Waiting on a Diamond and a Tether

Ali's point of view

“Ali, do you have band-aids?” I heard Jared call as I started putting away some of today’s unsold merch.

“No, why? Who needs it?” I asked, folding away the display t-shirts and putting them back into their corresponding boxes.

“Kennedy split his hand while he was playing guitar,” he explained. Kennedy. I hadn’t talked to him for five days now. For five days I was living out of a bus. I hadn’t had a decent meal or a decent night of sleep or a real shower since I got here. I felt like a robot, a zombie; just waking up, setting up, closing up and going back to sleep. I came here to escape that, yet here I was, in the exact same situation, like nothing ever changed. Turns out I had a lot more to think about than I thought. I had to figure myself out all over again.

“Nope, sorry, I don’t have any,” I responded.

“Are you sure you just don’t have any because it’s Kennedy?” He laughed.

“I’m not an animal, Jared. I might be pissed off at him, but I’d still give him a band-aid,” I responded, unhooking some t-shirts that I had clipped to the tent.

“I know, I was just kidding. Do you need help?” He asked.

“No, I’m fine. I just have to pick all of this up, put it in the trailer and we can go,” I added, as I started counting the money in the register.

“Alright, I’ll be around if you need me,” he added and he was off and I was alone again. I missed home. I couldn’t keep pretending that I didn’t. I missed feeling loved and appreciated and I missed the people I left behind.

I quickly finished counting and placed everything back into the metal cash register. I took a look around to make sure I wasn’t forgetting anything and started bringing boxes back to the trailer, one box at a time. I made five trips before I was done and it was nearly dark out. No one was by the trailer or on the bus when I was done, so I took a seat on an amp in the trailer and for the first time in a long time, I had time to myself. I looked down at my phone, 8:36 pm. It took me the longest time to decide if I should call or not…

“Hello?”

“Hi mom, it’s Ali—”

“Sike! You’ve reached Mary and Nathan’s house! Leave us a message after the beep and we’ll get back to you as soon as possible,” the recording said. I couldn’t help but smile.

“Hey mom and Nathan, it’s Ali. I just wanted to call to say that I miss you both so much and that… I don’t know, I guess I just needed to hear a familiar voice… But you aren’t answering so, yeah… Call me whenever you get this. Or don’t, I mean, if it’s too late and you’re tired, you don’t have to call, but if you want to, you can call me. Even if it’s late… Alright, I’m rambling, and I’m talking to an answering machine… Bye, love you guys,” I said and closed the line. I was so bad at leaving messages; sometimes it got to the point where it was embarrassing. I sat there for a couple more minutes until I heard people coming towards the trailer. I moved out of the way so they could put in their things.

“Are we leaving yet?” I asked, eager to get something to eat and to crash on the sofa despite how much I hated being stuck in the same place as Kenny, but especially John. I dreaded it, like a child dreads going to the doctor. But I knew I didn’t have a choice and I was sure they felt the same way.

“Not yet, Pat and Kennedy have a last minute interview to do,” Garrett answered as he locked up the trailer.

“So what do we do in the meantime?”

“Well, Jared and I are going for a walk. I don’t know where John is, although I doubt you wanted to spend time with him… You can come walk with us if you want,” he smiled as he tied his shoelaces. Jared appeared from behind another trailer.

“No, it’s okay. You guys go walk. I’ll be around. Call me when it’s time to go,” I added, faking a smile.

“Alright, don’t say we didn’t ask,” they joked and walked off, leaving me alone once again.

I didn’t know what to do with myself. Maybe I should have gone to walk with them and reached out to someone, anyone, but maybe subconsciously, I wanted to be alone. Maybe this was just my brain telling me to stop this nonsense and to figure things out once and for all. I’d been running away from myself, and I realized I couldn’t anymore. I’d have to face the reality that my life might not be exactly what I wanted it to be right now, but that I had to make the best of it somehow. Although I wasn’t even sure how I wanted it to be in the first place; who I wanted in the picture and who I wanted out of it forever.

