Waiting on a Diamond and a Tether

John’s point of view

“And that’s how I crashed the van,” Pat concluded his story as we walked back towards the bus. I’d heard this story so many times I’d lost count, but it never got old. That was probably one of the most memorable experiences we’d had as a band.

“That’s also why you don’t drive the van anymore Pat,” Kennedy laughed.

“That’s actually with you don’t drive ever, anymore,” Garrett shot back, joking.

“We don’t even have the van anymore,” Pat exclaimed as we turned left. We could see the van in the distance, yet it seemed so far away and I was exhausted. “Besides, I’m not even that bad...”

“Pat, don’t take it personal, but when you’re driving, everyone puts their seat belt on extra tight,” I added. Everyone laughed and Pat said something about us ganging up on him, but we finally reached the van and everyone was too tired to respond.

“Where are they going to sleep?” Ali asked as we stood around outside the van.

“Ally can sleep in your room and I guess Anny can crash on the sofa maybe,” I responded as the guys quickly said goodbye and walked up on the bus.

“I don’t care where I sleep, I’m so tired I’ll sleep on the floor. I’ll see you tomorrow, bye guys,” Anny replied, Ally following close behind.

The night was quiet, only the faint sound of the city bothered the perfect silence. The street lights lit the street and shined on her face. We were the only ones not on the bus right now and I was so happy to be alone with her finally.

“So...” She smiled.

“Yeah, it’s late. Are you tired or do you want to stay outside with me for a little bit?” I asked, not knowing how she would respond.

“Sure, but only for a little while,” she smiled, her big brown eyes staring up at me. I sat down and leaned against the bus, she joined me seconds later.

“It’s great that we’re talking again,” I stated, trying to get the conversation started.

“I know,” she replied. “I missed you. I didn’t realize how much until we started talking again.”

“I feel like we have three years to make up for,” I smirked. She looked to me and smiled. It was silent then but for the first time, it wasn’t awkward. It was comfortable and familiar and content.

“What do you think you’re going to do after tour?” She asked.

“I don’t know yet, maybe go back home or on vacation. Maybe Mexico or something. I just want to lay on the beach for 2 weeks with a cold beer and a book and be alone. I’ve been surrounded by people for so long... It seems like so many things lost importance. Maybe I’ll do some writing, you know?” I replied.

“Sounds good,” she added, tilting her head back and closing her eyes. “At least you have a plan. I’m just flowing along and I don’t know, I’m sort of lost within myself with so many things for so many reasons.”

“That’s not necessarily a bad thing though. Maybe your just waiting for the right thing to put you on track or the right person...” I trailed off.

“You’re probably right, but it’s so hard to keep going when you don’t know where your heading,” she replied.

“That’s also the beauty of it, the beauty of life really. You’ll find something, I mean, you used to tell me that you wanted to be a writer or a journalist and you wanted to change the world. Where did all of that go?” I asked.

“I still want to do all that, I just don’t know if I can anymore or if it’s too late. I have so much thinking to do,” she laughed.

“It’s never too late,” I stated. “It’s never too late to change, take it from me.”

“Thanks,” she replied, looking down at her hand doodling on the asphalt.

“Do you think we’ll keep in touch after tour?” I asked, knowing that the answer to that, for me at least, was obvious.

“I hope so. I mean, I live in LA... Maybe you could visit and then I could visit you back in Arizona,” She said, flashing me a huge smile.

“I would move to LA to spend more time with you,” I stated, looking her straight in the eye. We still had a connection that was not only physical, but on a much deeper level. Like I knew exactly where she was coming from and she knew the same for me.

“I’d move back to Arizona too, but I’d be too afraid to run into my dad...” She trailed off, her face filled with sorrow.

“Have you talked to him recently?” I asked.

“Not recently. He called me on my birthday last summer and That’s the last I heard from him. It’s not that I miss him or anything because he wasn’t really ever a part of my life, it’s just that I feel like he didn’t care and now he’s jut confirming it over and over. Like I wasn’t important enough for him to stick around and be my dad,” She replied, tilting her head onto my shoulder.

“It’s not your fault, Ali. It never was. I just want to say, for the record, that I never liked him. He was so mean to me,” I said trying to make her laughed and it seemed to work. “Anyways, it’s really late and we have to drive to the next town. We should probably head inside,” I replied as I helped her up. She looked up at me and back down at the ground.

“Thanks for the talk,” she smiled. She reached in for a hug and I wrapped my arms around her. I laid my chin on the top of her forehead and I could smell the perfume of her hair. I needed to see if the connection was still there or if my mind was playing tricks on me, I just didn’t know how.

“So... Goodnight,” she said as she opened the door. I grabbed her arm, causing her to turn around and face me again. I leaned in to kiss her, but she backed away and shifted her glance to the floor.

“I... I can’t do this, John,” she replied, kicking her feet around. “I can’t snap back that fast.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

“Don’t worry about it,” she replied, confused and rather disoriented. The last thing I wanted to do was scare her away. “I’ll see you later.” She walked onto the bus and I decided I’d stay out here a little longer. It wasn’t too hot or too cold outside, just perfect. The kind of temperature we had in Arizona only after a big thunderstorm. I loved it. I grabbed my lighter and my pack of American Spirit and blew the smoke out my mouth. The connection was still there and I don’t think it ever really went away. I didn’t even have to kiss her to know. I took one last puff and flicked it away. I threw my pack into the street and turned away. Turned my back on the bad and headed towards the good. Starting now, I’d be the old me, the one people liked and the one I liked to be. I’d changed, but she’d changed me back without even knowing it.