my tears fell down my face outlining the mascara stains from before.
“I’m sorry Mikey, I really am, you’ve been a great friend but I can’t… not right now.” I let my head hang heavy from my shoulders. I yanked my hand out of his grasp and ran for the highway. As the sidewalk became more visible I began to run as fast as my legs could take me into the city.
I heard Gerard call my name, I heard him ran after me, but we both knew I was the better runner. After a good 10 minutes of running blindly I fell to my feet, having my crying get the best of me. I crawled to the side more and leaned up against the railing. I brought my knees to my chest and hugged them tight.
“Why does this hurt so much?” I screamed.
Static was the best word to describe my movements. It felt surreal, I mean… I couldn’t feel anything. ‘Is this what it’s like to have you’re heart torn out?’ Tears ran down my face when my eyes could no longer hold onto them.
“Aiden…” Gerard whispered. I don’t know what happened but something in my head just snapped, Gerard’s voice felt like a tonne of bricks on impact. I turned to him with a smile on my face which gradually turned into a frown which later on turned into a silently sob.
“I knew it, fuck. I fucking knew it; I just had to say it didn’t I?” I squeezed onto Gerard’s jacket and held it tight to my face trying to hide myself. The outside laughter soon subsided and resumed to normal. I cried uncontrollably, a part of me was letting it all out and the other just stood dumbfounded still trying to register 2 minutes ago.
I practically broke down in Gerard’s arms; he’s never seen me cry before so it was weird to see his reaction. I slowly brought us to a kneel with my face still buried into his chest. He slowly wrapped his arms around me and when he felt my bawling become stronger, he held me tight.
“Branches made of ash and forests born aflame…” Gerard trailed off, stopping for some reason. I felt him move as if he were looking at someone other other than me.
“Hunny, just forget about it...”
“But, I tried so hard!” I screamed feeling my mascara stain his shirt.
“Shhh, so hard to what sugar?” Gerard whispered while rubbing large circles on my back.
“I-I-I tried s-so fucking h-hard to hide my f-feelings and now, FUCK!” I stammered.
My face burned fiercer, having the feeling of being stabbed. The silence after my small confession added to the hurt making me feel heavier and tired. My migraine for the past 5 minutes seemed to disappear but soon as my crying ceased, it hit me like a bullet train. I winced at the pain letting go of Gerard’s jacket.
My legs automatically kicked forward elevating me into the air out of balance. My hands grabbed a tight hold of my head before bumping into something softer than the brick wall. Two hands warped around my body into a hug but my focus was still aimed at my head, it has never hurt like this before.
My hands pressed into my temples releasing some of the tension build up. The hug began to get tighter and tighter and it didn’t really occur to me who it was until I heard Gerard seethe.
“Don’t touch her!”
I mindlessly turned around to see the person hugging me. Frank. My crying began to involuntary kick in, the feeling of wanting to run and hide came to me as second nature. I wanted to be as far away from Frank as my legs could possibly take me. Never mind my headache, I’ll run.
“Aiden…” Frank mumbled under my squirming body.
“What did you say?” I loathed.
“Ha? What, what did I say?” He asked confused. I boiled over ‘Can’t you fucking can’t remember!’ I screamed in my head.
“Don’t play innocent, I heard you out there…” I hissed. I finally broke loose from his grip and wiped my tears. Walking backward facing Frank I slightly bumped into Gerard.
“I can’t believe you, I thought you were different. Okay fine I could take you not liking me but to have you compare me to those over sluts you say that seem to fall at your feet… I didn’t think you were that low.” I aggravated.
“I was… I was just joking, c’mon Aiden it was just the boys,” he stuttered. I felt a sudden change of heart. ‘he was just joking, and sure enough it was just the boys’, but there was something else.
“Just joking?” I cooed. I walked up to him feeling Gerard’s eyes pierce into my flesh, I wrapped my arms around Frank's neck and brought my lips to his left ear. I cradled his head in my arms and he follow suit wrapping his arms around my waist.
“Don't tell me, you think I'd believe that shit, do you? I can't take you hand in hand as if it didn’t happen, it would be against my religion so to say. What you said may not have been a big thing, but it is, when you can't forget.”
I detached my arms from around his neck and removed his ever so slowly watching his face turn in disbelief.
I turned to Gerard as I walked toward the door keeping eye contact before making a run for it outside. These emotions seemed so new to me, as I ran to the road everything I had just feel apart. ‘Why was this killing me? Why did I have to like him the way I did? Why does it have to hurt so much?’
My eyes felt like a river flowing non-stop. I’ve never cried so hard since dad died, after that I reasoned with myself that my emotions were better kept to myself.
I ran passed the mob of drinkers catching a few glares and whispers. But I ran blinded I colliding into a tall, thin man.
“Ooh, I’m sorry” I apologize quickly before getting up; at the same time hearing Gerard’s voice call my name.
“Wait,” this man ordered grabbing a hold of me at my wrist. I quickly looked up with my cloudy vision to find Mikey.
“Hunny, where you’re going? Hey, what’s wrong?”
“Ah?” I replied trying to collect myself wiping my tears with my free hand. “Nothing.”
“No Aiden, something’s wrong…”
‘Well no shit Sherlock!’ I though letting a line of laughter slip passed my lips. I wiped my tears and told him that I was just heading home, but he just kept pushing it.
“C’mon love, tell me, and don’t worry, Frank and Gerard can drop you off.”
My blood began to hit boiling point as Frank’s name was mentioned, my tears fell down my face outlining the mascara stains from before.
“I’m sorry Mikey, I really am, you’ve been a great friend but I can’t… not right now.” I let my head hang heavy from my shoulders. I yanked my hand out of his grasp and ran for the highway. As the sidewalk became more visible I began to run as fast as my legs could take me into the city.
I heard Gerard call my name, I heard him ran after me, but we both knew I was the better runner. After a good 10 minutes of running blindly I fell to my feet, having my crying get the best of me. I crawled to the side more and leaned up against the railing. I brought my knees to my chest and hugged them tight.
“Why does this hurt so much?” I screamed.