I walked around the buses for a while, lost in my thoughts. I checked my phone, hoping for missed calls, but no such luck. I sighed and headed back to the bus. I knocked on the door and waited for our bus driver to open the door for me.

“Hey Ali, welcome back,” Bob said as he opened the door and smiled at me.

“Hey Bob, how was your day?” I added, walking up the steps.

“Same old, same old,” he grinned. “I took a taxi into town to see some family while we were here and we went out to lunch. How was your day?” He explained.

“It was okay, I guess. I don’t know… I’m having a weird day. I’m missing home I think,” I smiled, but my eyes wouldn’t.

“I know how that feels, Ali. I’m never home,” he smirked, but I could tell he was trying to play off his emotions.

“How do you deal with it?”

“Well, at first it was really hard and I was going through what you were going through and I came so close to quitting my job. But then, I just got used to it and I realized that the people you leave behind are always going to be there to support you and that you will always have them to lean on no matter what. That’s why I didn’t quit,” he smiled. “And I hope you won’t either. It’s nice having you on the bus.”

“Thanks Bob, I’m going to go grab something to eat,” I smiled and headed to the back.

“Alright, I’ll be here. Oh, and Ali, if you’re missing someone, just call them. Sometimes you just need to hear their voice to remember exactly why you’re doing this and why you’re so far away from them,” he added, smiling. I nodded and walked to the back of the bus. I threw opened the fridge door, hoping there was something to eat. Beer, chocolate syrup, egg mix and an orange was all that was in the fridge. I wasn’t even sure if the orange was still good. I sighed and closed the fridge. Bob was right; I had to call someone. I took my phone out of my pocket and walked towards my room to make the phone call.

I threw the door open, not expecting to find John sitting on my bed, my opened suitcase on the floor at his feet or him holding a picture frame in his hand. He lifted his head and starred at my blankly, the same stare that greeted me at the airport.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked, raising my tone. He threw the frame back onto my bed and starred back up at me.

“I-I don’t know… I was just looking,” he added as he got up and tried to walk out of the room.

“What do you mean you were just looking? What the fuck does that mean? Who told you that you could go through my stuff?” I yelled back, standing in front of the door so he couldn’t leave.

“Ali, just let me go,” he responded.

“You’re not going anywhere until you tell me why you were looking in my suitcase,” I yelled back at him.

“Fine, I’m sorry, bye,” he said as he slipped by me.

“Where do you think you’re going?” I added, walking right behind me.

“Away from you,” he responded, grabbing a beer out of the fridge.

“Oh really? Well you should have thought of that before you went through my shit,” I yelled back at him, slamming the fridge door violently and taking the beer out of his hands.

“Give me that!” He yelled as he followed me back to my room.

“I’ll give it to you as soon as you tell me why you were going through my stuff,” I yelled back, annoyed.

“Because! I just wanted to see what you brought,” he said, hesitating.

“You just made that up,” I yelled. “I can tell when you lie John! For once in your life, tell me the truth.”

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” He yelled back.

“It means exactly what I said,” I added.

“Fine! I was going through your stuff because I wanted to see if you had a boyfriend—“

“What gives you the nerve to do that? What’s wrong with you?” I yelled back.

“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you? You’re still carrying around that picture of us from three years ago and you framed it. Get over it and get over yourself,” he yelled back, rather cocky.

“First of all, you’re so fucking full of yourself. Second of all, I didn’t even put that in my bag, someone else did. Third of all, so what if I brought it? You’re just using this because you feel threatened that I might have a boyfriend and you’re scared that I moved on after you. Well guess what John? I did. You may have been the first, but you weren’t the last,” I yelled back.

“Screwing around? Barely surprises me. You’re just like your dad,” he added, grabbed his beer out of my hand and left me there. I fought back the tears, not because I was sad, but because I was fuming with rage.

“Who the fuck do you think you are dragging my dad into this? Get the hell away from me,” I yelled and threw the picture frame at him. It missed his head by an inch, but it scared him enough to turn around and walk my way again. Inches away from me, I slammed the door in his face and collapsed onto the ground.

The picture frame laid shattered on the floor in the other room, mimicking the way I felt in this room. I wanted, more than ever, to get out of here.