Waiting on a Diamond and a Tether

John’s point of view

I could hear her crying in the next room; the bus wasn’t big enough to mute it and I couldn’t stand it anymore. I couldn’t stand knowing that I was the one that caused all of this all over again. The picture frame was still on the ground, shattered and starring back at me. I was mad at her but I was disgusted with myself above all. I needed to get some air and clear my mind. I walked to the door of the bus and made my way down the steps.

“Dude, what just happened in there?” Garrett asked, stunned, as I pushed the door open. They’d been eavesdropping, all four of them.

“What do you think?” I added and started walking off.

“Wait, where are you going? We have to hit the road. We’re late enough already,” Jared called out from behind me, but I almost too far away to hear .

“Leave without me, I don’t care. All I know is that I can’t be in there right now,” I yelled back as I walked further and further way from the bus.

“Wait, John, please—”

“Just leave me alone,” I shouted back and kept walking. I didn’t know where to go exactly, I just needed to get away.

I walked passed the buses and headed back towards the arena. I hoped more than anything that it was still open; it was the only place I could think of that would be completely empty. The back door was opened so i let myself in and walked down the long corridor leading up to the dressing room. The arena was deserted; not a single sound, not a single person to be found anywhere. I sat down at a makeup chair in the dressing room and collapsed onto the counter.

I didn’t know how to make things right or if I even wanted to anymore. I was so angry, angry that I let things get to this point. Angry that I couldn’t make her happy anymore and that I was what made her unhappy. Angry with myself. I hated what I’d become and I was starting to realize it more and more. It hurt me most to know that things could never be the way they used to be ever again, too much had happened and too much needed to be fixed and neither of us was willing to fix it anymore. I sighed heavily and starred at myself in the mirror. I didn’t recognize the person starring back. Sure it looked like me, but it wasn’t really me. It wasn’t the “old John” everyone used to know. I’d changed over time and although I hated to admit it, I was lost, now more than ever.

I closed my eyes for a moment and laid my head on the counter. It was getting late and we really did need to get going onto the next town, but I couldn’t bring myself to get up and walk back to the bus. The second I’d step foot on that bus, everyone would come down on me like they always do. I didn’t want to deal with that tonight.

Once I heard footsteps coming my way, my head snapped up immediately. I searched my pockets for my pass, but sadly I didn’t have it with me and I was pretty sure I wasn’t allowed to be here. I froze in my tracks as the steps kept getting closer and closer. I didn’t know if I should hide or run or not do anything. The steps finally reached the door frame and my heart was racing.

“John?” Kennedy called out and my heart started slowing down. I sighed in relief.

“Yeah?” I called out as he entered the room. He closed the door behind him and sat down next to me, yet I avoided his eye contact.

“What happened?” He asked.

“Nothing-”

“It can’t be nothing man, you left and we’ve never seen you this pissed ever. There’s a frame on the floor, Ali’s crying in her room... What did you do?” He called out once again.

“Why do you assume I did something? Why is it always me? Why do I have to fuck everything up all the time?” I yelled back.

“Well, was it you, John? I doubt she’d be crying if you didn’t do anything,” he explained.

“Does it matter? Why do you even care? It’s not like we’ve really been friends for three years...” I trailed off.

“That’s not true-”

“Cut the crap Kennedy, you know that we’ve barely been friends or talking since we started touring and I have no idea what the hell I did to you to make you like this. It’s like everything I say or do sets you off on me. It’s like I can’t do anything right anymore... With anyone,” I sighed, playing with a random piece of paper left on the counter.

“Forget it, let’s just go back to the bus,” he said as he got up, heading towards the door.

“No, you wanted to talk, so let’s talk,” I yelled back at him.

“Talk about what? There’s nothing to talk about,” he replied, anxiously.

“Then why have you been like this with me for so long?” I shot back.

“Did it ever occur to you that I might have my own problems or is it always about you all the time?” He yelled back, catching me off guard. Kennedy was rarely angry or never showed it. If he was, he kept it bottled up until he couldn’t stand it anymore.

“Well... You never open up about anything, how am I supposed to know anything.”

“This isn’t a fucking episode of Oprah, John. I don’t have time for this. I came here to get you on that bus, that’s it. Now let’s go,” He shot back, almost leaving the room.

“So make time for it. I’m not going anywhere until you open up,” I replied, sitting down on a chair.

“Huh, fine,” He sighed, stomping his foot. “Three years ago, something happened...” He trailed off.

“What? You became a man?” I laughed to myself.

“See this is why nobody tells you anything! You take everything as a joke if it doesn’t affect you. You always try to make everything about you and you never genuinely care about what someone has to say. I’m out of here-”

“No, Kennedy, I’m sorry. Seriously, stay, please. I want to hear it. What happened?” I added, hoping he wouldn’t leave and I wouldn’t have gotten someone else to hate me today.

“Fine... Three years ago, there was this girl. I couldn’t be with her because she was seeing this guy and one night, she found her boyfriend with another girl and she came to me. And we hooked up. And then she left and I never saw her again until a little while ago at one of our shows and now... I don’t know what I feel for her. I’m mad, but not really and I know it would have probably never worked with us, but basically, I’ve been bitter for three years because I never had the opportunity to know if it could have worked out and I’ve been taking it out on you mostly because I know how good you had it with Ali and you fucked it up,” he explained.

“Nice Kennedy, way to make me feel better about everything,” I added, sarcastically.

“You wanted to know what was wrong; that’s what’s been pissing me off. Now, let’s get on the bus,” He responded firmly and we started heading back to the bus.

“Do I know the girl?” I asked, knowing I’d probably set him off even more.

“Maybe,” he responded dryly and that was the last I spoke for the rest of the night.

Ali’s point of view

I hated the feeling I had inside of me. It felt like I swallowed my stomach or that my heart was ripped out of my chest. I couldn’t catch my breath no matter how hard I tried and I couldn’t stop the tears. They just kept rolling down my cheeks, making me angrier and angrier. I couldn’t believe he still had this much control over me. I couldn’t believe that what he said had this much impact on me. I shouldn’t be feeling the way that I feel. I shouldn’t be this unhappy. I grabbed the tissue box on the floor and wiped my eyes. I was all red, my eyes were swollen and the sobs were still somewhat uncontrollable. I rolled over on my bed and grabbed my phone.

“Hello?” The sleepy voice on the other end said. I hadn’t realized how late it had gotten.

“Hey, it’s me. Did I wake you up?” I asked, dabbing the tissue around my eyes.

“Yeah, I fell asleep on the sofa, what’s wrong?” Anny asked, worry overwhelming her voice.

“Guess,” I said, trying to keep the tears from starting up again.

“What did he do now?” Anny asked.

“It’s more like what he didn’t do, Anny. I can’t take this anymore. He’s driving me crazy. I came in my room before and I caught him going through me suitcase and then he said some stuff about my dad and I threw the frame at him and now I’m a mess. I’ve been crying for hours and I just- I want to come home,” I said to her, trying to keep from bursting into sobs again.

“Ali, listen, I’ve known you since we were in diapers. I’ve seen your ups, your downs, your rises and your falls. I know everything about you and if there’s one thing I know, it’s that you never, ever quit. So you go back out there and show them all just how strong you are. Got it?” She said back to me, almost angrily, but I knew she meant well.

“But how am I supposed to do that when John hates me, I want to rip his head off of his bony shoulders and Kennedy is just ignoring me. They are driving me crazy! This can’t be good for my head, Anny. I don’t know what to do...”I trailed off, tears building up in my eyes.

“Look Ali, you are the only one that can pick yourself up and make the best out of where you are right now. I can tell you all the nice things in the world, but in the end, you have to believe in yourself. You have to pull through and I know you will because that’s just the type of person you are. Your strong, Ali. You can do anything,” her voice smiled at me.

“I just wished I believed you sometimes,” I responded.

“You have no reason not to,” she replied back. “Anyways, it’s getting late here too. I’ll talk to you soon. Love you and think about what I said,” she replied and hung up. I sighed and threw the phone back onto my bed and laid down next to it, starring up at the ceiling. We’d started moving which probably meant that everyone was on the bus and that we were heading to the next town. Knowing he was feet away from me sent shivers up my spine. I hated how I felt yet there was nothing I could do about it. I was about to shut the light and go to sleep when there was a knock on my door.

“Yes?”

“Ali, can I come in?” Garrett asked politely through the door. I wiped my eyes one last time and threw away the old tissues which were cluttering up the bed.

“Yeah, sure,” I said as he stepped through the door.

“Hey, how are you?” Garrett asked, empathetically as we both sat on my bed.

“Could be better,” I laughed to myself, nervously.

“Right, well, I don’t know, you seemed pretty upset so I just wanted to check up on you, because... like, you’re an important part of the team,” he said, awkwardly.

“It would make things so much easier if you guys would just fire me,” I replied, worry invading his face.

“What? You’re leaving?”

“No, Garrett, I can’t. No matter how much I’d want to, I won’t. I made a promise to you guys and whether I like it or not, I’m stuck here,” I half smiled back.

“But Ali, if you really want to go, I think we all feel bad forcing you to stay here,” he added.

“I thought I wanted to leave. Until a couple of minutes ago I was set on convincing Pat to fire me, but then I thought about it and I spoke to Anny and I figured that I'm here for a reason and I think I’m strong enough to keep going, at least for a little longer,” I smiled at him.

“Good, I’m glad to hear that,” he trailed off. “How is Anny?” He asked, awkwardly, starring to the floor. Garrett was never one for such long conversations. He usually got really awkward, laughed and left after only seconds. But today was different or rather he was different. He had matured and I loved seeing this side of him.

“She’s great, actually. She’s doing amazing at her job and in school and just, in her life. She’s making things happen for her and I think she’s really happy where she is right now,” I explained.

“That’s great. I’m happy she’s happy,” he added.

“Do you miss her sometimes?” I asked, awkwardly.

“Obviously, she was my first love and you always have a special place in your heart for your first love, but I’m happy that we both moved on and yeah, I’d love to see her, but that might never happen,” he replied as he got up from my bed. “Alright, it’s really late. I’m gonna call it a night.”

“Thanks for listening to me, Garry,” I smiled as I reached in for a hug.

“No problem. Anyways, I’ll talk to you in the morning. Goodnight,” he replied and closed the door as he left my room.